100 things restaurant staffers should never do

[marcel]

I'm a little surprised at "Don't bring the check until someone has asked for it."

I have always thought it was perfectly polite for a waiter/waitress to discreetly place the check down on the table and say "Whenever you are ready" or something along those lines to reassure that there was no rush.

Normally, I prefer to have the check as soon as possible.  It seems inevitable that, no matter how good the service up 'til that point, when it comes time to get the bill, the server is completely unavailable for the next fifteen minutes.  But this is at typical Applebee's/Olive Garden/TGIFriday's type places. 

However, in a very nice restaurant, where prompt service is a given, I'd rather ask for the check; I often want to order one last thing, and I always feel like a jerk doing that after the bill's been brought out.

A cultural diference, I think, but one thing I don't like in American restaurants, is that they bring you the check as soon as you are finished eating.
It is like taking away plates before everybody is finished, it makes me feel rushed.
However, from some threads on staying at your table after you finished eating, I get the impression that in American restaurants it is more normal to have dinner and then go, while in European restaurants it is normal to take it easy and spent more time on and after dinner

[MrsJWine]

I'm a little surprised at "Don't bring the check until someone has asked for it."

I have always thought it was perfectly polite for a waiter/waitress to discreetly place the check down on the table and say "Whenever you are ready" or something along those lines to reassure that there was no rush.

Normally, I prefer to have the check as soon as possible.  It seems inevitable that, no matter how good the service up 'til that point, when it comes time to get the bill, the server is completely unavailable for the next fifteen minutes.  But this is at typical Applebee's/Olive Garden/TGIFriday's type places. 

However, in a very nice restaurant, where prompt service is a given, I'd rather ask for the check; I often want to order one last thing, and I always feel like a jerk doing that after the bill's been brought out.

A cultural diference, I think, but one thing I don't like in American restaurants, is that they bring you the check as soon as you are finished eating.
It is like taking away plates before everybody is finished, it makes me feel rushed.
However, from some threads on staying at your table after you finished eating, I get the impression that in American restaurants it is more normal to have dinner and then go, while in European restaurants it is normal to take it easy and spent more time on and after dinner

It depends on the occasion.  Sometimes I like to stay a while, especially if I have a good book or am with a friend.  Sometimes I have to go right away (on a schedule, baby needs a nap, I have an appointment, whatever).  I do not like feeling like I'm a hostage to the bill.  I like to leave when I choose to.  So I prefer to either have a server who is immediately available even after I'm all done eating (which I've found is rare) or to just have the bill there, waiting for me whenever I choose to leave.

[PeterM]

This guy's put that much thought into his list but he hasn't thought about the many, many ways diners can ruin the experience for those around them? That does not bode well for his restaurant.

I'm not sure there's a way for a restaurant owner to convey "diners rules" to the diners.  I mean, he can ask his waitstaff to do/not do certain things because he pays them, but it's much harder to enforce rules for customers - other than asking them to leave, of course. 

That's very true, but he did decide to specifically address cell phone use. Not overly loud talkers in general. Not kids running around out of control. Not people who light up despite the no smoking signs. Not an impromptu food fight between tables six and thirteen. The last one's mostly a joke, obviously, but there are many things other than cell phones that can go wrong. On a list this detailed, if cell phones are included I'd expect at least one general "when customers attack" rule. And honestly, I think good, clear guidelines for how to deal with common problems would be a lot more important than some of the stuff on the list.

[Nurvingiel]

I agree with you PeterM, but you have to admit that a list of sensible things that every restaurant should do would be a less interesting article.

[merryns]

But, most restaurants sell wine by the glass anyway...if they sell by the bottle, then they'll give the bottle to the customers. 

Wine by the glass is usually house wine - there will be plenty of those bottles around to take a label from, or just a copy of the menu. I think the "steam off the label" business would be reserved for places with extensive cellars, and some very expensive wines. Those would NOT be sold by the glass.

Australian restaurants will typically have quite a range of wine by the glass. Not as much as wine by the bottle, but far more than one red,  one white and one sparking house wine.

[ShieldMaiden]

I'm a little surprised at "Don't bring the check until someone has asked for it."

I have always thought it was perfectly polite for a waiter/waitress to discreetly place the check down on the table and say "Whenever you are ready" or something along those lines to reassure that there was no rush.

Normally, I prefer to have the check as soon as possible.  It seems inevitable that, no matter how good the service up 'til that point, when it comes time to get the bill, the server is completely unavailable for the next fifteen minutes.  But this is at typical Applebee's/Olive Garden/TGIFriday's type places. 

However, in a very nice restaurant, where prompt service is a given, I'd rather ask for the check; I often want to order one last thing, and I always feel like a jerk doing that after the bill's been brought out.

A cultural diference, I think, but one thing I don't like in American restaurants, is that they bring you the check as soon as you are finished eating.
It is like taking away plates before everybody is finished, it makes me feel rushed.
However, from some threads on staying at your table after you finished eating, I get the impression that in American restaurants it is more normal to have dinner and then go, while in European restaurants it is normal to take it easy and spent more time on and after dinner

DH is from England and he does not like the rushed atmosphere in most American restaurants.  His pet peeve is when the main course comes out as soon as we finish our starters.  He will actually tell our server that we are planning a leisurely meal and we'll order our starters first and then let him/her know when we are ready to order the main course.  This way there's a definite break between the two courses and we can enjoy our meal.  We'll also order coffee or port after dessert.  It usually ends up being a 2-3 hour meal, which is actually quite nice.

