Correcting grammar at the dinner table

[gjcva1]

a momentary blank stare at BIL, followed by turning to the person you were speaking to and stating "as i was saying......"

[Secret]

"I like my grammer the way it is thanks!"

[ZipTheWonder]

This is a situation in which I think you need to make a pre-emptive strike, otherwise you risk giving him a public dressing-down.  That's not something I'd like to see happen at the dinner table any more than I'd like to see a grammar lesson.

Take him aside beforehand, and tell him that you've noticed he's done this several times, and that you'd like to ask him to avoid it at this meal. 

[Lisbeth]

Sometimes I uses bad grammar on purpose when I wants to make a point. 

You might try the same thing with your BIL if he tries to correct you.  Then say, "BIL, this isn't the classroom.  I'd appreciate it if you'd let it go while you're here."

[Slartibartfast]

- *Don't* use the word "rude."  He may be rude to correct everyone, but this would put him on the defensive.
-*Don't* try to cover it over with humor.  If he doesn't understand that you're serious, he may send one-liners right back and keep doing it, and then it's even more embarassing when he finally understands you want him to stop.
*Don't* speak for everyone else - although if this is a habit that he is willing to try to break, he will probably stop correcting everyone, not just you.

I would opt for a simple pre-emptive strike when you can talk just the two of you:

"Hey BIL, I know that sometimes my grammar bothers you, but I hate being corrected in front of other people.  I'm happy to have you say something when we're in private, but would you mind just letting things slide when other people are around?  Thanks!"

[RuneGuardian]

Perhaps you could intentionally speak using the worst possible grammar to annoy him. Use double and triple negatives, use "ain't", and so forth. If he corrects you for a small infraction, respond with something like, "Hey you ain't workin' right now an' I don't need no schoolin'". Or you could verbally point out some of his flaws when in the presence of others, like "You've got a great big hair stick out of your nose" or "You ever think about cutting those fingernails?". Rude? Yes - but perhaps it will get the point across.

I admit I'm also picky about grammar and I hate when people use bad language, but I could never bring myself to call people out on their grammar 'mistakes'. I don't care if you're an English teacher or not, you need a big set o' berries to correct someone else in the presense of others, especially if said person is an adult.

[Venus193]

"Although I appreciate your efforts to correct my grammar, it is actually rude to point out these mistakes in front of everyone.  If you feel that strongly that you need to correct any of us, please do it in private and not at the dinner table.  We're your family not your students"  However, come to think of it, unless I really sound like a moron, I don't want him correcting me at all! But i could live with it in private.

I recommend the short version "BIL; it's Christmas. School is closed for the holiday."  or something else like that.  The other statement just draws more attention to this.

I'm a pronunciation and grammar freak, too, but I do my best to grit my teeth and say nothing unless the sin is truly egregious.  At that time I generally correct the person in private.

[JoyinVirginia]

There is a funny comic strip called Jump Start, about a young couple with kids and their assorted family and friends. The husband's mother is the "Grammar Police" and some of the strips have addressed this. The Mom is always right and the family is always annoyed! LOL! The cartoonist must have someone like your BIL in his family! It is online at comics.com, maybe if you look at past strips you can find one you could print out and hand to BIL at the dinner!
www.comics.com/comics/jumpstart/
Joy in Virginia

[ShadesOfGrey]

"Hey BIL, I know that sometimes my grammar bothers you, but I hate being corrected in front of other people.  I'm happy to have you say something when we're in private, but would you mind just letting things slide when other people are around?  Thanks!"

Slartibartfast, I would have to disagree with your wording - only because it is phrased as a question, rather than a statement.  If she wants to set this boundary with him, I dont think she should *ask* if he minds letting it slide.  I think a more direct approach would really let him know where the boundary line is. 

I do think you are right about not using one-liners and humor, especially since it seems kinda tit-for-tat to me in this situation.  Unless you maybe use it after telling him not to, as a humorous reminder of your serious conversation. 

Just another opinion to consider.

-grammar freak USA

[Alida]

"Oh!  I didn't know we were being graded!"

[DottyG]

"Hey BIL, I know that sometimes my grammar bothers you, but I hate being corrected in front of other people.  I'm happy to have you say something when we're in private, but would you mind just letting things slide when other people are around?  Thanks!"

