Question about facebook statuses and responses

[KarenK]

I think that when you post anything on FB, or anywhere else on the internet for that matter, you are inviting comment, and you have no control over what that comment will be. So, I guess to go back to the original question in the OP, no it's not rude to respond unsympathetically or with the "there's always some one worse off that you" posts.

[PeasNCues]

I'm glad I read this thread because I have a friend who works as a medic in the ER. She CONSTANTLY posts about how she hates when people come in with Bad Sickness/crying/dead at the end of her shift because she has to stay late.

I almost post, "I bet they're not happy about it either" but have been staying out of it as her medic friends are posting lots of supporting messages and I don't want to bring her down.

I think people are more likely not to hesitate with their posts because it's the internet and there is a certain separation people feel. But, I definitely think replies can be rude (no matter if you open yourself up to comment, it doesn't follow that those comments cannot be rude), and that "there are starving children in Third World Country" replies are, at the very least, very unhelpful.

[MrsJWine]

I think that when you post anything on FB, or anywhere else on the internet for that matter, you are inviting comment, and you have no control over what that comment will be. So, I guess to go back to the original question in the OP, no it's not rude to respond unsympathetically or with the "there's always some one worse off that you" posts.

But just because someone should not expect overwhelming sympathy doesn't make it not rude to respond rudely.  If it's a rude statement, it's a rude statement.

99.999% of my status updates are intended to amuse people because I'm pretty private about my personal feelings, because I'm kind of a clown, and also because I don't want to deal with such comments when I really am feeling down.  I'm cautious because I know what the Internet does to people's brain-to-keyboard filters, not because I think rude behavior in real life is suddenly not rude on Facebook.

[kingsrings]

I'm glad I read this thread because I have a friend who works as a medic in the ER. She CONSTANTLY posts about how she hates when people come in with Bad Sickness/crying/dead at the end of her shift because she has to stay late.

I almost post, "I bet they're not happy about it either" but have been staying out of it as her medic friends are posting lots of supporting messages and I don't want to bring her down.

I think people are more likely not to hesitate with their posts because it's the internet and there is a certain separation people feel. But, I definitely think replies can be rude (no matter if you open yourself up to comment, it doesn't follow that those comments cannot be rude), and that "there are starving children in Third World Country" replies are, at the very least, very unhelpful.

That one would really offend me. When I had to take my cat into the vet last year, it was at the end of the day on a Friday, and it sadly, it ended with the vet having to euthanize her. Yes, her shift ended a lot later and a lot differently than what was planned. But in her words, "that's the nature of the job", and that should be the attitude of everyone in her position. I certainly wouldn't appreciate having to see someone whining like that. 

[wetblanket]

Well...I see the larger problem as the fact that instead of feeling compassion for a sad/sick friend everyone seems to want them to go away.  I'm not trying to be snarky, but could we all think about that for a second?  If you wouldn't want to help them feel better or find out what's wrong, why are you friends with them? 

POD

Especially since it's just a status update, not a frantic call at 3am for the umpteenth time.  It doesn't interrupt your life or anything.

[Wavicle]

However much I hate people obviously just looking for someone to ask what's wrong, it is rude to make mean comments. Saying something to make someone feel bad is mean, even if it is the internet. I don't think it is necessarily an invitation for comment, since it is still rude to insult people. It is still a real person behind the computer, and on Facebook you probably know them in real like too. If it would be rude to say something to them in person, it is rude to say online.

[Two Ravens]

I firmly believe that Facebook is not the place for cries for help.  Things you type are broadcasted to everyone you know.  My opinion is, if you would not say it out loud at a cocktail party, you should not say it on Facebook.

Comments that have been mentioned before are not appropriate, but then, that is the nature of the internet.  People say things on there that quite often, they would never say out loud.  The internet is generally a much ruder place than the "real" world.  If you post things out there, you need to be prepared for whatever may come back.

[gibsongirl]

Things you type are broadcasted to everyone you know.  My opinion is, if you would not say it out load at a cocktail party, you should not say it on Facebook.

I too believe this, which is why I'm not facebook friends with anyone I would not attend a cocktail party with.

[Two Ravens]

Things you type are broadcasted to everyone you know.  My opinion is, if you would not say it out load at a cocktail party, you should not say it on Facebook.

I too believe this, which is why I'm not facebook friends with anyone I would not attend a cocktail party with.

My whole point was that you don't know everyone at a cocktail party.  Or you have varying degrees on intimacy with them.  A blanket announcement or your current mental state, etc. is not generally appropriate.

