Author Topic: Deflecting hometown questions...  (Read 14428 times)

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sparksals

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #75 on: December 16, 2009, 05:40:55 PM »
Well, today somebody asked me after I helped her at the library.

I gave the answer directly and matter of fact- but in a very stern tone and with a square face. She asked how long had I been here in the USA, and I replied "14 years and I am very happy here".

Transaction ended. We wished each other to have a nice day.

Maybe someone here thought I was from Cuba (euphemized as Lilacland) because in another thread I mentioned that I had cooked black beans and rice. I have been given other reasons for this assumption IRL- usually pertaining to my fair skin and Masters degree leading the person to assume automatically I am from the most affluent of the groups in the umbrella category.

I think the assumption in this thread was made b/c you have been so vague with all the euphemisms.  Someone down thread stated, a bit defensive about your homeland. 



whiterose

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #76 on: December 16, 2009, 05:48:29 PM »
Yes, I am defensive.

Bottom line is: I wish I had a hometown that I felt more at home in and that I was happy in and that I fit in better.  :( :'(

I was always sick with allergies back there. And something really bad happened to me- not necessarily exclusive to it, but I am glad I escaped on time. And I always knew I was different. Almost like I had "cultural identity disorder" (if such a thing exists) where I identified more with a different culture than the one my family is from or the one I was raised in. Hence it hurts so much when the hometown/ethnic background is held against me- after all, I never felt like one of them.  :( :'(
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shhh its me

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #77 on: December 16, 2009, 06:02:17 PM »
  whiterose I think sometime your feeling judged , just sometimes , it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

If I said to anyone "oh your from anywhere I've heard that it's lovely" all I'm doing is making pleasant conversation, when you respond "yes but I like it here where I live now better"  it's sound like your answering an unspoken and I might add un-thought " you should go back there".  I would be walking on eggsshells around you.  I didn't mean to imply anything , but I would be so afraid that you would infer something I meant innocently I might subconsciously avoid talking to you. 


I hope that makes some sense ?

whiterose

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #78 on: December 16, 2009, 07:01:44 PM »
A little. But sadly, the "you should go back there" has been vocalized  :-\ Hence I am so sensitive.

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shhh its me

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #79 on: December 16, 2009, 07:22:44 PM »
   I'm so very sorry to hear that , please don't judge everyone by the bad apples even if it seems like their are a lot of bad apples out there ATM.

guihong

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #80 on: December 18, 2009, 08:37:51 AM »
   I also agree actually knowing where we were talking about wold help ....just to pick random offensive stereotype vs actual conversation vs clueless 

Oh your from Russia were you a mail order bride?  what was it like being a child while so many vast political changes were happening ? What stuff did you have to trade for bluejeans ? (in 80's it was common knowledge that bluejeans were highly traded black-market item)

I have a friend from Russia, and I asked the etiquette of this very type of question (the political changes, not being a bride, or the jeans!) a while ago.  The consensus was that as long as she had an "out" not to discuss things, it was OK, not nosy or fostering stereotypes. 

Same with Poland, if I knew Audrey in person I might ask if she'd been there and maybe a mention that the country must be fascinating to most Westerners who have never been able to see it.



artk2002

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #81 on: December 21, 2009, 05:46:42 PM »
But sadly, the "you should go back there" has been vocalized  :-\ Hence I am so sensitive.

While that person was rude, you aren't unique in hearing it.  That's said to a lot of people from a lot of places.  Xenophobia is a very ugly human trait.  But acting ashamed of who you are and where you are from won't help that at all -- in fact, it just reinforces the idea that you're somehow "bad."  I truly wouldn't worry about what a bigot thought of you.  The response to "you should go back" is a(n internal) "tough, I'm here."

When I think of PR, I think of my boss, who, besides being a great friend, drank the strongest coffee that I've ever tasted.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

shhh its me

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #82 on: December 21, 2009, 06:56:59 PM »
   I also agree actually knowing where we were talking about wold help ....just to pick random offensive stereotype vs actual conversation vs clueless 

Oh your from Russia were you a mail order bride?  what was it like being a child while so many vast political changes were happening ? What stuff did you have to trade for bluejeans ? (in 80's it was common knowledge that bluejeans were highly traded black-market item)

I have a friend from Russia, and I asked the etiquette of this very type of question (the political changes, not being a bride, or the jeans!) a while ago.  The consensus was that as long as she had an "out" not to discuss things, it was OK, not nosy or fostering stereotypes. 

Same with Poland, if I knew Audrey in person I might ask if she'd been there and maybe a mention that the country must be fascinating to most Westerners who have never been able to see it.