Slartibartfast, I would have to disagree with your wording - only because it is phrased as a question, rather than a statement.  If she wants to set this boundary with him, I dont think she should *ask* if he minds letting it slide.  I think a more direct approach would really let him know where the boundary line is. 

I do think you are right about not using one-liners and humor, especially since it seems kinda one of the girls-for-tat to me in this situation.  Unless you maybe use it after telling him not to, as a humorous reminder of your serious conversation. 

Just another opinion to consider.

-grammar freak USA

I agree with both of you.  About not using humor, being direct and phrasing in the form of a statement.

This is a boundary that the OP is trying to set.  And, as such, it's treated as any other kind of boundary.

[Cz. Burrito]

Hi,
This is not a big deal in the scheme of things - but I'd like a polite response to use.

My BIL is an English teacher and he is very smart. However, he has developed an annoying habit of correcting everyone's grammar. This usually ocurrs at the dinner table.

Oh, hey... I didn't know that my uncle was your BIL!  Except that he doesn't limit himself to grammar.  He's like an encyclopedia of all sorts of delightful facts that people might mis-state at family gatherings!  It's so much fun!

[ehellion]

I hate people like that, there's nothing wrong with correcting a gross misuse in private, but it is very rude to embarrass people in public.

Yeah, like when my maternal grandparents were visiting with some uneducated friends of theirs, who'd heard the word "feces" somewhere, and mistook the meaning for "thesis," and then proceeded to tell my grandparents ALL about how proud they were of their wonderful son, who was writing his "graduate feces" off at university.  Of course, my grandparents kept a straight face the whole time, but I still think that that story is pretty funny, lol.  I think the correct thing to do would have been to quietly explain the difference between the two words, but I think they probably held off either because they didn't want to make their friends uncomfortable, or diminish the "proud-of-son" moment in any way.  I hope they found out sooner or later, though, before they brought it up someplace else.....like having dinner with the Queen or something, lol.  But then, I bet the Queen would have done the same thing my grandparents did, lol.

Yep, I'm still laughing....your post cracks me up, lol. Graduate feces....*giggle*

[graceh9]

Hi,
This is not a big deal in the scheme of things - but I'd like a polite response to use.

My BIL is an English teacher and he is very smart. However, he has developed an annoying habit of correcting everyone's grammar. This usually ocurrs at the dinner table.

Now I'm all for learning - I want to be corrected when I am wrong about a fact or something else - as long as I'm not in an argument with DH   But I don't like having my grammar corrected in front of everyone at the dinner table. I just think it is rude, even though BIL and I get along quite well. 

Anyway, I don't speak cr@ppy English. If I make a mistake in grammar or use the wrong word it is generally so small an infraction that no one else even notices - except BIL. And if he is not correcting me he is correcting someone else - most of the people in the family have average to above average grammar/verbal skills. I wouldn't be embarrassed to be out with any of them in public   So really our mistakes are not that bad.

The "corrections" will happen at Christmas - trust me.

So - what I want to respond with is: "Although I appreciate your efforts to correct my grammar, it is actually rude to point out these mistakes in front of everyone.  If you feel that strongly that you need to correct any of us, please do it in private and not at the dinner table.  We're your family not your students"  However, come to think of it, unless I really sound like a moron, I don't want him correcting me at all! But i could live with it in private.

So if he is rude for correcting everyone in public, am I then rude for telling him not to do it (telling him in public)? I have a great relationship with him and I'd to keep it, but this habit is borderline obnoxious. I think he is aware of doing it too - he is very proud of himself (and rightfully so) for being a good teacher.

you are smart for anticipating this and heading it off at the pass -- since he is insensitive and ignorant of appropriate social behavior, there isn't much of a graceful way to do this --

adults are not responsible for 'raising' other adults -- it is RUDE to correct someone else's mistakes publicly -- and if done privately, the corrector should cease and desist if the corectee makes it clear that it is not welcome

if at all possible why not take him aside BEFORE that first dinner and say something like 'you know every time we get together, you point out grammatical errors I make in front of everyone at the table -- please don't do this.  You aren't my father and I am not your child and it is just very uncomfortable to be treated this way.  I don't think anyone appreciate being publicly corrected, I know I sure don't.'  This way you are 'correcting' him privately without humiliating him publicly.  If he continues to do this -- then you can go ahead to publicly take him down. 

[ehellion]

*bump*