Author Topic: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM  (Read 7229 times)

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Miss Unleaded

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #30 on: November 11, 2009, 04:59:26 AM »
Isn't it nice when this happens?   :)  I sometimes get pretty jaded hanging out on Ehell so it's good to read stories like this.

cicero

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #31 on: November 11, 2009, 05:03:03 AM »
lovely update!

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JonGirl

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #32 on: November 11, 2009, 05:09:10 AM »
happy to hear that!
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Amava

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #33 on: November 11, 2009, 05:58:25 AM »
I am very glad to hear it all worked out!  :)

bopper

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #34 on: November 11, 2009, 09:49:55 AM »
I am glad that you said something to her, and I am glad that she responded.

What I wonder is, was the Champagne cold when it was given to you? If not, that is strange that someone would want to drink it warm.  If so, she might have thought it was for the party.

moimoi

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #35 on: November 15, 2009, 09:17:58 PM »
Hooray!  Seems she is ok with replacing it without any hard feelings!   I got this in an email from her today...

"I want to get out tomorrow and run the errands I was suppose to do Friday but got too late after our work meeting and the few things I did downtown.  I haven't forgotten you it's just I haven't been out shopping to pick up the champagne. That was one of the errands I wanted to do Friday...;+(   "

So I feel relieved that she knows she owes it to me and is going to pay up.   (After all, I bought her and her husband a bottle of 1999 Dom Perignon for the 10th Wedding Anniversary, along with a Dom Perignon silver ice bucket and 2 silver wine goblets.)  And I am unemployed!
I am sorry, but after reading all of these posts, I keep reading, but fail to see, how she owes the host at a byob party.  Yes, she took something that may or may not have been communal property, but I don't see that as being the underlying issue here.  Hospitality (and anniversary gifts) should be given with no expectation of reciprocity (although, yes, it, and thanks are required by etiquette).  
« Last Edit: November 15, 2009, 09:56:46 PM by moimoi »

artk2002

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #36 on: November 15, 2009, 11:52:54 PM »
Hooray!  Seems she is ok with replacing it without any hard feelings!   I got this in an email from her today...

"I want to get out tomorrow and run the errands I was suppose to do Friday but got too late after our work meeting and the few things I did downtown.  I haven't forgotten you it's just I haven't been out shopping to pick up the champagne. That was one of the errands I wanted to do Friday...;+(   "

So I feel relieved that she knows she owes it to me and is going to pay up.   (After all, I bought her and her husband a bottle of 1999 Dom Perignon for the 10th Wedding Anniversary, along with a Dom Perignon silver ice bucket and 2 silver wine goblets.)  And I am unemployed!
I am sorry, but after reading all of these posts, I keep reading, but fail to see, how she owes the host at a byob party.  Yes, she took something that may or may not have been communal property, but I don't see that as being the underlying issue here.  Hospitality (and anniversary gifts) should be given with no expectation of reciprocity (although, yes, it, and thanks are required by etiquette).  

This wasn't entirely a BYOB party -- the champagne had been brought as a hostess gift.   From the OP:

Quote
I had a Halloween party last week and provided all sorts of wines, beers, a punch and a non-alcoholic drink.  I also put in my invitations to BYOB as it's always hard to know what everyone likes to drink.
 
Every guest but one brought me something.  ... one guest gave me a special champagne as a gift for being the hostess.

The champagne wasn't intended (by the hostess) to be served at this event.  The guest who opened it and drank the entire bottle was nothing more than a thief and she owes restitution.

Even if it were BYOB, it is  beyond rude for someone who didn't bring the drink to open it and drink it all themselves.  The "YO" stands for "Your Own."
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Nurvingiel

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #37 on: November 16, 2009, 12:05:00 AM »
The only thing that was owed was a replacement bottle of champagne, and her friend is going to get a replacement bottle of champagne, so no harm done in the end right guys? :)
If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.

moimoi

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #38 on: November 16, 2009, 07:54:19 AM »
I am speaking specifically to the issue of hospitality, which does not indicate that guests should be invited into someone's home and told to bring their own beverage, food, napkin, or anything else of the sort, and then the host be offended at the lack of hostess gift.  That is the underlying theme to which I was speaking.

Kiara

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #39 on: November 16, 2009, 08:56:31 AM »
I personally see no problem hospitalitywise (is that a word?) with BYOB.  I do not drink alcohol.  I, however, have no problems with people drinking in my house.  When I throw a party, I buy everything BUT alcohol, and my friends know if they want some, bring their own. 

I think that my buying all the food, and all the non-alcoholic drinks covers my being a good host.

artk2002

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #40 on: November 16, 2009, 12:44:06 PM »
I am speaking specifically to the issue of hospitality, which does not indicate that guests should be invited into someone's home and told to bring their own beverage, food, napkin, or anything else of the sort, and then the host be offended at the lack of hostess gift.  That is the underlying theme to which I was speaking.

But this was not a full BYOB.  As I quoted above, the OP supplied plenty of drinks -- she just left the option open for others to bring drinks if they wanted something specific.  You've focused on the BYOB aspect which was really minor.  It's certainly not a failure of hosting to let people bring things if they want to -- it's only a failure of hosting if you insist that they supply things as a condition of entry.  If someone says "can I bring a dessert?" it's not wrong for the host to say "yes."  But it is wrong for the host to say "you will bring a dessert."

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the OP's hospitality from what we've seen.

I think that the issue of the lack of a hostess gift is a red herring as well.  The OP added that detail because it emphasized the overall misbehavior of that one guest.  In other words "everybody else was gracious, this one guest really misbehaved."  I didn't seen the OP being offended at the lack of a hostess gift -- it's just that the later misbehavior caused her to look back on earlier behavior by the same person and she mentioned it.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Nurvingiel

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Re: GIFTS FOR THE HOSTESS PROBLEM
« Reply #41 on: November 16, 2009, 02:19:00 PM »
The OP was annoyed that her friend drank what was a hostess gift from someone else, not that she herself did not bring one.

However her friend is going to replace the gift.
If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.