"No cussing!" - Facebook style

[PeasNCues]

If Dad really needed to chastise his adult son for his language (which i personally find ridiculous, but that is neither here nor there) he really should have done it privately. I don't think there is anything you ought to do or say about it unless Cousin brings it up to you. In the long run it is kind of a small detail; getting involved might just blow it out of proportion and i am guessing that is the last thing Cousin needs. You, of course, know your family better than we do, and have more of an idea how they would react.

Yeah, I'm definitely going to leave the post alone. It's up to Cousin to remove it when he gets a chance to get online again. I will send him a PM letting him know that we miss and love him and leave it at that... maybe I will say "we fricken love you" lol

[TulipWorthy]

I would post on his wall that I am glad he is alive and I don't care what language he uses to express his frustration.  And then I would thank him for his service and ask if I could send him a care package.

[aka]

I wonder if cousin knows how to set up separate lists and screen the "friends" who see particular content.  If you do end up sending him a PM, I would be tempted to mention how he can make sure his parents don't see post that may offend them.

And I think that cousin's father was way out of line.  If I were cousin, I would probably delete it (though this might just cause more trouble with his parents)

[Fluffy Cat]

I agree with PP's about sending your cousin a private message of support.  I do disagree with Toots though I can see where she is coming from. I have no problem watching my language around my parents in their home or when I am accompanying them somewhere, but not on my facebook page.  Of course, that is part of the reason I have them restricted from reading my wall in the first place.

And if there ever was a "proper" time to cuss, I'd say your cousin's circumstance qualifies.

[Mikayla]

I think there was a minor lapse in judgment on the cousin's part and a massive one on his dad's.  For cuz, it's just not smart to use the F-bomb on facebook - heck, people have been turned down for jobs because of facebook and myspace.  If he wants to toss it around,  he can send it privately to whomever he wants.

But Dad not only dragged a family issue onto a worldwide platform, he did so on behalf of his wife.  I'd be livid if a family quarrel got aired this way on my behalf.  (I'm referring to "your mom and I").  If he's going to make a jerk of himself, don't drag innocent parties into it!

Sadly, though, I agree that you stay out of the conflict and just support him privately. 

[cbcb]

For the "public" factor, I think it's rude to publicly chastise an adult as if they are a child. The man is in a war zone and experiencing some real difficulties - frankly, if using a curse word gives him a moments vent, he should curse all he wants (actually - he's an adult, so should curse all he wants).

I can only imagine how hurt he was to read it - because it strikes the reader that the father's primary concern is how the hard time is affecting his son's word choice, not that he's having a hard time, or all the other ways he could be affected by that.

Definitely send a PM to your cousin. Actually, post a follow-up comment - completely ignore what his dad wrote, just say "hey cousin, I can't even imagine how rough it is for you! I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Please know we all love you and are thinking of you!".

[Shopgirl]

I don't agree that Facebook is considered "public". He gets to chose who sees his profile. If it was my page I would unfriend my parents.


I swear/post adult things on my page sometimes. One day I had a request from my 15y/o half-brother. Before I approved him I called my father and told him I post some things that might not be great for a 15y/o and I don't want to censor myself. He said he would be fine and don't worry about what I post.

Good luck and say thank you to your cousin for all of his work.

[Bookgirl]

Send him this link so he can laugh

http://myparentsjoinedfacebook.com/

His dad was wrong, if he truly felt that he had to say something to him about the language, he should have done so in a PM. 

[CreteGirl]

"Hang in there little buddy"?  If I was a soldier fighting in a war I would be very unhappy about being addressed like a five year old.  More so than being chided about my language.

[Alida]

"Hang in there little buddy"?  If I was a soldier fighting in a war I would be very unhappy about being addressed like a five year old.  More so than being chided about my language.

This made me scratch my head, too.  That's what you say to a kid who has scraped their knee or something, not a grown man, fighting in a war zone, to boot!

[still in va]

i just can't believe that a parent would chastise his son for "inappropriate" language posted on the son's facebook page when the son is in freaking COMBAT!!!!  when my husband was on active duty many years ago and deployed, my policy was to keep him from worrying about us at home as much as possible, and to not criticize.  granted, it was a different time and we depended upon actual letters and the occasional phone call, but still!

OP, please do send your cousin a supportive PM.  his parents apparently don't get what their son is going through on a daily basis.

[JoanOfArc]

I think the parents were quite out of line and very rude.  I also don't consider cursing on facebook to be an absolute wrong.  Maybe it is not the smartest thing to do in terms of future employment, but I suspect that employers might just understand that a war zone is not an easy place to be.  It sounds like the parents are having a hard time with the idea that their son isn't a little boy and that he may differ in wants and needs from them.  They need to either accept it or learn to be quiet about it.  Either way, scolding their son on facebook is wrong.

Joan

[Suze]

"Hang in there little buddy"?  If I was a soldier fighting in a war I would be very unhappy about being addressed like a five year old.  More so than being chided about my language.

what -- is his name Gillagan?  (old tv show for some of you)

the MAN was letting off some steam -- If he only used ONE word -- more power to him

Oh and give him a virtual hug from me for all that he is doing

[Lisbeth]

PNC, I am very glad your cousin is alive and well and able to curse on Facebook.  I'm sorry his parents don't have the same perspective.

Come on let's not be overly dramatic.  There is no indication that they are not overjoyed that he is alive and well.  They have just indicated that they'd rather have him express his frustration with different language. 

Which they did publicly. I think they were completely out of line. I think their priorities are out of wack and they should realize that perhaps they need to learn to let some of the less important things go right now.

Pod.  They don't have to approve of his use of profanity, but to reprimand him on his wall rather than in a PM was out-of-line.

I had to block my mother from posting on my wall because she was making posts that were not appropriate for public view.  She can still send E-mails though.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

OK, let's look at it this way.

The mom & dad have raised their son to completely eschew cursing, and to recognize it as offensive behavior when done in public.

Facebook *is* public. Everybody sees it; it gets pushed out to them. It's the equivalent of swearing on the street--a street populated by people who actually *know* who you are. So, what you do is more closely linked to your reputation there than it would be if you swore on the street in a completely strange city. It matters *more* when it's among people you know.


The soldier may be in Afghanistan, but he is *on* Facebook, and that's "the public street in your hometown."

The fact that he used a vulgarity that he apparently was strongly taught not to use means that he is redefining what "proper behavior in public" is, or that he is not recognizing the concept that "Facebook is 'in public', or that he is so stressed by his assignment that he is unable to exercise the self-control that he has used all his life.

And his father is rightfully concerned about this. Even when we are grownups, our parents have a stake in having "raised us right." Our parents have the right to say, "this is dishonorable behavior; our family doesn't behave like this," whether it's cheating grandma out of money, abandoning a pregnant girlfriend, all the way down to using swear words in front of people you *know* will find them offensive, or belching at the dinner table and not saying "excuse me."

However, *publicly* chiding their son is not good. Not even if they are worried that people will say, "Johnny used the F-word on his Facebook status? I thought Marge and Ralph raised him better than that!"

He should have sent a message to his son's Facebook in-box and said, "I'm concerned--that was sort of shocking, esp. for you, knowing what we tried to teach you. What's going on? Oh, and knock it off, if you would, please."

I think being in a active war zone counts as an excited utterance.

such as your on a plane  and things go very very bad , assume crash positions ...just imagine as bad as it can be without actually being dead or maimed .... someone says the F word , now it's a public place , but it's not the time or place to chastise anyone.  After the plane is safely on the ground privately chastise away.  The same would apply if the swearing person where on the plane and the chastiser was on the phone.