mini-vent Ms PITA strikes again!

[wetblanket]

Argh!

Last week I posted about Ms PITA, who does many annoying things including dicussing projects that involve me with our boss without including me in the discussions, or even letting me know about them until they are over, and presuming to speak for me (as in "I told Boss what you said about such-and-such and Boss said this-and-that").  I think this is very rude and a sure way to antagonize your co-workers.

Last I week I sent her an email saying I want to be informed in advance of any discussions with our boss on Project X and to be present at those discussions whenever possible.  Ms PITA replied "sure thing".  That was 6 days ago.

Today she did it again!   I'm furious!  And there was absolutely no reason for it.  She didn't even attempt to include me in the meeting or bother to tell me about it until much later.

I'm going to wait until tomorrow to cool off, and then I'm going to send her another email telling her AGAIN that I want to be present at these discussions.  If this woman is going to drive me crazy, I can at least document why and how it is happening.

I LOATHE this woman.  She tries to come across as really nice person who doesn't mean the slightest bit of harm but in fact she's bloody incompetent fool who doesn't pull her weight and does passive-aggressive nonsense like this to have control.

I started out being nice to this woman.  I really did.  But she blew it.  I could go on and on.  This is just part of it.

 

[Banshee]

Do you two share a mutual supervisor?  If so, I would cc said supervisor on the next email you send requesting to be included in discussions of your projects.  This helps prevent her from boxing you out without a good reason.

[gjcva1]

wetblanket, can you resend the e-mail where she agreed to include you in the meetings, ccing the boss who she is telling what you think, and ask her about your initial agreement?  what a woman!

[wetblanket]

Yes, we have the same supervisor.  It's tricky though.  Our supervisor really can't handle conflict - she likes to believe that we're a jolly little team, and takes the shoot-the-messenger approach to bad news.

Ms PITA always frames her screw-ups as "just this once".  Just this once because I happened to be in the elevator with Boss and thought I'd bring it up then.  Just this once because I thought you were too busy and wouldn't want to be interrupted.  Just this once - oh, that's right, you said you wanted to be there, I guess I forgot!  That kind of thing.

Ack!!!!!

[Banshee]

Well, it's your supervisor's job to mediate conflict, so I'd go ahead and dump it cheerfully into her lap.  And the next time PITA tells you about speaking for you to the boss, thank her for her efforts on your behalf, but you are quite capable of passing on your own opinions and don't want to burden her with something that isn't part of her job.

[anonymousmac]

Last I week I sent her an email saying I want to be informed in advance of any discussions with our boss on Project X and to be present at those discussions whenever possible.  Ms PITA replied "sure thing".  That was 6 days ago.

Today she did it again!   I'm furious!  And there was absolutely no reason for it.  She didn't even attempt to include me in the meeting or bother to tell me about it until much later.

I'm going to wait until tomorrow to cool off, and then I'm going to send her another email telling her AGAIN that I want to be present at these discussions.  If this woman is going to drive me crazy, I can at least document why and how it is happening.

I LOATHE this woman.  She tries to come across as really nice person who doesn't mean the slightest bit of harm but in fact she's bloody incompetent fool who doesn't pull her weight and does passive-aggressive nonsense like this to have control.

Maybe I'm more paranoid than you, or I've worked with worse people, but if I were in your situation, I would believe that this woman knows exactly what she's doing.  It's never been about being clueless or rude or not knowing your preferences; she's trying to cut you out.  She wants more influence with the boss or wants to take over these projects herself or just wants to make herself look good at your expense.

I'm not sure how I would respond, but I would definitely be sure to act defensively around her from now on.  Don't bother trying to just keep telling her more clearly to include you; I'd assume that she's doing it on purpose and will keep doing this, so you need to find another way to stop her.  Start asserting your authority more clearly on the projects.  Call your own meetings, and cc your boss whenever necessary to have a paper trail later.  Don't let her call the shots, and put her back in her place whenever necessary.

Just a thought...

[supernova]

I'm not in your shoes, but from the information given I suspect "Pita" knows exactly what she's doing.

Ever watch CSI?  There was an episode where a character, lab tech Hodges, tried to do this.  He brought lab results straight to the boss, instead of to the investigators assigned to the case.  When the boss asked him why he didn't give the results to his team, Hodges replied,  "Oh, (Boss), I couldn't find them; I guess they're taking another break.  But I thought you'd want to know right away..."

