We'll be there, but. . .

[gjcva1]

okay Mammavan, i gotta make a couple more points:

1) you gracious hostess you!  "what an honor for son to be asked to play for Christmas Eve services.  of course it would just be too stressful for you all to join us for appetizers.  we'll see you at 7:30 for coffee and dessert then!"  and of course all leftovers will have been promptly popped into the freezer following dinner. 

2) cheesecake is appropriate for ANY meal, IMHO 

3) i have no idea what you're serving for the main course, but just based on the appetizer selections, can i come live at YOUR house?!?!  i could make an entire meal on just what you're serving for starters

4) ah yes, the old nasty letter where i list every-mean-thing-you've-ever-done-to-me-my-whole-life!  i just love those!  really gets the anger out on paper, gets it out of my head, and then i can move on.  go for it!

*edited to add #4, which i initially forgot*

[BurninDinner]

I think she should get a pass for it being the holiday and a church function.

[sammycat]

you gracious hostess you!  "what an honor for son to be asked to play for Christmas Eve services.  of course it would just be too stressful for you all to join us for appetizers.  we'll see you at 7:30 for coffee and dessert then!"  and of course all leftovers will have been promptly popped into the freezer following dinner

That's excellent. I certainly wouldn't be holding up any part of the meal for them and inconveniencing the other 18 or so guests who CAN manage to make the time to come over.

As for the Sunday dinner that never was, I suppose it could be construed as a "maybe", but it sounded to me like it was a definite invitation for Sunday.

Has cousin ever been a bit flaky like this before or is it more noticeable because the two events have happened so close together?

[Lynda_34]

Don't hold things up for her, the dessert and coffee suggestion is a good idea, however, maybe, just maybe she wants to see her son perform.  I'd go with that is a great honor and let it go at that.

[gjcva1]

I think she should get a pass for it being the holiday and a church function.

i agree, and here is the pass that i will give Cousin.  i would completely understand her withdrawal of the RSVP that she and her family would attend the dinner.  because it's a holiday, and she couldn't know, when she accepted, that her son would be asked to play for services.  and of course Cousin wants to attend services since her son is playing.

but i would not give her a pass to think that she can turn Mamavan's seated holiday dinner into a come when you can, leave when you need to, holiday open house.  two completely different gatherings, and Mamavan has chosen the one she wants to host, which sounds like a family tradition from her posts.

i don't think that Mamavan would have expressed concern for that very thing happening if there wasn't history of something exactly like this.  she's not running a restaurant where she needs to do two turns of the table on Christmas Eve to justify staying open. 

and if you go back and do the timetables for both the dinner, and the church services (including driving times and fellowship after services), there is NO WAY that cousin and her family can enjoy anything but dessert at Mamavan's party, unless they have perfected time travel.

[Balletmom]

I'm chiming in a chord with all the other posters. (nice musical note, eh?) Definitely do not change the plans, they'll have to adjust. Ridiculous to expect otherwise of you, unless this is your bestest best sister/friend/kidney donor talking.

And I also agree with everyone else, I'd like to be at your house Christmas Eve. I'm fairly certain unless the invitation to play involved the Vatican, I'd be sorely tempted to go for the delicious and obviously festive foods.

[gjcva1]

so MammaVan, what happened?  did your cousin and her family attend your entire dinner, or did they just drop in?  update please!!!

and what i really want to know, what was your menu for that night?

[Mammavan]

Before I had a chance to implement any of your suggestions, J called me to say she was at the Polish deli, would buy the kielbasi for Christmas Eve and deliver it to my house.  This offer saved me almost two hours of time, the greatest gift I could receive on December 23.  She also said not to worry, they would arrive about 7:30 and would just "plug into whatever was happening at that point."  As it happened, the evening had progressed somewhat slowly and we had just finished appetizers and were starting on the main course when they arrived, so it worked perfectly.

As I said, J is a good-hearted person and the kielbasi delivery was typical of this. In addition, she was an amazing help in cleaning up. I'm so glad I didn't let the stress get the better of good manners.

