Teacher gifts and Facebook

[MamaMootz]

You know, I'm starting to think someone should write a book based solely on Facebook faux pas.

My daughter's teacher did a lovely thing today for all her students. My daughter attends year round school and so is going "off track" as of today and will restart school in January. Since they will not be in school for the holidays, the teacher presented each child with an individually labeled, wrapped gift. When we got home and daughter opened her gift, it was a Scholastic book of "Silly Kid Jokes", which she loves. I talked to another mom in the class and her daughter got a Scholastic book about her favorite character, Junie B. Jones.

I posted on my FB wall that I thought it was a lovely gesture by the teacher and how thoughtful it was of her to do this and make sure each child had something they loved. Because, gosh darn it, it WAS a lovely gesture and took lots of thought.

Negative Nancy, who has been posting some rather untoward things lately, felt it necessary to chime in and tell me it wasn't all that generous of the teacher - and used the phrase "Not to burst your bubble, but..." and went on to say that teachers all get tons of Scholastic books for free and all teacher was trying to do was to get rid of clutter by giving books out to the kids.

I'm seriously thinking of de-friending Negative Nancy, since she has posted some other things lately that are slightly offensive to me, and it seems as though if anyone posts something positive on their walls, NN has something ... well, negative to say about it. She just got done posting an update that was all ticked off because someone already de-friended her and didn't send her a "goodbye cruel NN" note before they de-friended her.

First of all, do I leave her nasty comment about DD's teacher up there, or can I delete it?
And secondly, is there an etiquette for de-friending someone that I don't know about? Do you have to write that person a note and tell them why they are being defriended? Doesn't that sound like something that would start World War III?

And yes, DD is writing her teacher a thank you note for the lovely book this evening. I don't care if it was free, she took the time to pick out something for DD that she knew DD would love.

[Shoo]

Ugh, what a pill.  I am of the firm belief that life is just too short to put up with "friends" like Negative Nancy.  You certainly can (and I think should) defriend her.

Regardless of where the books came from or why the teacher has them, it *was* generous to share them with her students.  

ETA:  I think you should delete the nasty comment.  No reason to perpetuate the negativity.

[jimithing]

Is this someone you know well? I would delete the comment, and her. Ridiculous.

[Hushabye]

Ditch her without a backward glance (just click the "defriend" button) and delete the comment.  The teacher will probably see it regardless, but I bet she'll appreciate your steps to remove it.  

I don't think there's any etiquette for defriending someone yet.  However, I do think that it should generally be done without comment -- saying something like "We just don't seem to be getting along" or "This isn't working for me" just opens you up to more drama most of the time.  And the whole point of defriending someone is to avoid the drama, usually.

[Surianne]

Delete the comment and defriend her, no explanation necessary.

[whiterose]

What a negative person!!!

What a better way to use the books than to pass them on to the kids. I pass things on to people all the time- and they thank me profusely.

But some people will never be pleased. Some people will never like you, no matter how kind and generous you are, no matter how many good things you do.

SHE is the one who is wrong. She has taken her snark and sarcasm to a really heinous level.

Do not hesitate to defriend her. Do it quietly and without making a fuss.

[kglory]

Who cares if the teacher paid anything for the books?  She could have kept them for use in the classroom.  She could have given them to her own family members.  Heck, she could have sold them on Ebay!  Instead, she personally gave each student a book that student would enjoy, and took the time (and expense) to wrap and decorate them as well.

Also, who's to say just because NN says the books are free that that is the truth?

I would absolutely delete her comment and drop her from my friend list.

[Balletmom]

Delete the comments.

The books weren't "free," teachers can use the accumulated points to receive they like. So the teacher had a choice to get something for the students or save the points towards a microwave (seriously) or some other classroom item.

She might also have paid for the books herself; I have many times in the past just paid for the books.

Negative Nancy is Not Nice.

Defriend her and delete her comment. I'd be very hurt to hear that was posted on a student's parent's page, even if the parent didn't say it themselves--and things like this can get back to people. Nancy also needs a lesson in assumptions.

 

[MamaMootz]

OP here - and that's the other thing - NN does not know DD's teacher at all. She's in a different state.

It would so totally be like DD's teacher to pay for the books out of pocket to be sure each child had something to read that they loved. She is one of the best teachers DD ever had, she cares about her kids, and the kids adore her in return. We were very lucky to get her this year.

And I know how tough it is for the teachers - I've been volunteering at the school and I'm on the PTO and I'm still amazed at the things they don't have funding for.. things like printer ink or classroom supplies or copy machines - so it's even more generous of her to take her points and spend them back on her students.

I'm tempted to respond to her with all of these points but I think I may be wasting time and opening up a can of worms with NN that I don't want to go into - really don't want a page long debate with her over a teacher she doesn't even know.

[saddened]

I'd delete and de-friend as well.

However, if you want to keep the comment, I'd reply to it with this:

I don't care if it was free, she took the time to pick out something for DD that she knew DD would love.

and then de-friend.

[Dogface]

I'd delete and defriend. There's no need to acknowledge her rudeness, especially if you're not that close with her.

Just out of curiosity, how close are you to Negative Nancy, OP? Frankly, it doesn't seem like that you particularly like her that much (If that's the case, I can't say that I blame you. I'm already disliking her just from this one post...) or that she's worth the effort of having has a Facebook "friend".

But your DD's teacher sounds like an amazing person. Go Team Teacher.

[whiterose]

Is this the first time Negative Nancy makes a comment like that? Or at least the first time she makes it to you or towards you?

Once I got flamed by someone who does not like me for purchasing something via Heifer. She questioned my motivation and said it made me look even more selfish (I had purchased it on Valentine's Day). Yup- a flame. Not a criticism or concern about the organization's purpose. A FLAME.

Negative people are no good. No wonder my counselor told me to not associate with them and lock up my LJ- which I did. Sadly they are still negative and dislike me (and a lot of people- it's like everything they say is negative and snarky and sarcastic).

[Bijou]

I guess what Negative Nancy doesn't realize is that YOU control your facebook wall.  I wouldn't give her a backward glance, let alone say anything to her.  She would not have another opportunity to write anything on my wall again. 

[MamaMootz]

OP again - I'm not really close to NN - I knew her through a mom's group I belonged to in an old state.

She has posted things before like a link to overweight people on a video playing scrabble and she and her other friends made comment after comment about how disgusting fat people are and they made fun... I found it offensive because I am overweight and really didn't see the point in 1) posting something like that or 2) making fun of it - she knows I'm not exactly a waif. She's also posted some other really questionable things on her wall.

I know it's her wall, she can post what she wants - but the friendship isn't really worth pursuing. I think I will defriend and block - she probably won't even notice. I should have defriended after the scrabble video, actually.

[Twik]

I know it's her wall, she can post what she wants.

She can post what she wants, but she has to live with the fallout. Freedom of speech doesn't mean you can insult other people without consequences.

She sounds like someone I wouldn't want to be around. There's enough darkness in life without spending time with someone who goes around stomping on every little spark of light she sees.