Holiday Etiquette

[ginlyn32]

This is probably basic hosting etiquette but I'm putting it here...

Hosts:

*If you have inside animals that shed, please at least vacuum once or twice and vacuum off the furniture. Don't just leave cat/dog hair all over everything. My son is allergic to cats and he had to sleep on a futon that was COVERED in cat hair. that's just....gross, for lack of a better word.

*also CLEAN YOU LITTER BOX OUT! Sorry for shouting but your cat box REAKED of cat pee! I almost wanted to leave because of it. It was just gross.

I realize that people with animals are used to the animal smell around their house. We do not have animals in our house so we are not used to the smell. I feel like if you have cats or other animals that use the bathroom in your home, then you need to maintain the animal's bathroom better. I just could not believe how much cat hair and over-all smell there was.  My poor son could hardly breathe.
It's a good thing we brought our own Benedryl.

ginlyn

[Shoo]

This is probably basic hosting etiquette but I'm putting it here...

Hosts:

*If you have inside animals that shed, please at least vacuum once or twice and vacuum off the furniture. Don't just leave cat/dog hair all over everything. My son is allergic to cats and he had to sleep on a futon that was COVERED in cat hair. that's just....gross, for lack of a better word.

*also CLEAN YOU LITTER BOX OUT! Sorry for shouting but your cat box REAKED of cat pee! I almost wanted to leave because of it. It was just gross.

I realize that people with animals are used to the animal smell around their house. We do not have animals in our house so we are not used to the smell. I feel like if you have cats or other animals that use the bathroom in your home, then you need to maintain the animal's bathroom better. I just could not believe how much cat hair and over-all smell there was.  My poor son could hardly breathe.
It's a good thing we brought our own Benedryl.

ginlyn

Oh my goodness, that is just gross!

My dog and my cat are the main reason I bought leather furniture.

[sparklestar]

I'm sure a couple of these have already been mentioned but it's worth mentioning again:

1) Everyone is very welcome (and I'm including all family and friends in this) - but I need the numbers by 15th Dec so we have enough food/cutlery.  You do not get the right to veto the guest list. They are welcome, you can choose not to attend if you don't agree with this policy.
2) No one in the kitchen unless specifically invited.
3) Guests - while I will try hard to accommodate allergy sufferers by vaccuuming diligently and restricting the areas they are in, bear in mind this is our animals home - I can't lock them in crates all day - you need to dope yourself up or decline. 
4) Guests - if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
5) Chairs are mutiple but some are admittedly comfier than others.  The most needy person should get preference, and this doesn't necessarily mean eldest first.  Likewise, the conversation should not be monopolised by one one generation - find something of common interest to talk about, even if it is the weather.
6) Please go home.  Seriously, I agreed to providing ONE meal, not a meal + afternoon tea + supper etc. 

[FoxPaws]

- If you don't actually enjoy hosting, don't do it. Seriously, if entertaining leaves you a stressed out wreck and screaming at your spouse and children moments before the guests arrive, let someone else do it. (My sister and I forever grateful that our mother finally "retired" the annual Christmas brunch.)

- That goes for any other aspect of the holiday as well. And don't be afraid to "remodel" customs or traditions that no longer fit your circumstances. They became traditions because people enjoyed them; when the joy goes, it's time to find something else.

- Be respectful of those who choose not to participate in toy drives, secret Santa, giving trees, etc. You don't know what someone else's financial situation is, or how many other projects they've been asked to support.

[ginlyn32]

I'm sure a couple of these have already been mentioned but it's worth mentioning again:

1) Everyone is very welcome (and I'm including all family and friends in this) - but I need the numbers by 15th Dec so we have enough food/cutlery.  You do not get the right to veto the guest list. They are welcome, you can choose not to attend if you don't agree with this policy.
2) No one in the kitchen unless specifically invited.
3) Guests - while I will try hard to accommodate allergy sufferers by vaccuuming diligently and restricting the areas they are in, bear in mind this is our animals home - I can't lock them in crates all day - you need to dope yourself up or decline. 
4) Guests - if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
5) Chairs are mutiple but some are admittedly comfier than others.  The most needy person should get preference, and this doesn't necessarily mean eldest first.  Likewise, the conversation should not be monopolised by one one generation - find something of common interest to talk about, even if it is the weather.
6) Please go home.  Seriously, I agreed to providing ONE meal, not a meal + afternoon tea + supper etc. 