Yes I was at a bit of a loss....I was trying to pick something that was  blatantly rude, conversation or bizarre hopefuly innocuous  stereotype question, since each type would warrant a different response. 

HorseFreak

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #83 on: December 22, 2009, 07:14:42 AM »
Well, today somebody asked me after I helped her at the library.

I gave the answer directly and matter of fact- but in a very stern tone and with a square face. She asked how long had I been here in the USA, and I replied "14 years and I am very happy here".

Transaction ended. We wished each other to have a nice day.

Maybe someone here thought I was from Cuba (euphemized as Lilacland) because in another thread I mentioned that I had cooked black beans and rice. I have been given other reasons for this assumption IRL- usually pertaining to my fair skin and Masters degree leading the person to assume automatically I am from the most affluent of the groups in the umbrella category.

I think the assumption in this thread was made b/c you have been so vague with all the euphemisms.  Someone down thread stated, a bit defensive about your homeland. 


I must admit I was sure you were referring to Cuba after reading a few posts. I spend way too much of my time trying to figure it out since you seem to think wherever you're from is such a terrible/controversial place. Being so secretive does draw a lot of attention to it which I imagine comes across when you're very short about it with strangers.

whiterose

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #84 on: December 22, 2009, 11:07:50 AM »
I am surprised so many people thought of Cuba first.

Cubans are the most affluent Latino group in the USA. The most prosperous and educated.

Many people (Latino or not) have assumed I am Cuban simply because of my fair skin and Masters degree, due to Cubans being the wealthiest of the Latino communities. Then my accent and vocabulary (not using the typical Cuban diminutive form and the sort) confirm otherwise.

Growing up, I had several Cuban teachers and 3 Cuban classmates in my grade. The reputation was always that Cubans were "hard working". That they came "with the clothes on their back" but that they achieved wealth and prosperity due to hard work.

Sure sure, there may controversies with the country per se. But with Cuban Americans being the most affluent of the Latino groups, I am a bit surprised this was people's main guess.
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camlan

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #85 on: December 22, 2009, 12:03:00 PM »
I am surprised so many people thought of Cuba first.

Cubans are the most affluent Latino group in the USA. The most prosperous and educated.

Many people (Latino or not) have assumed I am Cuban simply because of my fair skin and Masters degree, due to Cubans being the wealthiest of the Latino communities. Then my accent and vocabulary (not using the typical Cuban diminutive form and the sort) confirm otherwise.

Growing up, I had several Cuban teachers and 3 Cuban classmates in my grade. The reputation was always that Cubans were "hard working". That they came "with the clothes on their back" but that they achieved wealth and prosperity due to hard work.

Sure sure, there may controversies with the country per se. But with Cuban Americans being the most affluent of the Latino groups, I am a bit surprised this was people's main guess.

I don't know much about Cuba, I'll admit. Most of what you posted here is new to me. But, since I also didn't know any negative things about people from PR, my thoughts went to Cuba, as some people might think of illegal immigrants/Cuba and since it was pretty clear you weren't from Mexico. Not that I have issues with people leaving Cuba and coming to the US, but that's what I thought the issue might be.
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whiterose

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #86 on: December 23, 2009, 01:05:07 PM »
Used these techniques today. Was having a stressful morning (internet not working leading to impatient customers and other things). One customer asked where I was from since I had an accent. I did NOT feel like discussing where I was originally from, since I was stressed out enough already. So I just told her I came from the northern part of the state (where I moved here from, so it is the truth after all). She did not press the issue, nor did the other customer who asked and got the same answer. I beandipped afterwards talking about how cold it must be there right now.

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Deflecting hometown questions...
« Reply #87 on: February 17, 2010, 10:13:02 PM »
I can appreciate the feeling of not really liking where you're from, and not feeling like you fit in there.   The town I grew up in, I never really felt like I fit in.  More so as an adult than as a kid.   It's not a bad area of the state, just very built up and busy.   

We've recently moved to a town in the western part of MD (was in central) and it really suits us more.  Like the OP and Florida, this town is more like home to us, and our boys love it too.   Because we just moved last month, if people ask where we moved from, I usually tell them then smile and say "But I like it SOOO much better, here!"   

I've just had one negative comment, a few days after we moved, actually it was the boys first day at the new school.   I mentioned that we just moved to another mother, trying to make conversation.  She asked where I was from and when I told her, she snapped, "Why would you want to more HERE?"  She turned away and stopped talking to me.  I figured she just didn't like it and couldn't understand why someone would want to move here.
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