Facebook Gah!

[Audrey Quest]

Well, I don't use Facebook myself, but I think some people tend to use it for everything.

I've got to admit, I think that a good number of people reading the initial post would be very worried. I don't think the *friend's response* would be what would cause the embarrassment.

The status was up there for two days before she posted...    not one single other person made a single comment on it. 
 
People put lyrics up all the time as their status on Facebook.  It's part of the culture of Facebook and almost no one cites the source--you either know the source because you know the person or you Google it to see what its source is.

It's kind of like playing a game.

It can be informational, and communicative.  But, as I said, I never put up cryptic messages about my state of mind and I quite often put lyrics.
 
I think I am thisclose to defriending her not only on FB but in real life.  Too much drama!

 

A friend of my DH got arrested for lyrics to a song.  He and my DH wrote a song about 6 years ago about that jerk in the midwest who put pipe bombs in people's mailboxes--the effect he was going for was that when you mapped out all the bombings it formed a "happy face."  So, they wrote a song called "The Ballad of the Happy Face Pipe Bomber" and wrote the words really large on a blotter so he could see them while he sang and played drums.
 
Fast forward to last year--he and his wife are going through a nasty divorce.  She comes across this blotter paper with these lyrics on it and calls the police telling him that he left it as a threatening letter to her.  It even had the words "Repeat chorus" on it!
 
But, that didn't matter--the police actually arrested him for communicating a threat.  He had to produce in the CD in court that had been put out years before to show that it was indeed lyrics to a song.
 

I think you overstate your case.  I can't think f any postings of lyrics I've seen and a whole lot of people on here say that they do attribute any lyrics.  Your statement about facebook is a bit broad. 

I have to say that it is easy to theorize about how we would handle a possible suicide threat but I think if we were to really come across something like that most of us would be thrown and might not be thinking real clearly. 

I have to say that it doesn't sound like the drama is all on her side.  SHe made an honest mistake and responded with concern.  For that you think she should be dumped as a friend. 

Well, in my experience of Facebook, its almost all lyrics.  Maybe its because most of the people I know are musicians.  The majority of the people who post lyrics are the younger people who are friends on my FB through my oldest son.  It's mostly all lyrics, or movie lines, or some other "pop reference."
 
The other thing is:  these lyrics have nothing to do with suicide.  It's not about crashing a car, its about thrill seeking and what kinds of risks you will take--not killing yourself.  Why does everyone assume that the car crashes into something?  Has no one ever taken their car out onto a flat straight desert road and done stupid things with it?
 
If someone wants to express suicidal thoughts in lyrics there is certainly no shortage of words that do exactly that.
 
And yes, I am ready to de-friend her, but not just for this.
 
As I said, there is more IRL that is bleeding over into this rather minor FB annoyance.

My main point in this whole thread is that if you think someone might have some personal problem that you want to help with whether or not that "plea" is public (if it is in fact a "plea" at all), that offering help via private means might be a much better option than doing so publicly.

[Master_Edward]

Shores: "Overlydramatic"? I look at it as people trying to have fun and be interesting but whatever. I also look at it as people (including me) have their own Facebook wall and can post whatever they want on it. Sometimes people either get it or they don't. I just figure if I don't get it or I don't like it what someone posts on their wall I can ignore it and other people can do the same thing. I think if you're going to defriend people over minor stuff like "cryptic" song lyrics on their wall then you're not really interested in them as a friend to begin with. There's much bigger things to be concerned about than mysterious song lyrics on other people's walls. I just don't see doing that and I think it seems kind of petty.

Ed.

[Master_Edward]

I totally agree with you Audrey Quest that your friend should've asked you about it privately. I guess I'm the only one. I'd have been annoyed too if someone did that to me.

Ed.

[Audrey Quest]

Well, I can certainly see a POV where someone on FB posting obtuse cryptic things all the time would get a bit wearing.  But, I don't do that.  That's the thing.
 
