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  • December 14, 2017, 07:47:47 AM

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Author Topic: Asking guests to remove shoes  (Read 118634 times)

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sweedetobee

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Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #45 on: December 21, 2006, 12:06:38 PM »
I never saw the posts about this on the old board but I can't believe it caused so much controversy - just chalk it up to regional and cultural differences. Geez....

Anyway, in my IL's culture, you remove your shoes when you enter their house. They politely hint at that with the shoe rack by the door and the extra slippers/slipper socks that they provide to guests. It took me a long time to get used to it, but now I remember to wear non-holey socks and/or bring slippers with me. :)  And their floors are immaculate with very little cleaning needed ;)

However, when my 90 year old grandpa came to their house you bet they did NOT ask him to remove his shoes. He's old, he needs to wear the shoes for support, and they totally respect that. It was never even an issue.  Same with anyone else (young or old) that needs the shoes for some sort of medical reason.

At my parents' house we don't wear shoes unless we've come in from the outside (you know, no shoes when you've just gotten up and dressed and are just hanging out at home, but once the shoes are put on they can stay on). People come in and some take off their shoes and leave them by the front door and some don't takt them off at all. My parents are cool with either way.

So my 2 cents is that everyone should understand that we all have different customs and do your best to accomodate each other while respecting people's health and/or safety needs. If you know your host prefers that you not wear shoes, well then try and respect that, alert them to your medical needs, or don't visit their house. If you know your guest prefers to wear their shoes or needs to for medical reasons, then resepct that or don't invite them to your house. And ALWAYS be prepared that someone may have a different custom  -  so wear socks that match your outfit and don't have holes (ok that last part was supposed to funny). ;)
« Last Edit: December 21, 2006, 12:08:48 PM by sweedetobee »

DottyG

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  • Posts: 18194
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #46 on: December 21, 2006, 12:12:12 PM »
So my 2 cents is that everyone should understand that we all have different customs and do your best to accomodate each other while respecting people's health and/or safety needs. If you know your host prefers that you not wear shoes, well then try and respect that, alert them to your medical needs, or don't visit their house. If you know your guest prefers to wear their shoes or needs to for medical reasons, then resepct that or don't invite them to your house. And ALWAYS be prepared that someone may have a different custom  -  so wear socks that match your outfit and don't have holes (ok that last part was supposed to funny). ;)

The above paragraph is worth more than the 2 cents you've allotted to it.  Raise that to a hundred dollars, because you've just given probably the best synopsis of how it should be that anyone could give.  Good job! :)


ZipTheWonder

  • Guest
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #47 on: December 21, 2006, 12:24:21 PM »
My carpet guy told me that oils and other 'naturals' from people's feet are harder on the carpeted areas than any residue we bring in on our shoes. (I don't know whether I believe him, but I thought it was interesting.) I wear slippers around the house because I hate shoes, but our downstairs is wood and most people don't feel like they need to/want to remove shoes there, nor would I ask them. 


kareng57

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  • Posts: 12262
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #48 on: December 21, 2006, 12:40:33 PM »
I was reading these posts and I was very confused.  Here everyone takes off their shoes at the door.  I've grown up with it. My mom's family, my friends and my DF's friends and family.  Then when I read this:
Living in Canada these threads always amaze me, we would never ever consider wearing shoes in our houses or others.

I clued in.  I live in Canada as well (southern Ontario).  It makes sense now.  Whenever I go somewhere or know I'm going somewhere later, I make sure to wear clean socks with no holes in them.  It's habit.

But I'm also in Canada (BC) and while growing up in the 1960s it really was not customary to remove shoes, in my experience.  These days, I generally do it in others' homes because I know that many more people expect it.  I certainly don't require it in my own home - I agree with Miss Manners that floors are meant to be walked upon.  Incidentally, when we had home-care nurses coming here for a little while the information-leaflet stated that they were required to keep their footwear on due to Workers' Compensation regulations.  (Also, the two occasions when I've broken toes has been while wearing stocking-feet at other peoples' houses, banging into chair or table legs).

DottyG

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  • Posts: 18194
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #49 on: December 21, 2006, 12:43:15 PM »
This is, indeed, a very dangerous topic - as others have mentioned.

