It is all about the gift!

[Allie003]

It would also seem to me that gift givers should be wary of ‘hiding’ money in the gifts. Sure, it’s clever, amusing, and fun to do so, but only if the receiver finds the $$! Not everyone is going to think to look in all the nooks and crannies of gifts for money, because they’re probably not expecting it to be there, unless they know the giver does that sometimes. That’s a lot of money wasted, or ending up in the hands of people who weren’t supposed to get it.

When I was in college I spent a long weekend at my grandmother's, and brought along several books I was using for a paper I had checked out from the college library. A couple of months later I got note in my mailbox saying I needed to speak to the head librarian. The next person who checked out one of the books I had taken with me I had found $50 between the pages. My grandmother had done it as a suprise. Thank goodness for honest people!

[whiterose]

This happened to me once.

A friend (not particularly close, though) was getting married. She was good friends with one of my good friends. He told me when was the wedding, so I went to the ceremony with no intentions whatsoever of attending the reception.

After the ceremony ended, the happy couple announced that everybody present at the ceremony was welcome to attend the reception.

Not only did I attend the reception...but there was so much cake left over, that the bride told me to take it home, since I knew I lived with my parents, brother, and two dogs.

So I do not know how many faux passes did I end up committing, albeit unintentionally.

[Twik]

whiterose - what possibly faux pas? You were invited to the reception - certainly not in a traditional way, but if the HC gives such an oral invitation at the ceremony, one is entitled to believe they mean it.

Perhaps they realized a day or so early that they had way too much food ordered, and had decided this was a nice way of wasting less of it?

And it's not rude to take something that someone offers. If they didn't want you to have the cake, they shouldn't have mentioned it to you.

[Dindrane]

There were several checks, all in the $25 to $50 range. (I wish I knew what that would be in today's dollars.)

According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, $50 in 1950 had the same buying power as $452.64 now.  $25 in 1950 is equivalent to $226.33 now.  Even $10 then is equivalent to about $90 now.

So I'd say that a $25 or $50 check in 1950 was quite a substantial present.

Also, even though I'd guess that the price of silver has gone up since the 1950s, buying a place setting of silver now is no small gift.  You could easily spend a few hundred dollars to get a five piece place setting.

[Twik]

I broke a crystal vase when I was 8. It had been a wedding present.

I'll never forget the look on my mother's face as she gathered up the shards. Not angry, just terribly, terribly sad.

[MyFamily]

One couple gave an empty card. This upset me, but I blew it off as them not being able to afford a gift. Until I later found out this couple was purchasing expensive mixed drinks all afternoon.

Haven't people posted here that if they showed up at a wedding with a cash bar they'd just take the money out of the envelope that they'd planned on giving to the HC to pay for their drinks?

[Kimblee]

i remember a couple of odd gifts from my wedding.. (it was only 2 years ago) but:
a-one was presented  oddly
b-were odd for a wedding as opposed to shower gift
and c-because my dad made a big deal out of one of them
 
a-my DH's grandmother forgot the card.. but not the monetary gift.. scrawled on the outside of an envelope was "WEDDING $100" in large letters.. i found it funny.. so i remember. i remember the amount of the gift because it was written on the envelope.. she did not put her name on the envelope.. i just knew her handwriting.
b- a guest gave me and DH a hamper set that i had registered for.. it was a large gift.. and odd that it was brought to the wedding itsself.. most appreciated.. but it was like "huh? will that fit in the car?"
c- my auntie knitted us a blanket.. it's lovely and warm.. niether her nor my uncle included a monetary gift.. my dad asked me about it.. and he was rather upset that they didn't "contribute" as he was able to give a "substantial" (his words) gift to my cousin's when they got married. i am not at all upset that my aunt and uncle didn't give me money. ihave a hand knitted blanket. it's awesome. 

other than that.. i have no idea. people brought gifts.. or they gave money.. or they didn't. DH and i made out well.. our wedding was awesome.. it was fun. casual. and amazing. that was my gift. my friends and family enjoying themselves.

I went to a wedding where a bride was given an afghan FREEDOM BLANKIE at the wedding... and promptly wrapped herself in it and wandered through the rest of the wedding snuggled down in it, with the occasonal attempot by her husband to climb under too. (Oh yeah, funniest pic from the reception was the bride and groom waddlingaround together snuggled in heir blankie.)

