FB Drama - Apology expected, yet not forthcoming

[TootsNYC]

However I will be Devil's advocate and say maybe she does have a point about the family clique and being excluded. In saying that, from the tone of her facebook post, I wouldn;t be in a hurry to spend time with her.

Then the thing to say would be "That sounded like so much fun!  Maybe next year let us know if you plan to go again...we would love to join you!"

Completely agreed with bopper.  That would have been a good way to let them know she wanted in, but not being so negative.

Or to say wistfully, "I hope you didn't think we wouldn't enjoy spending the time with you, or going on the outing. It would have been fun to be included."

or even to say wistfully, "Sometimes we feel so distant, but I hate to invite myself along. I wish you would think of us."

And I'm w/  the "family outing discussed in front of family, even if it *IS* on Facebook, is a faux pas." A lesson for the OP, and one that she HERSELF identified in her first post.

Let us all learn from her difficulties, so that her suffering is not in vain.

[Deetee]

Deetee: You are right, there are better ways to handle it.  It's just that I'm been on the other end where I'm left out and feel hurt about it.  But yes, I agree...emailing the OP wasn't the appropriate action.

I just want to be doubly clear that I don't think excluding people (who may reasonably expect to be invited) and talking about all the fun you had without them (I'm on the fence about the facebook because I like those sorts of updates. I am curious about what people are up to) is any way to behave.

Other people have given good examples of how to get across a desire to be invited. I know I have used those techniques. I wait for the event to pass and then (if I want to persue a friendship) I say I'd love to be involved in the next event (and then don't bring it up again) or, better yet, I invite the people to my own event (or coffee or dinner or lunch). I try to make it very clear I enjoy their company. It is suprisingly effective.
 

[Raintree]

Well it sounds as though it was a spur of the moment decision to go. It's a tradition for the one family, but they only decided to ask their houseguests that morning. I wouldn't have necessarily thought to invite everyone else who might possibly be interested either.

Also if she wanted to do something with the group of cousins staying at the house, couldn't she have organized something herself? Or at least asked, "Hey, what are you all doing on Saturday? I'd love to see more of you...why don't we go do something?" She could also have gathered up her family and gone to the Christmas tree farm herself, hoping to run into them if nobody picked up the phone. It's a public place, right? When I'm out and about with stuff going on around me, I don't always hear my phone ringing.

As for Facebook, sometimes I've posted things and then got a comment, "Hey, that looks like fun! Please let me know if you go again!" I think that's OK, as I might not otherwise have thought of that person or known they'd be interested. Can't always think of everyone I know every single time.

I know a Christine too. Gets highly offended when she sees pictures of people doing things together on Facebook, but never bothers to contact people herself to initiate outings.

[blarg314]

For perspective - we've seen lots of posts on this board from people who have relatives or friends who expect to be invited to events - because they want to, because the feel entitled to, because person X was invited and it's not fair, because they're faaaaamily, etc.

And the inevitable advice is "It's your event, and it's up to you who to invite - you shouldn't be bullied or guilted into inviting people you don't want, even if you are related to them" and "It's rude to berate someone for not inviting you, or to harass someone for an invitation to an event."

It's also generally accepted that in most situations it is rude to invite someone along to an event hosted by someone else.

So I'm having trouble seeing how emailing a guest of an event to berate them for not inviting them along to someone else's party, and then throwing a public Facebook sulk can in any way be justified.

[Hawkwatcher]

For perspective - we've seen lots of posts on this board from people who have relatives or friends who expect to be invited to events - because they want to, because the feel entitled to, because person X was invited and it's not fair, because they're faaaaamily, etc.

And the inevitable advice is "It's your event, and it's up to you who to invite - you shouldn't be bullied or guilted into inviting people you don't want, even if you are related to them" and "It's rude to berate someone for not inviting you, or to harass someone for an invitation to an event."

It's also generally accepted that in most situations it is rude to invite someone along to an event hosted by someone else.

So I'm having trouble seeing how emailing a guest of an event to berate them for not inviting them along to someone else's party, and then throwing a public Facebook sulk can in any way be justified.

She also berated a minor child who has no say in deciding Mom and Dad's guest list.  I agree she was not justified.