Holiday Etiquette

[JoanOfArc]

Guests:
If you ask if you can help and the host/hostess says no, accept it.  Some kitchens are just too small for large numbers of people to 'help.'

Don't volunteer to bring a dish you aren't sure you can make well.  If you burn everything you put in the oven, don't volunteer to make a pie. If you forget the sugar in baked goods, don't volunteer to bring them. 

Holidays are family time.  You don't have to love everyone in your family, but you should be able to exchange a cordial word with them.  Showing a bit of interest in their life is a good start.

Hosts:
Food is great, but have something else for guests to do, especially if there are young kids involved.  Nothing is more painful for kids than being expected to sit around all day. Set aside an area for them to play or do something.  It spares you, your other guests and the kids a great deal of headache. 

[ginlyn32]

If part of the Holiday is that games are played (card games or board games) make sure you ask everyone present if they would like to play. (on DH's side of the family there is usually card games played by the adults and kids. Phase 10 is a favorite as is Skipbo or Euchre. I've been excluded several times. Not even asked. So then I'm stuck in the family watching football...doesnt bother me but i would rather play cards!)

Make sure you have something for the kids to do. A couple of board games and maybe an extra TV with a DVD player would be great. You could even rent a couple of Holiday movies for the kids to watch!

If you are a guest, make sure you offer to help the host clean up the kitchen. I've hosted Thanksgiving for years and it's getting to the point where I resent it because I do ALL the work, before and after. I end up being exhausted and not enjoying my family as much.

Hosts, make it easy on yourselves and get paper plates, napkins and plasticwear for eating and drinking. That way all you have to do is clean the big pots and pans.

Finally, make sure the place where you plan on hosting your Holiday get-together is large enough to hold everyone. Don't try to cram 30+ people into a small 2 bedroom home. It's going to be cramped with everyone getting in everyone's way.

ginlyn

[Emmy]

Guests with kids:  If you host doesn't have kids or has kids of different ages, bring things for your kids to do.  A couple without children isn't likely to have a lot of things that young kids can do in their home.

Guests, if you are really late (like 2 or 3 hours), don't be surprised or upset that everyone decided to go ahead and eat.  If you are running late, it is always polite to call, but don't expect everybody else to put off eating dinner for a long time to wait.

Hosts: If you are doing the adult/kid table thing (which is sometimes necessary due to space issues), make sure you don't stick a lone teenager at the table with the very young kids.  Ditto if teenager is expected to babysit the little kids.

[Lisbeth]

Hosts: If you are doing the adult/kid table thing (which is sometimes necessary due to space issues), make sure you don't stick a lone teenager at the table with the very young kids.  Ditto if teenager is expected to babysit the little kids.

Don't do this with single adults either.

[L.A. Lady]

Hosts: If you are doing the adult/kid table thing (which is sometimes necessary due to space issues), make sure you don't stick a lone teenager at the table with the very young kids.  Ditto if teenager is expected to babysit the little kids.

Don't do this with single adults either.

POD to both of you!

[Shoo]

If it is traditional (and expected) to take some of the leftovers home with you when you have dinner at someone else's house, please take your own tupperware.  

Oh, and if you aren't absolutely sure you will be offered leftovers, don't just show up with tupperware in hand.  At least leave it in your car until you know you are welcome to take food home with you.

[Lisbeth]

To hosts: Please don't push leftovers on a guest after they've already declined-especially if they're traveling long-distance.

[claddagh lass]

Guests:  If you are going to be late please call.

Do not try to pick fights with other guests or try to alienate because you're bored or you think it's funny.

Do not make snide remarks about a person who's attitude or being you do not care for.  This could very well get back to the person or someone they care about.

Hosts:  If your guests are starving don't force them wait even longer or forbid them from having a small snack until such and such a guest arrives.

This could also very well apply to the opening of Christmas presents.

All of the above have happened in my family during the holidays.

[TiredMum]

Guests

- Do not arrive an hour early (after being told to arrive at the correct time) and act surprised that it's not ready.

