Holiday Etiquette

[ginlyn32]

DO:

*Give your guests plenty of notice if you plan on hosting dinner. This is especially true if you have people who will have to travel more than a few hours to get to your house.

*It is perfectly fine to host a potluck dinner with the hosts providing the meat and drinks.



DON'T:

*Wait until the last minute to decide that you want to host the Holiday Dinner and then be mad when everyone you invite has already made plans. Unless they are under 18 and living with you, you do not get to demand they spend Holiday with you.

*Get angry when your guests can only spend a few hours at your house. They may have other family to spend time with or their own traditions.

*If you do decide to provide the whole meal (meat, sides, drinks, dessert), DO NOT complain about the cost and time it took to prepare. This is especially true if your family has offered to bring food or host dinner themselves.


Don't be afraid to let someone else host dinner. If you know you are going to be very busy or have health problems that may prevent you from doing all you normally do, it may be best for everyone bow out for this holiday. It is NOT okay to guilt people or make them feel bad for you feeling "overwhelmed" when you were asked several times if you needed help.

Holidays are not a good time to try out a new Main Dish on your unsuspecting family. (many Americans associate Thanksgiving with Roast Turkey/Ham, stuffing and all the sides and three or four different desserts. Deviate from this with EXTREME CAUTION!)

ginlyn

[evely28]

(many Americans associate Thanksgiving with Roast Turkey/Ham, stuffing and all the sides and three or four different desserts. Deviate from this with EXTREME CAUTION!)

ginlyn

I will add: Let your guests know at the time of the invitation or sometime before the RSVP "we are celebrating Thanksgiving this year with salsa and enchilada's and would love for you to join us" rather than after an RSVP in the affirmative.

[Namárië]

This is mostly Holiday Hosting Etiquette--what about guest behaviors?

Like, don't loudly complain if the host has forgotten to provide a meal that you usually expect. Even if it was done on purpose.

I can't think of any others, but I know there's plenty!  

ETA: I think it's pretty rude to tell little kids that Santa isn't real. (Obviously, if you don't want to lie, you can choose to say nothing on the subject.)

[Lisbeth]

Also:

If members of your family are not able or willing to follow your traditions and/or come to your celebration one year, do not assume it is a personal rejection of you, your family, your religion, or your tradition-it may just be the desire for a change, due to work requirements, or due to a change in the family structure, like a marriage, divorce, or new baby, that requires some degree of compromise.  Respect it without guilt-tripping-even if it is likely to be your last celebration of the holiday in your lifetime.

If you are going to be with persons of other religious or cultural backgrounds or traditions, respect their beliefs and traditions, don't patronize them, and don't use the occasion to proselytize or condemn them for their beliefs.

Don't make unilateral non-family plans for the holidays themselves that don't take into account the probable non-availability of others and hold them accountable for not participating.

Respect the possibility that people you expect to exchange gifts with might not be able to give gifts of the same financial value during bad economic times as in the past-including none at all.  Be prepared to graciously accept token gifts, like cards, if that's all they can afford to give and don't try to estimate their budgets or financial resources.

[Visiting Crazy Town]

I would also like to added

Guest
 IF you are invited do not complain that  hostess's dish  doesn't taste like your mother's dish

[readingchick]

If you go the potluck route, don't complain if a guest doesn't bring a dish they usually bring.

[high dudgeon]

When issuing invites to a holiday celebration, do give the invitees a general rundown of the plans, before asking for their response. No matter how common and traditional you think your celebration is. Just because your family always/never watches football or serves a particular dish doesn't mean that everyone else's family does too. Let your guests know exactly what you're inviting them to, so they can make an informed decision. And graciously accept their answer, whatever it is.

[Finduilas]

If you go the potluck route, don't complain if a guest doesn't bring a dish they usually bring.

Although if you are a guest and you've been bringing a dish to the same holiday for a number of years (for example, my aunt has brought green beans with French's onion topping to Thanksgiving since before I was born), then it would be polite to let your host know if you intend to bring something new this year.  That way, if it's a dish that is generally enjoyed by all, someone else can make it.

[ginlyn32]

Guests:

*If your host is having a potluck dinner and you ask to bring a dish, please bring the dish you state. If the host is expecting you to bring 3 pumpkin pies and you bring a bag of chips and dip instead, well it's likely there will be no dessert.

