"No cussing!" - Facebook style

[Wavicle]

The cousin is an adult. I could understand the parents choosing not to read his Facebook if that is how he uses it, but I do not think the parents should be trying to educate him on things like that now that he is an adult. They may be upset that their kid didn't turn out like them, but I don't think that means they can continue trying to change him.

[Sharnita]

What Toots said.

[PeasNCues]

He should have sent a message to his son's Facebook in-box and said, "I'm concerned--that was sort of shocking, esp. for you, knowing what we tried to teach you. What's going on? Oh, and knock it off, if you would, please."

Honestly, I agree with Wavicle. He is an adult. Whether they like it or not, he will do things that they don't like.

I think what the issue for me is where he is and what he is doing. He is in a time of life where he needs support, not to be berated about his word usage. I feel they were insensitive to the issue, as well as publicly denouncing their son and his carrier (because obviously he wouldn't ever cuss if he was not in the army) on a social networking site.

[Sharnita]

He should have sent a message to his son's Facebook in-box and said, "I'm concerned--that was sort of shocking, esp. for you, knowing what we tried to teach you. What's going on? Oh, and knock it off, if you would, please."

Honestly, I agree with Wavicle. He is an adult. Whether they like it or not, he will do things that they don't like.

I think what the issue for me is where he is and what he is doing. He is in a time of life where he needs support, not to be berated about his word usage. I feel they were insensitive to the issue, as well as publicly denouncing their son and his carrier (because obviously he wouldn't ever cuss if he was not in the army) on a social networking site.

I wouldn't call his father's comment "berating"

[afbluebelle]

He should have sent a message to his son's Facebook in-box and said, "I'm concerned--that was sort of shocking, esp. for you, knowing what we tried to teach you. What's going on? Oh, and knock it off, if you would, please."

Honestly, I agree with Wavicle. He is an adult. Whether they like it or not, he will do things that they don't like.

I think what the issue for me is where he is and what he is doing. He is in a time of life where he needs support, not to be berated about his word usage. I feel they were insensitive to the issue, as well as publicly denouncing their son and his carrier (because obviously he wouldn't ever cuss if he was not in the army) on a social networking site.

I wouldn't call his father's comment "berating"

No just extremely annoying... I have had the "parent lecture" about my myspace page. Which is why I never use it, and set it to private again

[Wavicle]

I missed the apart about the Army being a bad influence. That is just mean, obviously he is having a rough time with it and criticizing the decision isn't nice.

I wouldn't necessarily say it was berating, but it was very judgemental. Even if it was/is rude to swear on your Facebook page, it is also rude to criticize people's behavior by being "etiquette police". If they really felt the need to comment on it, it should be about how it affects them and not about the behavior being wrong.

[PeasNCues]

He should have sent a message to his son's Facebook in-box and said, "I'm concerned--that was sort of shocking, esp. for you, knowing what we tried to teach you. What's going on? Oh, and knock it off, if you would, please."

Honestly, I agree with Wavicle. He is an adult. Whether they like it or not, he will do things that they don't like.

I think what the issue for me is where he is and what he is doing. He is in a time of life where he needs support, not to be berated about his word usage. I feel they were insensitive to the issue, as well as publicly denouncing their son and his carrier (because obviously he wouldn't ever cuss if he was not in the army) on a social networking site.

I wouldn't call his father's comment "berating"

Yeah, I might be oversensitive His father has always been really hard on him, so I know how sensitive cousin is to his comments so it makes me really angry that he would post something like that on his wall.

If I were a parent, I would be wondering what had happened to make him that angry and upset, not gasping at the audacity of cussing.

[Hushabye]

I missed the apart about the Army being a bad influence. That is just mean, obviously he is having a rough time with it and criticizing the decision isn't nice.

I wouldn't necessarily say it was berating, but it was very judgemental. Even if it was/is rude to swear on your Facebook page, it is also rude to criticize people's behavior by being "etiquette police". If they really felt the need to comment on it, it should be about how it affects them and not about the behavior being wrong.

I agree.  If I had friended one of my parents and they made critical comments about my language and my job (in one breath, as it were) on my page, I'd probably be unfriending them pretty quickly.

PeasNCues, I think you're right in thinking that this isn't a matter for his Wall but for a PM.  I bet he would appreciate anything you had to say in support of him.

[C0mputerGeek]

I missed the apart about the Army being a bad influence. That is just mean, obviously he is having a rough time with it and criticizing the decision isn't nice.

I wouldn't necessarily say it was berating, but it was very judgemental. Even if it was/is rude to swear on your Facebook page, it is also rude to criticize people's behavior by being "etiquette police". If they really felt the need to comment on it, it should be about how it affects them and not about the behavior being wrong.

I agree.  If I had friended one of my parents and they made critical comments about my language and my job (in one breath, as it were) on my page, I'd probably be unfriending them pretty quickly.

I agree with this sentiment. This young man is in a war zone being shot at and his dad is concerned about language? Sorry, but that's the wrong focus IMHO. I love my mother and she is one of my friends on Facebook. If she did something like this to me, she would be unfriended in a hurry.

[Elle]

Add to that - this is on the public wall, what the father did is scold his son and disparage his career in public.

[ladycrim]

PNC, I am very glad your cousin is alive and well and able to curse on Facebook.  I'm sorry his parents don't have the same perspective.

[Sharnita]

PNC, I am very glad your cousin is alive and well and able to curse on Facebook.  I'm sorry his parents don't have the same perspective.

Come on let's not be overly dramatic.  There is no indication that they are not overjoyed that he is alive and well.  They have just indicated that they'd rather have him express his frustration with different language. 

[jimithing]

PNC, I am very glad your cousin is alive and well and able to curse on Facebook.  I'm sorry his parents don't have the same perspective.

Come on let's not be overly dramatic.  There is no indication that they are not overjoyed that he is alive and well.  They have just indicated that they'd rather have him express his frustration with different language. 

Which they did publicly. I think they were completely out of line. I think their priorities are out of wack and they should realize that perhaps they need to learn to let some of the less important things go right now.

[PeasNCues]

PNC, I am very glad your cousin is alive and well and able to curse on Facebook.  I'm sorry his parents don't have the same perspective.

Come on let's not be overly dramatic.  There is no indication that they are not overjoyed that he is alive and well.  They have just indicated that they'd rather have him express his frustration with different language. 

I don't consider that overly dramatic. His wife could get a visit any day. This is a man who is in the middle of the action, handling it as best he can.

I don't think it's that his parents are not overjoyed that he is alive, it's that they are seriously not considering that at any point in time, he may not be. They are worrying about the "bad influence" the army is having on him rather than worrying about him... idk, as jimithing said, their priorities are out of wack.

[hobish]

Dear Cousin,

I am really #$%#! proud of you and think it is #$%#! great that you have come so far in your life. It's a #$%#! hard and dangerous job that you are doing and i hope you know i am here to support you from afar. I hope there are no more #$%! days in your future, but i know you can handle the challenge when there are. Be safe.

With lots of #$%! love,
me



...ok, maybe not.  




If Dad really needed to chastise his adult son for his language (which i personally find ridiculous, but that is neither here nor there) he really should have done it privately. I don't think there is anything you ought to do or say about it unless Cousin brings it up to you. In the long run it is kind of a small detail; getting involved might just blow it out of proportion and i am guessing that is the last thing Cousin needs. You, of course, know your family better than we do, and have more of an idea how they would react.