Someone made a loud, snide commet about how REAL family gives money, and the bridestared at them, and in a slow tone (like you use with a pre schooler.) "Cousin gav me a blanket. ITS WARM."

[artk2002]

I went to a wedding where a bride was given an afghan FREEDOM BLANKIE at the wedding... and promptly wrapped herself in it and wandered through the rest of the wedding snuggled down in it, with the occasonal attempot by her husband to climb under too. (Oh yeah, funniest pic from the reception was the bride and groom waddlingaround together snuggled in heir blankie.)

Someone made a loud, snide commet about how REAL family gives money, and the bride stared at them, and in a slow tone (like you use with a pre schooler.) "Cousin gav me a blanket. ITS WARM."

Reminds me of the lines from Hello Dolly:

And on those cold winter nights, Horace...
You can snuggle up to your cash register.
It`s a little lumpy, but it rings!

[Sharnita]

"Well I hope they all had a fun afternoon eating and drinking on our dime!!"

Ummm. Isn't that the purpose of inviting people to enjoy your hospitality in celebration of your wedding? 

Didn't the LW say that they Knew the first couple could have afforded a gift because they kept buying expensive mixed drinks at the reception.  If that is the case it indicates to me a cash bar which means that they weren't "and drinking on our dime".

[TheBardess]

I wonder if the LW has seen this, either here or on the blog, and if so, what she thinks of it. Something tells me she'd take none of what we're saying to heart..

[RingTailedLemur]

"Well I hope they all had a fun afternoon eating and drinking on our dime!!"

Ummm. Isn't that the purpose of inviting people to enjoy your hospitality in celebration of your wedding? 

Didn't the LW say that they Knew the first couple could have afforded a gift because they kept buying expensive mixed drinks at the reception.  If that is the case it indicates to me a cash bar which means that they weren't "and drinking on our dime".

They might have had some drinks free to guests?

[TheBardess]

"Well I hope they all had a fun afternoon eating and drinking on our dime!!"

Ummm. Isn't that the purpose of inviting people to enjoy your hospitality in celebration of your wedding? 

Didn't the LW say that they Knew the first couple could have afforded a gift because they kept buying expensive mixed drinks at the reception.  If that is the case it indicates to me a cash bar which means that they weren't "and drinking on our dime".

They might have had some drinks free to guests?

True. It could have been a partial-cash bar, with things like beer and wine free, but less "standard" things (such as mixed drinks) for a fee.

Incidentally, what is the etiquette on such a bar? I know completely cash bars are generally frowned upon, but what about a partially-cash setup like I just described?

[Hushabye]

TheBardess, there are several threads on that topic over in the wedding etiquette folder.  You might try a search over there (I can't think of the names of any off the top of my head).  I can't remember if there has been a consensus reached on the topic.

[Brentwood]

If you cannot afford to contribute a small token of appreciation for being invited...

This is the bit that really gets me. If I were having a wedding, I think that my attitude would be that my guests were doing me a favour by showing up to support me, not that I was doing them a favour by graciously allowing them to attend my performance.

On the subject of wedding gifts, my grandmother has recently been clearing out her house in preparation to move into a rest home. She offered me a small green vase (green is my favorite colour), saying it was a wedding gift from her aunt. My first thought was "Gosh, that's really small for a wedding gift". Then I realised that my grandma had not only kept for 40 or 50 years (not sure when she got married) but also remembered exactly who gave it to her.

I think I might put it on prominent display in my home as a reminder to be humble and grateful for what I receive 

The list of my mother's wedding presents from her 1950 wedding includes several such small gifts, like a set of nylon dresser scarves, a can opener and an address book. My dad's aunt gave them a check for $10. Close family did give larger gifts, like a place setting of their silver. There were several checks, all in the $25 to $50 range. (I wish I knew what that would be in today's dollars.) But overall, most of the gifts were pretty modest, especially from their friends, who were only a year or two out of college.

And my mother remembered exactly who gave her which gift. Every holiday, when we took out the good silver, she'd tell me which friend gave her the silver butter dish, which one the crystal salt & pepper shakers, which one the pickle fork. 

$25 to $50 would have been very generous gifts in 1950. My parents were married in 1959 and received several monetary gifts, the largest of which was $10.

[Brentwood]

I broke a crystal vase when I was 8. It had been a wedding present.

I'll never forget the look on my mother's face as she gathered up the shards. Not angry, just terribly, terribly sad.

I broke a crystal candle-holder when I was 43. It had also been a wedding present - mine!