It is true that it's your house and your rules.  However, there are instances where someone may visit you and not be able to remove their shoes.  In this case, I suggest you be reasonable and understanding.

I cannot remove my shoes at someone's home, because I need the support of the shoes.  Due to my leg injury, I cannot go barefooted (or, even worse, wear socks).  I am not even able to go barefooted in my own home; I must have the support of the shoes in order to stand and walk.  I fear the day when someone requires me to remove my shoes or leave.  Because I'll have to leave.



Unfortunately, same here.  I have plantar fasciitis and it's so bad that I can barely stand in the shower without shoes.  The only way I manage to get around is with shoes on, tightly tied. For slippers around the house, I wear a pair of Crocs.
I do understand the need to ask people to take off their shoes, but if I were forewarned, I'd bring my Crocs. 



LOVE my Crocs!  That's, exactly, what I do at home.  I only wear them in the house, so they're completely clean. 

And, I can't stand in the shower.  Too dangerous now.  I have to use a shower bench.

Glad to meet a fellow sufferer!  (We don't have the same medical problem, but at least you understand the need for some kind of shoe support - as well as have some Crocs that you wear!)


MerryRaven

  • Guest
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #50 on: December 21, 2006, 01:23:28 PM »
To DottyG and others with foot problems;

Quote
I cannot remove my shoes at someone's home, because I need the support of the shoes.  Due to my leg injury, I cannot go barefooted (or, even worse, wear socks).  I am not even able to go barefooted in my own home; I must have the support of the shoes in order to stand and walk.  I fear the day when someone requires me to remove my shoes or leave.  Because I'll have to leave.


I would never ever comment on a guest that did not remove their shoes.  That would be impolite.

My mother tells a story of a visitor to her Grandfather's house when she was very young who ate something in an odd way (peas with the knife or gravy over apple pie).  She made some comment and her Grandfather took her aside to correct her and said that different people have different customs and you never comment on a guest's quirks. 

There are limits of course.  I would not let someone bring their goat into my house to sit at the dinner table nor would I allow a guest to abuse a pet, another guest or a resident in my home.  There are things I will not up with put. 

But personal comfort is not something I am going to get in a twist about.

It also depends on how long the guest is staying.  Visiting for a few hours is different from a few days.
 
If someone was staying for more than 24 hours I would let them in on the house rule and ask if they need some kind of accommodation, just as I would let them know that the hot water will run out if 3 people take a shower one after the other, or that the soda is in the back refrigerator.

DottyG

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  • Posts: 18194
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #51 on: December 21, 2006, 01:36:03 PM »
I think it's very rude of you to say that you would not allow my prized goat to partake of a meal at your table.  Don't you think it's highly prejudiced of you to say that he is not worthy of your food? How DARE you be so rude to me and Billy!

;)


MerryRaven

  • Guest
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #52 on: December 21, 2006, 01:38:47 PM »
LOL

I told a visitor that I would not allow them to bring their pet birds for 'several' days because:
I have 7 cats and birds indoors kind of creep me out. 

They were offended. 

Actually I would have perfered a goat.

katarain

  • Guest
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #53 on: December 21, 2006, 01:40:12 PM »
I remember being horribly embarrassed by my sister-in-law's sister-in-law.  My SIL was babysitting her nieces, and I was at the house for some reason.  I was standing at the top of the stairs--I think I was helping my SIL with something.  Anyway, the mother comes home and somewhat abruptly tells me to come downstairs and take my shoes off. I was somewhere in my teens, (again, I don't remember exactly how old I was), and I remember being horribly embarrassed and was made to feel like I was trespassing.  It's not like anybody had told me to take my shoes off, and it's not like I wanted to be there in the first place.  This lady was pretty rude in general, anyway.

lazytimegirl

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  • Posts: 21
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #54 on: December 21, 2006, 01:57:50 PM »
Unless I am specifically asked to remove my shoes I do not, even if everyone else is removing their shoes.  I feel very uncomfortable walking around in my sock feet.  On occasion in the winter if I know my outside boots are going to be covered with snow and will get the homeowner's floors wet (when the snow melts) I have brought a separate pair of shoes or boots with me to wear indoors.  I don't require people to remove their shoes at my house and specifically tell them that they don't have to remove their shoes.  I'm not sure why everyone is worried about a little dirt.  Thatís why they made vacuum cleaners, brooms, mops and soap.