The menu:  Apppetizers: shrimp cocktail, brie baked with bourbon, brown sugar and pecans, cheese platter, sushi, stuffed mushrooms.  Entrees:  filet with cold horseradish and warm wild mushroom sauce, tortelloni with vodka sauce, aforementioned kielbasi, scallops in bacon, crab cakes, cavatelli with shrimp and scallops, chicken and shrimp with asparagus, artichokes and eggplant in a brandy cream sauce (maybe I overdid the shrimp).  No turducken this year but my niece called one of the desserts (purchased) the turducken of sweets:  brownie base with a layer of cheesecake, chocolate mousse and chocolate ganache.  The other desserts were raspberry cheesecake and pecan pie. 

Again, thanks for your responses and what's the Weight Watcher's web address?

[goblue2539]

Sometimes the holidays do get the better of us.  I'm really glad it all worked out for you, and that she didn't actually expect you to schedule around her family.  Oh, and when can I expect my invitation for next years scrumptious dinner?

[gjcva1]

Sometimes the holidays do get the better of us.  I'm really glad it all worked out for you, and that she didn't actually expect you to schedule around her family.  Oh, and when can I expect my invitation for next years scrumptious dinner?

hey there, I was the first poster here to shamelessly angle to be adopted by Mamma van!  so i get the first invitation!  i might, for a price, bring you as a guest.   

[gjcva1]

Before I had a chance to implement any of your suggestions, J called me to say she was at the Polish deli, would buy the kielbasi for Christmas Eve and deliver it to my house.  This offer saved me almost two hours of time, the greatest gift I could receive on December 23.  She also said not to worry, they would arrive about 7:30 and would just "plug into whatever was happening at that point."  As it happened, the evening had progressed somewhat slowly and we had just finished appetizers and were starting on the main course when they arrived, so it worked perfectly.

As I said, J is a good-hearted person and the kielbasi delivery was typical of this. In addition, she was an amazing help in cleaning up. I'm so glad I didn't let the stress get the better of good manners.

The menu:  Apppetizers: shrimp cocktail, brie baked with bourbon, brown sugar and pecans, cheese platter, sushi, stuffed mushrooms.  Entrees:  filet with cold horseradish and warm wild mushroom sauce, tortelloni with vodka sauce, aforementioned kielbasi, scallops in bacon, crab cakes, cavatelli with shrimp and scallops, chicken and shrimp with asparagus, artichokes and eggplant in a brandy cream sauce (maybe I overdid the shrimp).  No turducken this year but my niece called one of the desserts (purchased) the turducken of sweets:  brownie base with a layer of cheesecake, chocolate mousse and chocolate ganache.  The other desserts were raspberry cheesecake and pecan pie. 

Again, thanks for your responses and what's the Weight Watcher's web address?

oh man oh man, Mamma Van, your menu sounds just amazing!  i'm begging to move in next year, i'll even clean the kitchen!

now, having been one of those saying "tell her come for dessert", i'm glad you didn't get the chance to implement that.  sounds like it was a lovely evening, and that your cousin was a wonderful part of that evening.

and i don't think you can ever overdo shrimp, but that's just my opinion. 

thank you for posting the update.

[sempronialou]

The menu:  Apppetizers: shrimp cocktail, brie baked with bourbon, brown sugar and pecans, cheese platter, sushi, stuffed mushrooms.  Entrees:  filet with cold horseradish and warm wild mushroom sauce, tortelloni with vodka sauce, aforementioned kielbasi, scallops in bacon, crab cakes, cavatelli with shrimp and scallops, chicken and shrimp with asparagus, artichokes and eggplant in a brandy cream sauce (maybe I overdid the shrimp).  No turducken this year but my niece called one of the desserts (purchased) the turducken of sweets:  brownie base with a layer of cheesecake, chocolate mousse and chocolate ganache.  The other desserts were raspberry cheesecake and pecan pie. 

Again, thanks for your responses and what's the Weight Watcher's web address?

That menu sounds awesome.  Do you have that recipe for that layered cheesecake brownie dessert?  It sounds wonderful.  Cheesecake seems to have become my specialty these days.  It seems to becoming more of an expected thing for christmas dinner at my in-laws and at my parent's.  I'll trade you the chocoholic cheesecake recipe I make. 

I'm glad things turned out well for you.  I was in a similar type of situation a few years ago when I made plans for people come over for dinner.  I went to quite a bit of trouble.  When it came time for them to come over, they said they had other plans.  They said they didn't realize this was a firm invitation.  (What part of come over for dinner Saturday at 5:00 p.m. did you not understand?)  Lesson learned for me, always get a firm yes on a dinner invitation and remind them of it.