Rude or circumstantial?

[goblue2539]

I went out to dinner with a few friends from church last night for one friend's birthday.  This friend and his wife (also friend) recently adopted a one year old.  The baby is somewhat finicky, as babies are likely to be.  One day she loves me, the next she laughs at me while she runs away, and other days she looks at me like I grew another head.  I try to just take her moods in stride cause she's a baby and she's only spent the last 6 months in the country. 

So, friend's family was also at dinner.  His mom and his wife have some issues, mostly to do with wife not liking the fact that mom tries to override decisions about the baby.  But, they manage to play nice together on most occasions. 

At dinner, we were seated in two booths with the divider removed so we were all sitting together.  Somehow I ended up between friend and his mom.  Which meant I was also between friend's mom and baby.  Well, baby was in a loving mood, so I was getting lots of kisses blown to me.  Friend's mom was jealous, and I could kind of understand.  But, it wasn't like I was actually trying to make baby do it, and I wasn't trying to stop her from looking at friend's mom either.  Still, I did respond to the baby, cause it was cute and she was being nice. 

So, I think my real question is should I have stopped smiling at the baby when she blew kisses to me?  Or was I ok to respond to her so long as I wasn't making an effort to get her attention? 

I think I included all the pertinent info, but please let me know if I missed something.  I'm trying to say enough without saying too much, if you know what I mean.

[fklwmn]

I think you def should have responded to the baby and I ALSO think it's ok to try to get the baby's attention as long as you aren't rudely trying to pull the baby's attention from grandma or anyone else.

You could have offered to switch seats with Gma, but if baby is like most babies I know, she would have bypassed grandma, b/c You were the person she was loving that night. I hope you enjoyed it!

[jrice07]

I know I'm new around here, but I think that someone who would be upset at YOU for her grandchild showign you attention is way out of line!

I don't see anything wrong with giving the child some attention. If the grandmother was to say anything to you, she'd come off as jealous and unreasonable, which is probably pretty close to the truth, right?

Anyway, I think you did the right thing, or at least I don't think you were fishing for a fight...

[goblue2539]

Thanks ladies.  I didn't think I'd done anything wrong or bad.  I was just second guessing because I know there are enough problems in that situation. 

She's the sweetest thing too.  I've learned all my sign language from her.

[Clara Bow]

Anyone who is jealous over who a baby looks at is a little nuts. Babies are famously fickle...and I'm sure since she probably sees Grandma more than she sees you, you were a bit of a novelty.

[Sandi Papaya]

Anyone who is jealous over who a baby looks at is a little nuts. Babies are famously fickle...and I'm sure since she probably sees Grandma more than she sees you, you were a bit of a novelty.

I'm with Auntie Venom here - you weren't trying to shove grandma out of the way or anything, Baby was just fixated with having your attention because you were there and probably someone she's not used to having around all the time.

My 2-month-old nephew was all smiles, smiles, smiles for me the other day, because I don't get to see him often. My brother and his family only live the next town over, but I haven't been able to drive myself down there to go see the twins, so I only get lots of playtime when they're over at Grandma and Auntie's (my mom's and my house) for a visit.

If one of my friends was playing with my niece or nephew and didn't smile for me, I'd know it was the novelty of another person they'd be fascinated with - I wouldn't feel "cheated" of my babies' love and affection. They're babies - they love everyone who shows them love and attention.

What a rude and self-centered woman.

[goblue2539]

I do have to say, I probably see the baby more than grandma does.  But, that might also be because when baby's mom and dad say no, I listen. 

That could be the opposite explanation for the same thing though.  She knows me better, so feels more comfortable with me. 

I know I've got more important things to worry about.  I just needed the reassurance that I didn't make my friends lives any harder with grandma than they already were.  So, thanks!

[Cupcake Fiend]

It drives me nuts when older relatives show up and expect a baby, toddler, or young child to be all lovey on them just because they are family!!  That means NOTHING unless you do something to win the baby/child's love and affection!!  My mother used to pull this stunt with Thing 1.  She barely ever saw him then got all upset when he didn't run right to her and give her hugs and kisses "because she's graaaaaaaaannnnnnddmmmmaaaaaa" Ugh.

[goblue2539]

It drives me nuts when older relatives show up and expect a baby, toddler, or young child to be all lovey on them just because they are family!!  That means NOTHING unless you do something to win the baby/child's love and affection!! 

I actually had the opposite problem with my godson.  I knew he hadn't seen me in months, and he's only a baby too.  So, I smiled and talked to him, but I didn't rush anything.  His mother, on the other hand, plopped him in my arms, told me he was used to me now, and would i please help get him dressed.   Since he didn't fuss or cry, I took her lead because I figure she knows him better than I do.  Still, I do make it a point to not assume a baby is going to remember me. 

[hobish]

I know I'm new around here, but I think that someone who would be upset at YOU for her grandchild showign you attention is way out of line!

I don't see anything wrong with giving the child some attention. If the grandmother was to say anything to you, she'd come off as jealous and unreasonable, which is probably pretty close to the truth, right?

Anyway, I think you did the right thing, or at least I don't think you were fishing for a fight...

Welcome J!

i think you make a great point there.