I have no good title for this thread........

[Night_owl]

BG Daughter is almost four, she was born with some physical anomalies (cleft palate, tracheal malformation, paralyzed vocal cords) that required her to need a tracheotomy and feeding tube.  After several surgeries, she is doing great and the trach and feeding tube are long gone.  She's basically indistinguishable from her peers except for her speech.  After almost 3 years of speech therapy, she only speaks about 50 words (and only immediate family understands those), but use ASL to communicate.

We recently got her a communication device.  It is a prototype and DH's friend designed it for her.  We paid for the equipment and the software, but he donated his time and effort.  It's wonderful, she's able to speak to anyone now and it has really opened up the world for her.  We are incredibly grateful.  The designer went so far as to program the speaking voice with his daughter's voice, so Daughter sounds like other kids. 

The etiquette problem is people making comments about the cost of the device.  We paid out of pocket, neither the school district or out insurance company were involved.  Our local school district has made huge cuts, especially to Special Education, and several neighbors have asked how we "got" the district to pay for this.  I've tried bean dipping and "How kind of you to take an interest." to no avail.  I'm not comfortable discussing my finances with my neighbors.

It just not neighbors, my sister made a comment about it because her husband got laid off and we are "buying expensive toys for a preschooler."  I've had two friends with kids in Special Education ask if we hired a lawyer to sue the school district.  The truth is I worked an extra 12 hour shift every week for several months to pay for the communication device because my daughter needs it to talk to people.  It's a choice we made as a family, including giving up vacations and activities and well worth it.  Hearing my daughter argue with her brothers and say "Hi " to her friends is a miracle to me.  I want the focus to be on Daughter's new rel@tionship with the world, not on the cost.  Any suggestions?  Ideas?   

[DottyG]

I wish I had ideas, but I'm at a loss. 

What I do have, though, are (((hugs))) for all of you. And, a special "I'm so happy to know you're able to communicate with your world" hug for your daughter.

[MrsJWine]

Just tell them you bought it, not the district.  You don't have to tell them how much it cost; you don't have to tell them any of it.  They don't have to know anything about your finances.  "It was a private purchase; the district had nothing to do with it," and then the subject is closed.

As for people making nasty comments about "expensive toys for preschoolers," I'd ask, "How much would you pay for your child to be able to talk?  Because that's basically what we got her with this little device."  If I replied at all.  My immediate reaction to such a thing might be such that it'd better for me to just walk away.

[Joannie81]

I don't think a device that allows someone to comunicate is "an expensive toy".  It is a necessary tool for your DD.  It's wonderful that she is able to finally talk to you.  I really don't have any advice for you on what to say. 

[Shu]

Bean-dipping people on how it the device was acquired is making problems for you that don't need to exist. I can't see any reason to withhold the fact that you bought it- it's how much you paid for it and how you paid for it is not any of their business. If you just simply said "it wasn't funded, we acquired it privately" it doesn't tell them anything they don't need to know, but it doesn't make you seem like you are hiding anything either.

If you are close to parents that might need a similar device I would even consider filling them in on the costs and if/how they could get one.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  for the other parents of children with special needs they may be asking  because their child needs some device/aid the school is not providing and are asking the steps to have the school make provisions , "the district didn't provide it " add as much or little as you fell comfortable of how it was purchased "a friend made it " would likely dissuade questions as to what group/charity did.

To anyone with the unmitigated gaul to call it an expensive toy....Well what comes to mind first would land me in the depths of E-hell so how about this ... I still believe it warrants a harsh answer " pardon me ? did you just imply a tool which is the only way my child can communicate with most of the world is a toy?"

[Master_Edward]

Frankly I'd tell them "not that it's any of your business but husband and I paid for it ourselves" if I were you. Because really it's not their business, the nerve of some people.

Ed.

[Audrey Quest]

Please enlighten them.  Tell them that you worked extra hard, scrimped, sacrificed and saves to get it for you daughter because it was that important.
 
It's an attitude that needs to be more prevalent and one that would be an excellent example for your daughter.

[bduckie]

The ones with Spec ed kids are probably looking to get tips on how to get stuff for their own children. Just flat out say you paid for it yourself, no grants or district help.

As for your sister, a very stern "a voice is NOT a toy" is called for. The nerve!

[kglory]

As for people making nasty comments about "expensive toys for preschoolers," I'd ask, "How much would you pay for your child to be able to talk?"

That is really nicely put!  And there is no possible comeback other than reflection and realizing the gaffe one just made.

[magician5]

I've tried bean dipping and "How kind of you to take an interest." to no avail.  I'm not comfortable discussing my finances with my neighbors. It just not neighbors, my sister made a comment about it because her husband got laid off and we are "buying expensive toys for a preschooler."

Time to stop bean-dipping and state your message outright, in the face of such comments ... which IMO go beyond "impolite" and into "callous or cruel."

"Sis, it's not a toy and you know it. It's a great blessing to have an aid to help overcome her handicap."

"Neighbors, this is something we paid for 100%. And beyond that I'm not comfortable discussing the matter."

[Amava]

Your sister's comment made my brain implode. I would not get any further than giving her a completely weirded-out look, because calling this device a toy is just so completely off the wall that it would stun me. 

[lovestoread]

Please enlighten them.  Tell them that you worked extra hard, scrimped, sacrificed and saves to get it for you daughter because it was that important.
 
It's an attitude that needs to be more prevalent and one that would be an excellent example for your daughter.

i like this - i think you should be proud of what you've worked hard for!  You have given your child a voice, and I think thats the most selfless thing I've ever heard, to be honest.

Tell people that you worked hard, sacrificed and got this equipment for your daughter without any help from outside sources.  You never know, you may inspire people!  You've certainly inspired me!

[gibsongirl]

Hearing my daughter argue with her brothers and say "Hi " to her friends is a miracle to me.  I want the focus to be on Daughter's new rel@tionship with the world, not on the cost.  Any suggestions?  Ideas?   

This.  Tell them this.  Maybe they will be shamed into silence.  Grrrrrrr, on your behalf.  It is uncharitable to think those things of you...it is unconscionable to say them.

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

"It's not a Toy, It's a commication Aid. And the Government didn't pay for it, We covered the costs ourselves.

<<<OP and Child>>>