I don't think I have de-friended someone for that, but I might if it were just a constant stream of things like

"Oh, another day that didn't go my way"
"I think I'll go jump off a bridge somewhere, I am such a waste of skin"
"More sad times"

...or stuff like that.  If you are depressed, you should be talking to a therapist, not updating Facebook.
 
But, I never, ever put stuff like that on my Facebook--mainly because I hate it.
 
The lyrics thing I like because its like a game--its light and fun even if sometimes the actual words are a bit bizarre.  "The Mighty Boosh" is especially bizarre.
 
And I can understand that it might drive someone nuts that a group of people use lyrics and pop culture to communicate instead of coming up with something original, but then that's why there are different circles of friends.

[Master_Edward]

Exactly.

Ed.

[Nurvingiel]

And I can understand that it might drive someone nuts that a group of people use lyrics and pop culture to communicate instead of coming up with something original, but then that's why there are different circles of friends.

I don't mind this at all, and I do like knowing what people are listening to, but I do think is tonnes better to credit the artist who wrote the lyrics.

Kind of an aside to the thread's issue, but still relevant.

[noexitwounds]

You say that you usually put political notes, things about going to the store, straightforward updates, essentially. Not song lyrics.

Then you chose, in this case, to use a song lyric which could easily be a reference to suicide -- driving 100mph in the dark without steering would get you killed -- when, by your own admission, you don't usually use lyrics. Without attributing them as lyrics.

Then you get upset she posts "Yikes! Call me!"

Which is not something that poses the question 'what's up with her,' as you suggest, considering you originally thought she wanted you to call you because something was wrong with *her*. Or at least that's how I interpreted your 'Why, what's going on?'

Only after you replied in public did she explain her reasoning, which would imply you were willing to talk about her comment in public. Could she have made the second comment in IM? Yes. But you'd already replied in public, on your page, instead of taking the conversation to a private phone call like she suggested. You're blaming her for not divining your preference to move the conversation to a private place when you chose not to move the conversation to a private place after she suggested it.

How is that her being dramatic?

...or stuff like that.  If you are depressed, you should be talking to a therapist, not updating Facebook.

Or maybe you should be reaching out to someone in any way that makes you feel comfortable, which is often half the battle for depressed persons. Therapy is all well and good, and sometimes incredibly helpful, but knowing someone not paid to care knows that you're having trouble right now and cares is worth that person's weight in gold.

[Twik]

I'm afraid I'm an old fuddy-duddy, but I don't quite see the point either of subjecting your friends to a steady stream of unattributed lyrics, none of which (you say) have any real relevance for your life. You may find that a number of people will actually assume that, even if these are not your words, that they have some reference to how you are currently feeling, or that they are at least a "talking point" - yes, even a "cry for help". Particularly if they may not be familiar with the works in question, or know that they are quotes.

(Even as quotes, I would assume they were relevant to the poster's feelings. If a friend of mine started quoting "Richard Corey" and "Not Waving but Drowning", I'd be worried.)

Sadly, if someone did do something drastic after putting up exactly the same sort of messages, their friends would be castigated for not heeding the signs.

[DottyG]

Has no one ever taken their car out onto a flat straight desert road and done stupid things with it?

Well, OT but since you asked....no. I wouldn't do that. To me, that sounds stupid and irresponsible - to my life and my car (which I paid good money for). I'm surprised anyone would do such a thing, but maybe they have money to throw away and not as much concern for the danger?

[Audrey Quest]

You say that you usually put political notes, things about going to the store, straightforward updates, essentially. Not song lyrics.

Then you chose, in this case, to use a song lyric which could easily be a reference to suicide -- driving 100mph in the dark without steering would get you killed -- when, by your own admission, you don't usually use lyrics. Without attributing them as lyrics.

Actually, I put up song lyrics all the time--where do you get that I don't put up lyrics?  I do, all the time.
 
What I don't do is make veiled references to some dark state of mind or really any state of mind.

[Audrey Quest]

Has no one ever taken their car out onto a flat straight desert road and done stupid things with it?

Well, OT but since you asked....no. I wouldn't do that. To me, that sounds stupid and irresponsible - to my life and my car (which I paid good money for). I'm surprised anyone would do such a thing, but maybe they have money to throw away and not as much concern for the danger?