I applaud anyone with pets who diligently clean/vacuum before guests arrive. My point was not to let your furniture/curtains/carpets become covered with pet hair to the point where your guests cannot even breath! MIL's furniture was literally covered in pet hair. As I said in my previous post, the futon where my allergic son was sleeping was also covered in cat hair and I am doubtful that the cover was even washed or vacuumed. It was just nasty.

ginlyn

[sparklestar]

Ginlyn - that sounds yucky! But I'm curious - given that you were staying there and presumeably didn't expect the animals to be locked away all the time, what would have been reasonable? I'll generally keep the room the guest is sleeping in pet free, and separate pet + guest in other rooms, but I wouldn't lock the pet away all weekend.

[ginlyn32]

Ginlyn - that sounds yucky! But I'm curious - given that you were staying there and presumeably didn't expect the animals to be locked away all the time, what would have been reasonable? I'll generally keep the room the guest is sleeping in pet free, and separate pet + guest in other rooms, but I wouldn't lock the pet away all weekend.

Well, for me it would be if you noticed that your carpet/furniture was just covered (not just normal dirty but COATED in cat/animal hair) then please clean it well before your guests arrive.

If the area that your guests are sleeping is in a public area, then at least cover the couch or futon in a clean sheet that can be removed before bedtime. That will help keep the animal hair down.

ginlyn

[Becca]

-If you're visiting friends or family, don't monopolize one particular member of the household and leave everyone else out.

-If you're visiting a family that has a much-loved dog, don't visit all day and demand that the dog be crated/confined to another room with one person for the entire time.  If you're allergic, that's one thing, but if you just "don't like dogs," that's another.

-If the family normally does a "round robin" gift opening, don't snatch gifts out of other people's hands so you can see what they are, before THEY even have a chance to, and then blame them for being "selfish" for not showing you right away.  This goes double if those people are children.

-If the children of the family show appreciation for gifts other people have given them, this doesn't automatically mean that they're "ungrateful" about your gift to them.  Also, bear in mind that, to a five-year-old, a ten-dollar plastic sled is going to look more appealing than a $25 cheque, despite the discrepancy in monetary value--to a young child, a cheque is just a piece of paper with writing on it.

-If you particularly dislike a certain member of the household, either decline the invitation, or be nice to that person anyway.  After all, much as you dislike this person, he or she invited you over for Christmas anyway, so that counts for something.

-If you're a member of the "host family," don't insist on inviting a toxic person over for Christmas just because "they're faaaaamily!!!"  I know it sounds heartless, but sharing DNA doesn't give you a free pass to treat people badly.

[Miss Bee]

If you're invited for Thanksgiving dinner (or any other holiday dinner) and the table is set already with the good china, it is still NOT acceptable to go ahead and sit down and start eating while the host and hostess are still bringing the food to the table.  Please do not ask for salt and pepper, and why there are no mashed potatoes,  before the turkey is even carved, the blessing/toast is given by the host, and before the hosts have even sat down themselves.  Furthermore, do not load up on second helpings as the host and hostess are just sitting down to their first helping.  And, please never mind the open-jawed, shocked expression on the host couple's faces.  

Yes, this scenario actually happened to us.  No, we never invited them for another formal dinner again.  
They also brought a frozen dinner to microwave for their 7 yr.old son because he did not like ANYTHING we were serving, not even the pumpkin pie.  (My then 7 yr. old daughter ate what was served.  She offered to eat son's piece of pumpkin pie.   )    

We did make the mistake of later inviting them for a potluck at our house on Super Bowl Sunday.  The husband hoarded all of the cheese and ate most of it, and loudly criticized another person's layered bean dip, loudly proclaiming it to be bland.   We don't socialize with them much anymore.  