CoryanderX

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  • Posts: 99
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #55 on: December 21, 2006, 02:09:20 PM »
I seem to be in a tiny minority, but I've always thought it seemed rather rude to take off your shoes in someone else's home without asking first. It seems presumptuous to me, like you're just making yourself at home while forgetting the manners of a guest. I don't like it when people take their shoes off in restaurants or in public, either. I don't know if I picked this attitude up from my region or what.

That being said, I don't judge people for taking their shoes off. Okay, maybe I did a tiny bit of judging in the past, but after reading this thread and seeing so many people say that they find it unthinkably rude NOT to take your shoes off (which I had no idea was so common a notion), I can understand better. And in the future, I'll try to pay more attention when entering someone's home to determine if I should be taking my shoes off at the doorway or not.

opqdan

  • Guest
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #56 on: December 21, 2006, 02:14:08 PM »
This whole issue seems odd to me as I have never had a problem with it.  To be completely truthfull, I almost never notice whether people take their shoes off when they enter my apartment.  I think that most of the time, they do.  I prefer that they do, because otherwise we get all sorts of grit on the wood floors.  Also, with all the snow that we get here, people track in salt and snow, both of which ruin the wood floors (wood floors by the door were not my choice, it is an apartment).

If I see shoes by the door, I will remove them.  If not, I will probably ask, but most of the time it is obvious (if the host/hostest is not wearing outdoor shoes, I will remove mine).  I feel weird when I am allowed to wear my shoes indoors when there is carpet.

The way I look at it is that I am a guest in their home.  This means that they are gracing me with the invitation to stay there, I am not gracing them with my presence, so I will abide by their rules.  If I had a medical disorder, or a foot odor problem, I am not sure how I would react, maybe bring it up quietly with the host.  Better yet, I would be prepared for just such a situation and bring a pair of indoor shoes to switch to (quickly).  My fiancees brother wears his shoes because his feet smell horrible, but then, we do pick on him about it (good naturedly), so it is common knowledge.

And in response to the message that mentioned shoes being part of the clothing, I have to disagree with that.  Shoes are no more clothing than a  jacket or a hat is, and most people would remove their jacket when entering another house.  Not doing so would possibly be considered rude. 

MerryRaven

  • Guest
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #57 on: December 21, 2006, 02:16:13 PM »
Quote
remember being horribly embarrassed by my sister-in-law's sister-in-law.  My SIL was babysitting her nieces, and I was at the house for some reason.  I was standing at the top of the stairs--I think I was helping my SIL with something.  Anyway, the mother comes home and somewhat abruptly tells me to come downstairs and take my shoes off. I was somewhere in my teens, (again, I don't remember exactly how old I was), and I remember being horribly embarrassed and was made to feel like I was trespassing.  It's not like anybody had told me to take my shoes off, and it's not like I wanted to be there in the first place.  This lady was pretty rude in general, anyway.
Well people treat teens as if they are not... well people sometimes.  Or rather near adults.

I tried to remember to treat teens in my home as if they were adults unless their behavior indicated otherwise.  Even then, gentle counsel is more effective than orders in most cases.


MerryRaven

  • Guest
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #58 on: December 21, 2006, 02:20:30 PM »
Lazytimegirl

Quote
Thatís why they made vacuum cleaners, brooms, mops and soap.
 
 

I use all those things and have a cleaning lady too.  I changed my mind about wearing shoes in the house when we took up our old carpet.  The amount of dirt and dust in the traffic areas from the door grossed me out.  That is why I started understanding why other people wanted shoes removed and why I started encouraging shoes to be removed. 

There is dirt no amount of cleaning will help. 

sweedetobee

  • Guest
Re: Asking guests to remove shoes
« Reply #59 on: December 21, 2006, 02:38:18 PM »
For all: Check out this blog:
http://shoesoffatthedoorplease.blogspot.com/

It is written by someone who believes that you should always take your shoes off. Whether you agree or not, it is funny that someone has devoted this much time and energy on the subject.

It is always interesting to see what people are passionate about!  ;D