Well, the point is that it is dangerous but not necessarily 100%.  My uncle actually did something similar once on a road in Wyoming.  He had a T-top and he put the car on cruise control and stood up in the driver's seat.

The meaning of the lyrics to me has to do with the fact that I am starting a business.  I am taking a huge risk, a calculated risk but one that could leave me in financial hurt.  The essence of the lyric has to do with pushing the boundaries of fear and seeing how far you can go.  And seeing how fearless you can be tells you something important about yourself.
 
The lyrics that people post do relevance to their lives but not in a "clinical" way.

[noexitwounds]

Actually, I put up song lyrics all the time--where do you get that I don't put up lyrics?  I do, all the time.
 
What I don't do is make veiled references to some dark state of mind or really any state of mind.

You say that you usually post things that are not lyrics in your status updates. That suggests that you posting lyrics is unusual or, at least, not what you usually do or else you would have included that in your examples of what you post as well. This is the exact quote: 

In fact, usually, I post articles, political stuff and things like "going to the grocery store" or "the bathroom is clean yet again".

Re: your comment to Dotty. I understand how you saw the lyric. However, that's not the only way to see the lyric: at least a few of us saw it as reasonable to think that it referenced suicide. I actually went and looked up the song. I'd be pretty shocked given the full lyrics, if the song was, in fact, not a reference to suicide. It has further lyrics such as

My head goes under when she pulls me down
I hold my breath and drown in ecstasy

and

Surrounded by a million and no one around
The dirt below loves me just the same

I'd suggest that in the future if you post with lyrics that could be interpreted this way, or a negative way, you add a little note about the real point just to remove any confusion or accept that someone might very well see the lyrics the negative way and comment on it.

[LEMon]

OP,  reading what was happening when she posted it reveals the real issue that you are trying to address.  You were on-line talking to her, and she still had to post it on your wall.  Didn't address it to you that moment in private, but instead wrote something out in public.  If she had cared about you/been worried about what you might do, she should have talked to you then and there, not post a FB note.  You had to answer her on FB because that was where she pasted the note.

No true care, only drama, or as you see it reading everything through her distorted glasses.

[noexitwounds]

Didn't address it to you that moment in private, but instead wrote something out in public.  If she had cared about you/been worried about what you might do, she should have talked to you then and there, not post a FB note.  You had to answer her on FB because that was where she pasted the note.

I really don't think that's accurate. One, the OP replied to the original missive ("Yikes, call me!") on her FB status thread. The friend was merely replying to that response, the third in the chain when she revealed the issue (rather than a general concern statement like 'call me!') was about it seeming suicidal.

Two, the OP chose not to call as the friend had suggested, which would have taken the conversation to a private space.

Three, at any point the OP could have chosen to delete the friend's original or second comment. She still could. It's her FB status; she has complete control over it. She could have sent a PM instead of replying in the thread. She could have waited to reply until they were on at the same time and then done it in IM. She could have emailed instead of replying on FB. And since she apparently has the friend's phone number, she could have called her. Or just ignored it entirely.

The OP choices were plentiful. "Had" had nothing to do with any of them.

[LEMon]

What I am annoyed about is that she would post publicly that she is doubting my sanity.  She could have easily sent me a PM.  In fact, I was online when she posted her first comment and I contacted her on chat.  She said--wait a minute, I am replying (while she was writing this: well, if you're wanting to go 100mph in the dark and take your hands off the wheel to find out who you are, it sounds as if you already know that you are ready to fly into the arms of deathSo essentially, I was right there in real time with her asking what's up and instead of replying to me, she posts it publicly on the page.  My comments back to her had to be on the page as well because after she finished posting that I sounded as if I knew I was ready to "fly into the arms of death" she posted in chat to me the many multitudes of tasks that she was in the midst of and "had to go" so I just wrote "bye" on the chat and posted my comments to the page.

This is what I understood.  OP posted the lyrics, was on-line with her friend while friend posted the "ready to fly into the arms of death" comment.