General Etiquette > Life...in general
Another Christmas etiquette question
Twik:
There seems to be a pretty even split in ideas about holidays like this - some people feel it is "more the merrier" and everyone they can lay their hands on must be brought in as proof of good cheer towards humanity. Other people feel it is a special time just for bonding with immediate family, and the presence of non-family dilutes it. I can't say either one is right or wrong. However it's odd that your mom would tell you to invite Pedro, and then say you were rude to do so the next day. It was also rude of your brother to hide out while he was there; of course, if he felt he just couldn't avoid being nasty otherwise, it was the best solution.
freakyfemme:
--- Quote from: Twik on December 20, 2006, 01:38:18 PM ---There seems to be a pretty even split in ideas about holidays like this - some people feel it is "more the merrier" and everyone they can lay their hands on must be brought in as proof of good cheer towards humanity. Other people feel it is a special time just for bonding with immediate family, and the presence of non-family dilutes it. I can't say either one is right or wrong. However it's odd that your mom would tell you to invite Pedro, and then say you were rude to do so the next day. It was also rude of your brother to hide out while he was there; of course, if he felt he just couldn't avoid being nasty otherwise, it was the best solution.
--- End quote ---
No, actually, my mom didn't say I was rude to invite Pedro (or rather, to reluctantly allow him to invite HIMSELF), she said I was rude for *not* wanting him to come over. Truth be told, I thought she'd want to keep it family-only too, because she always hated it when her older friend, and my uncle and his boyfriend, would come over on Christmas, stay the better part of the day, and expect to be entertained. So, this year, Christmas Day will be just the four of us, because she's tired of playing hostess, and we're all THRILLED about that. So, naturally, I assumed that her "Christmas is just for the four of us" attitude extended to decorating the tree as well. So, I thought that she'd think it was rude if I *did* invite Pedro over.....which I didn't intend or want to do at all.
DottyG:
I must be missing Pedro's rudeness in your post, FF.
Because all he did was ask if you were available (which is perfectly fine). You answered. He asked if you'd mind if he joined you for decorating the tree (which is perfectly fine). You said yes. He came over after you gave him the permission to (which is perfectly fine). He asked you about certain ornaments (which is perfectly fine). He asked if you minded listening to a CD he'd done (which is perfectly fine).
I'm unclear on where Pedro's the rude one here.
As far as tree-trimming's being a family only thing, it is in my family as well. It's not "rude" to limit it to family nor is it "rude" to allow others to participate. It's up to each family to decide what works best for them. However, it was also not rude of him to ask if he could join you. If you didn't want him there, you would have said, "no". You didn't do so, so he came. Nothing rude on his part about that at all.
freakyfemme:
--- Quote from: Dottyg on December 20, 2006, 01:52:00 PM ---I must be missing Pedro's rudeness in your post, FF.
Because all he did was ask if you were available (which is perfectly fine). You answered. He asked if you'd mind if he joined you for decorating the tree (which is perfectly fine). You said yes. He came over after you gave him the permission to (which is perfectly fine). He asked you about certain ornaments (which is perfectly fine). He asked if you minded listening to a CD he'd done (which is perfectly fine).
I'm unclear on where Pedro's the rude one here.
As far as tree-trimming's being a family only thing, it is in my family as well. It's not "rude" to limit it to family nor is it "rude" to allow others to participate. It's up to each family to decide what works best for them. However, it was also not rude of him to ask if he could join you. If you didn't want him there, you would have said, "no". You didn't do so, so he came. Nothing rude on his part about that at all.
--- End quote ---
Well, he asked if I was busy......I said yes, I was, and he persisted. Isn't it polite to just accept it when someone says they're doing something else, and possibly make other arrangements, rather than trying to insert themselves into the "something else?" As for the CD thing, well, I guess I should elaborate. It's sort of just a basic tenet of "music etiquette" (at least at my school) that recordings of oneself are not to be given as gifts if unsolicited, especially if they're copies of CD's that are meant as audition CD's, as Pedro's was. There are a few reasons for this, for one thing, it's narcissistic, and for another thing, it assumes that everyone has the same taste in music, which isn't true by any means....and for another, because of the "friend" issue, it sort of forces people to come up with something positive to say on the spot. Even if one is an outstanding performer (which Pedro admittedly is, which has jacked up his ego a bit), not everyone is going to be crazy about "classical" music. So, by that standpoint, you can see how I'd never, EVER give out something like that to my friends, and then invite myself into their houses and insist on stopping the music that was ALREADY PLAYING to play my CD, and show off my "skills."
DottyG:
--- Quote from: freakyfemme on December 20, 2006, 02:04:03 PM ---Well, he asked if I was busy......I said yes, I was, and he persisted. Isn't it polite to just accept it when someone says they're doing something else, and possibly make other arrangements, rather than trying to insert themselves into the "something else?"
--- End quote ---
According to what you told us you said you were trimming the tree. He asked if you'd mind if he joined you, as his mother did theirs while he was gone, and he'd missed out.
This was your opportunity to say, "Pedro, we'd really love to see you, but trimming the tree is something that my family does just with us. We'd love to have you join us afterwards for hot chocolate, so you could enjoy the tree."
But, you didn't do that. You made the choice to say, "Yes, Pedro. Come join us." At which point, he did just that. This did not make him rude. It just means that you were too wimpy (with all due respect) to stand up for yourself and utter a two letter word that would have solved your problem. No. You decided to not do this and then want to blame it on him. Sorry - not his problem!
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