*If you are making a pot luck dish, take into account how many guests will be present. Ask your host if you are not sure. Plan accordingly! Don't just make a four-serving package of Stove-Top stuffing for a party of 30+! (yes this has happened on DH's side of the family)

*If you are not sure you will be able to participate in the family name-draw gift exchange, then do not participate. Waiting until the last minute and then realizing that fact is not fair to the other family member who did participate.


ginlyn

[o_gal]

Guests:

If you are going to be more than 15 minutes late to your host's home, please contact them in some way to let them know you are going to be late and that they should start without you.

Hosts:

If your meal is going to be more than 15 to 30 minutes late, please inform your guests and provide something for them to nibble on, if possible.

Guests:

Please do not bring frozen ingredients for a dish that is not traditional for your family dinner, stay an hour in the living room playing with your relative's kids while others are setting the table in full view of you, whine and complain when the others announce that dinner is served, then play martyr cooking your dish in the kitchen when the others rightfully chose to continue without you or your dish 

[Visiting Crazy Town]

Guests:

Please do not bring frozen ingredients for a dish that is not traditional for your family dinner, stay an hour in the living room playing with your relative's kids while others are setting the table in full view of you, whine and complain when the others announce that dinner is served, then play martyr cooking your dish in the kitchen when the others rightfully chose to continue without you or your dish 

I take it you know my BFF sister

[Lisbeth]

One more:

Hosts: If you tell your guests to arrive by 3pm, be prepared to serve within an hour from 3pm...not at 9pm.  Keeping your guests waiting a long time to be fed is really inconsiderate of them, as is not letting them know that you don't plan to serve a full meal at mealtime.

[TylerBelle]

This is more a general thing, and I mentioned it before in the Hosting thread, but I'd like to add again for it's near to me.

Guests (and perhaps Hosts, too, but Guests I'd think mostly)

Try to keep to pleasant and amusing topics. While everyone's sitting around, talking, munching, playing games, just basically enjoying themselves, don't bring up something from the past that wasn't very pleasant. Such as while in the midst of the group ask if everyone recalls how a couple of Christmases ago Cousin Ella accidentally ran over Uncle Bob's big toe with the car because ice was on the driveway. It was broke in three places and most of the family spent the evening in the ER and the kids were all mad because it cut into their present-opening time and now Ella's made to feel like she ruined that gathering for everyone. Goodness. I know hot button topics (politics, religion, etc.) should be tempered, but any unpleasantries should be reined in as possible, too, unless causing ill will is the goal, though hopefully not.

Guests:

*If you are not sure you will be able to participate in the family name-draw gift exchange, then do not participate. Waiting until the last minute and then realizing that fact is not fair to the other family member who did participate.


ginlyn

Yes, this. Also if a gift exchange is done at work, or church, or any group one is in. If you don't have the intention of following through after participating in the drawing, then refrain from it.

[Hawkwatcher]

Guests:

*If your host is having a potluck dinner and you ask to bring a dish, please bring the dish you state. If the host is expecting you to bring 3 pumpkin pies and you bring a bag of chips and dip instead, well it's likely there will be no dessert.


ginlyn

Guests:

One of the big problems I see with bringing chips instead 3 pies is that the guest is doing less than he or she agreed to do.  Sometimes things happen and you have to go change your plans.  If something does happen and you have to substitute another dish, make sure it is similar in quality and quantity.  For example, 3 sweet potato pies would be a better substitute for three pumpkin pies than a bag chips and dip.

If you plan to exchange gifts, keep with the spirit of the season.  Do not use gifts as an opportunity to send a passive-aggressive message.  For example:  Don't give a diet book to someone who has expressed no interest in dieting.

Hosts:

If you are having a potluck meal, assign dishes fairly.  Do not ask one guest to bring 2 complicated dishes and another guest to bring a bag of chips.

If a guest asks "Can I bring something?"  It is okay to say "yes," but make you that you request something reasonable.  Do not make the guest regret his or her offer by asking that person to bring half of the meal.

If you invite guests to come to your house from an extremely long distance, make sure to provide accommodations for them.  Do not volunteer another family member or friend to host them.

[blarg314]

- You can either enlist other people to help with the food (bring a dish, potluck) *or* have complete control over what is served and how it is prepared, not both. If you want it done exactly your way, you have to do it yourself.  (I once saw an article once that advised doing a bring-a-dish style meal and handing out recipes and detailed instructions to everyone)

- Don't take it personally. In general, I mean - a family member's decision to spend a holiday with the other side of the family or on their own, a different choice of menu, someone bringing their very favourite dish along, someone hating your very favourite dish - don't assume it's meant to insult you or cause you problems.

- Keep your expectations realistic. Your family is unlikely to be better behaved, more affectionate, fairer or emotionally closer than they are during the rest of the year.