[HotMango]

For me personally, I don't mind if my friends post their negative feelings. Most of my friends list is populated by those who I don't talk with often so it's a good way for me keep up. Some are going through difficult times and I want to be able to comment with my sympathies or just reach out real quick to let them know I care.    

But it's the frequent fliers to the Land of Sad that bug me. One person in particular always seems to be down in the dumps and in the most vague way possible. "In tears now." "Is having the worst day of her life." "Can't believe he said that to me!!!" I think she is intentionally vague just so that we all rush to comment: "What happened?" so that she feels loved and appreciated. And if she replies it's equally vague "Thanx guys. You are great friends."

Thankfully, no one has done the "people have it worse than you. Quit your whining" comment. But she is getting fewer and fewer comments to her posts. I wonder if she'll figure it out?

[Nurvingiel]

Now I want to have a cocktail party and invite all my FB friends.

Even though I don't think it's a good plan to be a frequent flier to the Land of Sad (awesome HotMango) I agree that it's terrible to belittle the person. If one is that ticked off by the comment, one should hide that news feed.

[Raintree]

I have one friend on FB who posts her woes on a daily basis. She's sick, she's sad, she's tired, she has a headache, she's so tired of it all, she is drained, no energy, people at work are annoying her, she feels like "carp"...you name it.

What am I supposed to do, express sympathy every day? I don't feel great and upbeat every single day either, but I wonder if she is aware of how this comes across after a while.  You start to just think these people are bringing it on themselves with their negative attitudes. So I just ignore and let everyone else post the "supportive" messages. I think it would be quite rude to post a reminder of how other people have it bad too, or are worse off.

[MrsJWine]

I have a couple people on my friends list who are very frequent visitors to the Land of Sad (oh, excellent phrase!).  Every little hangnail, headache, traffic jam, and long day at work is a Momentous Personal Obstacle.  I'm fine with complaining (I do it too, so it must be okay, right?  ), but it's the drama of it, the woe-is-me attention-seeking that gets on my nerves.

I think we've all known people in real life who are sighers or sniffers or forehead-rubbers; actually, I'm pretty sure I've been guilty of it myself at various times.  When something (something minor) bothers them, they don't deal with it or come right out and talk to a friend about it.  They wallow in their sadness and sigh frequently or rub their foreheads anxiously until some kind soul comes along and asks what's wrong.  I'm not talking about people who truly are despairing (and I know real depression can make something that seems minor into something far worse; I'm not talking about that, either), but people who thrive on attention and pity.  If they have to be direct about what's bothering them, it completely ruins it for them.  The Internet analog to this (since you can't really rub your forehead on Facebook--well, you could, but you'd smudge up the screen) is the frequent short, sad, cryptic status update.

Things you type are broadcasted to everyone you know.  My opinion is, if you would not say it out load at a cocktail party, you should not say it on Facebook.

I too believe this, which is why I'm not facebook friends with anyone I would not attend a cocktail party with.

My whole point was that you don't know everyone at a cocktail party.  Or you have varying degrees on intimacy with them.  A blanket announcement or your current mental state, etc. is not generally appropriate.

I think a LOT depends on who your Facebook friends are.  My circle of Facebook friends is not particularly intimate.  They're all people I have had contact with in one way or another--through here, my blog, high school, real life, whatever--, but most of them are just casual acquaintances.  However, I DO know people whose Facebook friends consist entirely of close friends.  In that instance, it's not like a cocktail party.  It's like a small gathering of your closest friends to whom you would tell anything anyway.  Obviously not the case here, but I think we should keep this in mind when discussing Facebook issues.

[Brentwood]

Aren't all statuses "attention-seeking," whether they are sad or not? After all, what is the point of posting a status if not to have it read and possibly receive responses to it?

If someone is down or unhappy, maybe FB is the only safe place they have to express it. If a person can't respond kindly to something like that, it would be better not to respond at all.

[Scritzy]

Aren't all statuses "attention-seeking," whether they are sad or not? After all, what is the point of posting a status if not to have it read and possibly receive responses to it?

If someone is down or unhappy, maybe FB is the only safe place they have to express it. If a person can't respond kindly to something like that, it would be better not to respond at all.

POD. I mean, when I can't sleep at night (sleep? what's that?), it's better for me to make a post on FB than to call people up at 3:30 AM and say, "I can't sleeeeeeeeeeep, show me some luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv."

(PS: I never post "I can't sleeeeeeeeeeep, show me some luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv." Just using an extreme example. )