[linp1920]

I really like the rule about bringing the ketchup without judgement. The rule itself is a good one and i really like how he phrased it.

Now if only I could get waiters in American restaurants to bring me mayo for my fries without looking startled or disgusted.

[Flora Louise]

... 'never compliment a guest because you are insulting someone else'.

I hate, hate, hate the attitude that if you compliment someone, you're insulting someone else.  Sadly, there are people who will react just that way.  "What?  She has a pretty dress? What am I, chopped liver?"  But these are probably the same people who, if you compliment them will decide that it's a veiled insult.  "Oh, my hair looks good today?  I must be a regular Medusa the rest of the time!"

I was once at a business event with a younger colleague. A woman from across the hall came rushing over to say to her, "You are so gorgeous. You could be a model. My lord, you are really very pretty." This girl was quite beautiful and very sweet. But yeah, I smiled and stood by feeling invisible. Vain, but there it is. People do react this way. I think the owner was cautioning against that kind of display.

[hobish]

I really like the rule about bringing the ketchup without judgement. The rule itself is a good one and i really like how he phrased it.

Now if only I could get waiters in American restaurants to bring me mayo for my fries without looking startled or disgusted.

Me, too! That is part of why i like that rule so much. I don't like ketchup, but i put mayo on all kinds of stuff, including fries.

[jibby]

The wine label discussion is really interesting.  If a restaurant tends to attract oenophiles (people who re-e-eally love wine), then yes, it would make sense to require the label steamed off and presented to the patron, at least for wines ordered by the bottle.  It's a good use of the waiter's time, bc it feeds the passion of their target customer.  There are too many variations on a label for me to remember every detail.  While it wouldn't matter for mass-produced wines, the characteristics of small-batch wines can vary greatly from year to year.

And a giant POD to not touching the bowl of the glass.  I don't think there's a polite way to point out to someone that their body heat is warming my chilled wine. 

And I *like* hearing the waiter's name, not in the familiar, lets-be-friends manner, but I don't have a problem with "if you need anything, my name is Andrew".  Even if I never need it.

Agree with most everyone's comments to not treat the single diner as some type of pity project.  I like eating alone sometimes and what I *don't* want is a waiter who obviously feels sorry for me and tries to be the friend he/she thinks I need.   

[jibby]

Suddenly, I have a yen for Ed DeBevic's. 

I worked in a wine bar once upon a time. Never gave anyone a label. Bottles, yes. Steaming off labels, no.

And we had some nice wines. Wanna know the different sweetness levels between spatlese, auchlese, beerenauschlese and trockenbeerenauchlese?

Oh and fyi, the author wouldn't have written the head for his article.

Oh, heck yes, lol.  I would love to plop this list down on the table and let the server rip away!  (I agree with the list for fine dining establishments, but sometimes a person just wants an entertaining/abusive meal...)

[MrsJWine]

Suddenly, I have a yen for Ed DeBevic's. 

I worked in a wine bar once upon a time. Never gave anyone a label. Bottles, yes. Steaming off labels, no.

And we had some nice wines. Wanna know the different sweetness levels between spatlese, auchlese, beerenauschlese and trockenbeerenauchlese?

Oh and fyi, the author wouldn't have written the head for his article.

Oh, heck yes, lol.  I would love to plop this list down on the table and let the server rip away!  (I agree with the list for fine dining establishments, but sometimes a person just wants an entertaining/abusive meal...)

Oh my heck.  I love that restaurant.  I always wanted to work there, but I would always be afraid that some completely oblivious person would come in, not knowing what it really was, and end up leaving in tears.

[hyzenthlay]

We'll also order coffee or port after dessert.  It usually ends up being a 2-3 hour meal, which is actually quite nice.

Nice for you. Not nice for the restaurant which counts on turning the tables a certain number of times in an evening. And maybe not nice to the server who is counting on a tip from that table 5 times in an evening, and instead gets only 2 or 3.

If you were continuing to purchase alcohol, that would still leave a good profit margin, but is you just dine very slowly . . . too many customers like that and a restaurant goes under. As many of them do anyway. It's a narrow margin business.

[ShieldMaiden]

We'll also order coffee or port after dessert.  It usually ends up being a 2-3 hour meal, which is actually quite nice.

Nice for you. Not nice for the restaurant which counts on turning the tables a certain number of times in an evening. And maybe not nice to the server who is counting on a tip from that table 5 times in an evening, and instead gets only 2 or 3.

If you were continuing to purchase alcohol, that would still leave a good profit margin, but is you just dine very slowly . . . too many customers like that and a restaurant goes under. As many of them do anyway. It's a narrow margin business.

We don't dine at restaurants with high turnovers or family-style seating (such as AppleBees or Outback, etc).  These are nice restaurants where we have late reservations 7:30-8pm and we aren't expected to leave as soon as possible for the next set of people to come in.  Truthfully, we would never dine at one of these restaurants because we enjoy to dine at a leisurely pace.

[hyzenthlay]

We don't dine at restaurants with high turnovers or family-style seating (such as AppleBees or Outback, etc).  These are nice restaurants where we have late reservations 7:30-8pm and we aren't expected to leave as soon as possible for the next set of people to come in. 

Then why does your DH have to make a point of not ordering until the starters have been finished?  Your earlier post makes it sound as though he is subverting the intentions of the resturant, which isn't particularly nice for them, even if it is for you.