Horrible attitude from the letter writer

[the Wyffe]

This one has always bugged me:

Being from a fine southern family, we know all about how to give the best and most tastefully done weddings. It is something taught from the cradle to gentle young ladies.

Unfortunately my daughter lost her mind and married a Yankee...

....Of course my daughter is now very sorry she ever saw this man and his family. We are careful to not say I told you so. She always has a home to come back to and she can sleep in her 258 year old four poster bed she slept in as a child. Maybe she'll dream of a nice southern gentleman.

I'm not from America so this might be cultural...is she trying to be funny with the North South thing?  She just came over to me as a snob and a bigot, and regardless of the etiquette hell that followed, I didn't have any sympathy - in fact, I wondered if she didn't deserve it if the groom's mother picked up on any of that attitude.  She reminded me of the 'minister's wife in the small eastern town'!

[Frostblooded]

Unfortunately there are a lot of Southerners (and Northerners) who have this attitude about one another. Fortunately, I'm not one of them. Of course, reading it, I'm inclined to think it's a troll. I'm a good ol' Southern Belle and happily married to a Westerner. 

[ShadesOfGrey]

nope. There's a real divide between southerners and northerners in the US.  It's becoming less and less, but still alive and kicking in some places.  It's a hold over from teh civil war

[Sabbyfrog2]

My fathers southern family had this attitude.(and they are not the "classy" type so I have no idea where they got this "better than thou Yankee" attitude from) My dad was divorced from his first wife, a southerner, long before he even met my mom, a Yankee, but their divorce was all my moms fault because she was a "Yankee". My mother was never really accepted into the family and they blame her for my parents divorce despite my fathers affair and other issues. It was because "my father mixed" and that the marriage was doomed from the beginning. According to my grandmother, you are not supposed to marry anyone who was born above the Mason-Dixon line.  Since I was born in Michigan, and my sister in Georgia, I was the outcast grandchild.  

[rashea]

I think this is dying down, but it still exists. There are extensive cultural differences between the areas, and that's part of it, but I think the bigger issue is that it's taken a long time for the rifts of the civil war to heal.

[Dindrane]

It's a real attitude, but it's a very rude one, and it's rather short-sighted as well.

However, there is a decided cultural divide between "Yankees" (most commonly, people from the northeastern United States) and "Southerners" (people from the southeastern United States).  People from the western half of the country are usually members of neither camp.

The cultural divide shows up in language, notions of what makes good hospitality, interpersonal interactions, and a variety of other things.  The mistake that the person quoted in the OP made was not in recognizing that there are differences, but in assuming that one region was better than the other.  And to be completely honest, southerners are not guilty of this particular attitude any more often than northerners are.  Northerners call southerners uneducated hicks and rednecks, and southerners call northerners unrefined boors who wouldn't know good manners if they smacked them in the face.

[Hushabye]

I hate this attitude because it makes the rest of us Southerners look bad.  And it's asinine to boot.  If you want to marry another Southerner, marry another Southerner.  If you don't, marry whomever you darned well please.  And your families need to stay out of it lest they reveal themselves as ignorant louts.  

I haven't experienced it personally myself, at least not in this direction.  I usually get the "Southerners are stupid/backwards/whatever and a Yankee like me would never be caught dead dating/marrying one."  It's irritating as all get-out either way and makes the attitude-holder look like a boob.

[Asharah]

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=2752.0
Already posted and discussed here.

[the Wyffe]

Thanks, Asharah - I'm impressed you remember it nearly 2 years on as well!

[MadMadge43]

I think two years is long enough, there are plenty of new members now that may have new opinions.

[itsmeforever]

This line has always bothered me...."and she can sleep in her 258 year old four poster bed she slept in as a child." What does that have to do with anything??? As to the rest of the letter...eh, we have them up here as well. (Yankee snobs, that is). They're everywhere.

[iridaceae]

This line has always bothered me...."and she can sleep in her 258 year old four poster bed she slept in as a child." What does that have to do with anything??? As to the rest of the letter...eh, we have them up here as well. (Yankee snobs, that is). They're everywhere.

That's just a further slap at the Yankee who clearly Does Not Have Family Antiques Like That.  "We have a history. He does not."

[Twik]

I remember a young man from Boston telling me about a drive he and his college buddies had made from Boston to the Florida Keys. One episode was being refused gas at a gas station in Georgia because they had Massachusetts plates. Ironically, he was the son of an Italian immigrant, so during the Civil War all his ancestors would have been back in Sicily.

[hobish]

Unfortunately there are a lot of Southerners (and Northerners) who have this attitude about one another. Fortunately, I'm not one of them. Of course, reading it, I'm inclined to think it's a troll. I'm a good ol' Southern Belle and happily married to a Westerner. 

Koneko, wasn't it you who said that where you are calling someone a Yankee was like using the N word? My apologies if it wasn't. I found that so shocking. In the Northeastern US i don't know anyone who takes the North/South thing seriously. It's definitely something that is brought up when someone is trying to be funny. Being called a Yankee would probably make me laugh.

I can't speak for the letter writer. She seems extreme. I know no one who thinks that way.

[Nuala]

Northerners call southerners uneducated hicks and rednecks, and southerners call northerners unrefined boors who wouldn't know good manners if they smacked them in the face.

Hmm.

While this kind of prejudice is alive and well (and can even be found on eHell), I hope you didn't mean for our new poster to think this applies to all Northerners or all Southerners.  Without qualifiers ("some," "an unfortunate few," "too many") it reads that way to me.