[gellchom]

Holiday lovers: Don't force your Holiday cheer on people who aren't as enthusiastic.  Don't try to berate or pester them into a better mood.  Trust me, that doesn't work.  Do not call them "Scrooge" or anything else derogatory just because they aren't as excited as you are.  If someone isn't into the Holidays, leave them alone and talk about something. 

As an extension of this: please remember that not everyone shares your religious holiday.  This can be very trying for non-Christians at Christmas time.  Please do not say things like "But Christmas is for everyone!" or "Most normal people celebrate Christmas."  Do not call Christmas or Christmas/New Year "THE holidays."  Do not insist that whatever holiday other people celebrate in December is their most important holiday; if you really want to recognize other people's important holidays, find out what and when they are, don't just nod to some minor holiday (e.g. Chanuka) that happens to be in December in order to try to make Christmastime the universal holiday season.

DO invite your friends of other religions to be guests at your celebrations, if appropriate.  Do NOT pretend that it is their holiday, too, and certainly do not pressure them to engage in any rituals.  Guests, of course: do NOT criticize or analyze your hosts' religious practices or beliefs or say anything that might make them feel they have to defend their beliefs or practices.

You may not realize how careful non-Christian parents are to warn their children not to blab about Santa to your children.  Please return the favor by not making statements like "Santa brings toys to all the good boys and girls."  You aren't intending to be cruel, but please consider the effect upon children who do not receive gifts at Christmas -- including not only non-Christian children, but also poor ones. 

[Mopsy428]

Hosts:

*Please try to keep your animals under control. I really do not appreciate your dog sticking his nose in between my legs while I'm eating dinner or jumping on top of me every time I grab something to eat.

*Don't tell your guests that they can't sit on a piece of furniture because it is the dog or cat's seat.

Guests:

*Please realize what your children are physically capable of eating. It's not fair to the host/other guests if you give your 3 year old four shish kabobs and then throw 3 3/4 of the shish kabobs away.

[Black Delphinium]

*Don't tell your guests that they can't sit on a piece of furniture because it is the dog or cat's seat.

That isn't fair, Mopsy. If a person has a particular piece of furniture they have allocated as "Fluffy's Bean Bag" or "Rex's Chair", that is their decision and the polite thing to do is respect that in their house, that is the way things are.

[Finduilas]

Also, their statement might not necessarily be an admonishment but a warning-- frequently the chairs reserved for dogs or cats can be covered in fur if people never sit in them...

[mechtilde]

*Don't tell your guests that they can't sit on a piece of furniture because it is the dog or cat's seat.

That isn't fair, Mopsy. If a person has a particular piece of furniture they have allocated as "Fluffy's Bean Bag" or "Rex's Chair", that is their decision and the polite thing to do is respect that in their house, that is the way things are.

I'm not sure that it is polite to ask someone not to sit on a particular seat, unless there is a specific reason not to (eg Great Aunt May needs the one with the high seat, 150 year old chair is a bit fragile and is better suited to a small child's weight etc)

Being told "Don't sit in that one it is Billy's chair/the cat's chair/the dog's chair" just doesn't seem very welcoming. If it is covered in fluff then make sure you clean it up before the guests get there.

Of course if you ever come to our house and want to sit on the cat's chair then feel free to do so*, although I can't promise that he won't glare at you if you do.


*Please note that he has claimed the largest and most comfortable one.

[Mopsy428]

*Don't tell your guests that they can't sit on a piece of furniture because it is the dog or cat's seat.

That isn't fair, Mopsy. If a person has a particular piece of furniture they have allocated as "Fluffy's Bean Bag" or "Rex's Chair", that is their decision and the polite thing to do is respect that in their house, that is the way things are.

I'm not talking about bean bags. I'm talking about a love seat or the couch--places where other people have sat on before and are expected to sit.

Example: I was over my aunt and uncle's house. There were about 7 guests there. Aunt and Uncle had the couch (about 3 spaces), and a few seats. There would have been enough seats for people, except Uncle said that the couch was Fido's couch and no one could sit on it in case Fido wanted to sit there. Aunt came in from the kitchen and her husband not to be ridiculous. We were entertaining people, not the dog.