- Do not invite additional family members & just inform the host of it.  Don't yell at the host when she brings this up as an issue later on.
You are not the victim here.

Other guests
- It does nothing for the hosts peace of mind to hear that you don't like the additional family members.

Cats
- Do not *trim/eat* the Xmas tree & sick it up MULTIPLE TIMES, please don't do this in front of the guests.

Kids
- Do not hit the glass ornaments which WERE out of reach with the new light sabre, please tell an adult about the broken glass.


Note to self:  plan to run away to Antarctica next year

[Dandy Andy's Daddy's Love]

Keep the spirit of the season in your heart. Yes, there are things that drive a person wild, but if you can't get past the pettiness for the sake of relationship harmony, stay home.

[claddagh lass]

Cats
- Do not *trim/eat* the Xmas tree & sick it up MULTIPLE TIMES, please don't do this in front of the guests.

They should also refrain from drinking the water that's meant for the Christmas tree.  Especially if someone has spiked the water with Vodka or other types of alcohol which is rumored to keep the tree greener longer. 

Note:  It doesn't work and we had a very drunk cat on our hands.

Note to self:  plan to run away to Antarctica next year

Take me with you!   

[Black Delphinium]

-While it is fun to be festive and jolly, just because it's the holidays doesn't making singing at the top of your lungs(or even at the not-so-top of your lungs) in public okay. Even if you have the pipes of a new Sarah Brightman, not everyone wants to hear your rendition of "O Holy Night" or "Deck the Halls".

-Bell Ringers are people too. Just because you don't have to acknowledge them doesn't give you the right to push past them like they aren't there. Conversely, if you are a bell ringer or charity collector, be mindful of leaving enough space for regular foot traffic.

-If your holiday checkout person at the store seems less chatty than normal, it's mostly likely due to needing to keep the lines moving. Yes, it's nice to talk about holiday plans, but high customer traffic makes speed necessary.

[Lisbeth]

Carolers: Find out in advance if the homeowners you are caroling is open to that, and if their neighborhood will allow it.  Not everyone has the holiday spirit-and it doesn't justify making a captive audience of people who do not consent to having you carol.

For those who hang out light displays and decorations, be careful not to cross boundaries onto the properties of your neighbors without their permission, and if local authorities/HOAs etc. don't permit or restrict when these can be displayed, respect those rulings.

[Auntie Mame]

Not everyone loves the holidays.  There are many, many reasons people may dread the holidays or just not care.  There are also many, many reasons why people love this time of year.

That said:

Holiday lovers: Don't force your Holiday cheer on people who aren't as enthusiastic.  Don't try to berate or pester them into a better mood.  Trust me, that doesn't work.  Do not call them "Scrooge" or anything else derogatory just because they aren't as excited as you are.  If someone isn't into the Holidays, leave them alone and talk about something. 

Non-Holiday Lovers: Do not piddle all over someone's good cheer.  Do not insult them, or the way they choose to celebrate (for example, if someone loves to decorate).  Do not rant on and on about how much you hate this time year.  Hate on it all you want, but let others have their fun.

[cicero]

guests and hosts:

mistakes happen. problem arise. s*it hits the fan.

when *things* go wrong, don't get hysterical, don't start fighting or sniping or generally making everyone else feel uncomfortable. tensions are high, we sometimes have to be somewhere that we really don't want to be but adding more tension to that just makes things worse.

have back up plans. learn to smile. decide that people (at least some of them) are more important than things. so when your new step mother arrives at your house before the passover seder without the paper goods that she insisted on buying "to make it easier for you", because she forgot them at home --- just smile, pull out your "emergency stock" and pretend it never happened. or when said new step mother pulls out the pot of fish she insisted on making "to make it easier for you" and you realize that (a) there isn't enough there and (b) it looked icky and didn't taste that good, pull out your "emergency cans" and quickly throw together some alternative. (yes, that all happened before I grew a backbone and learned to say - and mean - *no thank you*)