Author Topic: Is this rude?  (Read 1724 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

elora94

  • Guest
Is this rude?
« on: May 20, 2007, 10:16:47 PM »
I just hosted a barbecue for about 20 people.  At least, that was the idea - there were 5 people who told me they were coming and then did not show up, with no explanation or apology.  Would it be rude of me to contact them and ask them politely what happened?

Shoo

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16393
Re: Is this rude?
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2007, 10:36:16 PM »
Are you close to these people?  If so, I say sure, especially if they told you they definitely would be there.  Depending on their excuses, you may or may not feel like including on future guest lists.

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 29353
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: Is this rude?
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2007, 11:49:08 PM »
I think that if they told you they were coming and didn't, it is reasonable to find out why they didn't.  Possibly they had genuine emergencies that prevented them from coming and/or calling to say that they couldn't come.

But if they didn't, I think you need to know so you don't extend invitations to them in the future.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 27848
Re: Is this rude?
« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2007, 01:21:00 AM »
It is rude to call them up and chastise them for not attending, either openly or by implication.

It would not be rude to call up and say, "Hey, we missed you, is everything OK?"
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Chocolate Cake

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5138
Re: Is this rude?
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2007, 10:22:52 AM »
Just be prepared to hear some really lame excuses, to which you should reply (in a neutral tone), "I see.  Well....I wish you would have called as I worried all evening about you."   

BittyB

  • Guest
Re: Is this rude?
« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2007, 10:55:05 AM »
It is rude to call them up and chastise them for not attending, either openly or by implication.

It would not be rude to call up and say, "Hey, we missed you, is everything OK?"

ITA - this is what I was thinking.  You can't just ask them why they were rude and no-showed, but you can ask if everything is okay, saying you were worried something was wrong when they didn't make it.  If they just say 'Oh, something came up' or something else vague, that's your cue to not press the issue though.  And of course you can decide in the future if you want to extend them invitations or not.

BurninDinner

  • Guest
Re: Is this rude?
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2007, 09:08:03 AM »
When my friends say they're coming and don't, I get annoyed.  Then suddenly my brain switches to a worst case scenario and I suddenly have them overturned in ditches struggling to stay alive.  So, yeah, I'll usually at least email and ask if they're OK.  If they are and just didn't feel like coming at the last minute, then I get annoyed.