It's that attitude, the casual little comment, that's a deadly weapon in a workplace.  "Oh, I didn't want to bother her, she looked so overwhelmed, so I came to you" or "Gosh, I couldn't interrupt a phonecall from her son; it might have been important, and..."

"Pita" seems to be setting you up for a fall, in a totally passive-aggressive manner.  Document everything, and groom your approach to your boss's personality.  Maybe ask him to tell you when the meetings are, because Pita "is too kind to interrupt you" or something, but you really need to know X thing...

Just my two cents,

     - saphie

[Tabris]

I agree with t he previous advice. Reply with the entire text of the previous email exchange in the email, explain in no uncertain terms that you ARE to be included in meetings, and copy your supervisor.

You might also send your supervisor an email CC'd to Ms. PITA explaining that if Ms. PITA schedules a meeting without you, then supervisor is to immediately summon you to the meeting. This will be effective because the supervisor apparently hates conflict and you can imply that you will be generating plenty of conflict in the event that supervisor doesn't call you.

All polite and professional, of course, but definitely raise hell.

[Pixie]

I totally agree with what the others have said.  THIS is exactly why I quit a job I liked and was good at. Co-worker was stabbing me in the back and making it look like i wasn't doing my job.  About 80% of the people knew what she was doing, but the 20% who believed her made my job so difficult.  With my husband overseas just after 9/11, I didn't need the added stress and I quit.   

Within 2 weeks I was able to sleep through the night, the migraines went away, and my hair stopped falling out.  I've never been happier.

Nip it in the bud. Do not attempt to be nice or polite.... Business is business.  It may get ugly, but unless you put your foot down it will continue to get worse.  Back-stabbers do not suddenly turn nice... they just find new places to stick the knife.

[Clara Bow]

Yes, we have the same supervisor.  It's tricky though.  Our supervisor really can't handle conflict - she likes to believe that we're a jolly little team, and takes the shoot-the-messenger approach to bad news.

Ms PITA always frames her screw-ups as "just this once".  Just this once because I happened to be in the elevator with Boss and thought I'd bring it up then.  Just this once because I thought you were too busy and wouldn't want to be interrupted.  Just this once - oh, that's right, you said you wanted to be there, I guess I forgot!  That kind of thing.

Ack!!!!!

Having your supervisor call you in when Miss PITA is doing her thing is not confrontational, all she has to do is say "Let's get Wetblanket in here so she can present her half of the project, I'd like to hear what she has to say." CC your emails to your supervisor and insist that she handles it.

[wetblanket]

Thanks for your replies everyone.   

I tend to rather paranoid myself (hehe) so it's occurred to me that Ms. PITA knows exactly what she is doing.  She's done this sort of thing so many times.  I think she counts on other people not calling her on it, and that's her strategy.  Too bad she can't consider the strategy of actually learning how to do her job properly.

My plan is to give her three strikes and then get our supervisor involved.  If things get to that stage, I will tell my supervisor flat out that anything Ms. PITA says that I said is not necessarily accurate.  I will also just say nothing of any importance to Ms PITA during our one-on-one meetings and whip out all my good ideas when our boss is there to hear me talk about them.

During one meeting with our boss, I inadvertently managed to show up how Ms. PITA failed to do an important part of her job.  No doubt I made an enemy then, if not before, but it was nonetheless very satisfying.

[Tabris]

What do you have to gain by giving her three strikes? According to you, she's already used up three strikes three times over. Involve the supervisor NOW. She's already disregarded you once. Show her NOW, firmly and once and for all, decisively, that you will not tolerate her behavior.

Call her on it in an email to your supervisor. Insist the supervisor be entrusted with inviting you to meetings since Ms PITA continues to "forget" this as she has so many times in the past. Throw down the gauntlet here.

[DragonYoga]

I agree with Tabris.  She may well do worse before you can stop this, and obviously we don't want this problem to get any worse!

[wetblanket]

I completely see your point Tabris.  I'm going with three strikes from when I first emailed her about the issue.  For all the strikes before she'll counter with "But I didn't know you wanted to be included".  Some of the other strikes had to do with other projects, so that's another excuse she'll use. And our supervisor will totally buy those excuses.

Just another day in a dysfunctional workplace.  

[heathert]

Hi Wet,

How about sending an email to your boss asking her to please let you know whenever she's having a meeting with PITA because she is so sweet and obviously under a lot of stress since she keeps forgetting to tell you about them?   

Heather