Christmas family question

[theresa]

Usually we do Christmas Eve with dh's family, Christmas with mine. Due to circumstances we will not be attending MIL's Xmas EVE, rather she will come over the day before that. Part of the reason is we are not speaking to dh's brother due to some things he did to us and last year at her place went not well. So it will be just MIL coming over (she is widowed and BIL-we are not talking to and there is no other family on dh's side).
 
I am wondering if it would be rude to invite my parents over also. I was thinking we could do the gifts exchange with MIL at 1pm and have my family come when we are done that. I think if I am cooking anyway, why not?

However I don't know how MIL will view this. Will she think I am encroahing on the "jones" family party by inviting the "smiths''?

[LollyBee]

Ask her?  How recently was she widowed?  Becasue if it was recentlyish, will she feel left out with you & DH, & your parents being couples & her on her own?  But if she knows your parents & gets on with them, it would probably take away the reminder that BIL isn't there, & help it be an enjoyable time for you all.

[theresa]

She was widowed 8 years ago and she will be having BIL over Christmas Eve. I don't want to ask her because I do not get along with her and try to keep communication  to a minimum.

[Lisbeth]

I don't see any reason why you can't invite your family to your house.  It's your house-you get to decide who is invited.

If your MIL doesn't want to accept your invitation for any reason, it's her choice.  If she declines, I'd wish her a Merry Christmas and let it go at that.

[sammycat]

If your parents and MIL all get along with each other then I see no reason not to invite your parents on the day before Xmas Eve.  Alternatively, could your MIL come over on Christmas Day when your parents are present?  I understand what you are saying by not wanting to be seen as encroaching on your MIL's visit, but ultimately it's your house, and as long as everyone gets on, the you and DH can decide the guest list.

And good on you for setting boundaries by not visiting with your BIL after he treated badly.

[ZipTheWonder]

If everyone gets along well, why not ask?  But, it might also make sense to see if your parents would extend an invitation to your mother-in-law for Christmas Day, as well (though I guess she is spending that time with her other son??) 

[theresa]

I don't see any reason why you can't invite your family to your house.  It's your house-you get to decide who is invited.

If your MIL doesn't want to accept your invitation for any reason, it's her choice.  If she declines, I'd wish her a Merry Christmas and let it go at that.

Do you think I need to let her know beforehand?

[theresa]

If your parents and MIL all get along with each other then I see no reason not to invite your parents on the day before Xmas Eve.  Alternatively, could your MIL come over on Christmas Day when your parents are present?  I understand what you are saying by not wanting to be seen as encroaching on your MIL's visit, but ultimately it's your house, and as long as everyone gets on, the you and DH can decide the guest list.

And good on you for setting boundaries by not visiting with your BIL after he treated badly.

Yes MIL and my parents do get along. No my MIL already has Xmas day plans with friends but even still my family is 1.5 hours away.

[VorFemme]

Thinking a bit here.

Are there any traditions of playing games during family get togethers?   Could you start a new tradition?
I wouldn't play any games that are intended to be played by four people or an even number of people.......like, say, Bridge.  But Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, or something else that can be played by an odd number of people...........

Or you could let the other four play while you run in and out checking on the kids........not as much fun..........depends on the ages of the kids.  Or Bridge, but whoever was dummy last time gets replaced by the person who was sitting out.

Movies are also good - especially old favorites like It's A Wonderful Life, The Wizard of Oz, and similar CLASSICS.  The kids see them for the first time and the rest of you can "remember" the first time you saw it (parents, possibly in theater) or on tv (possibly in black & white). 

Offering popcorn, sodas, chocolate covered peanuts, hot chocolate, or something else as a snack while playing cards or watching movies would give you (or whoever) a quick reason to leave the room for a few minutes - if you (or DH) needs a minute or two alone.  Putting the kids down for a nap or to bed early works, too.

[theresa]

If everyone gets along well, why not ask?  But, it might also make sense to see if your parents would extend an invitation to your mother-in-law for Christmas Day, as well (though I guess she is spending that time with her other son??) 

My mom is doing Xmas day, not I. My parents live 90 minutes away and they have invited her other years and she usually declines. However she has plans with friends.

[theresa]

We don't play games, we eat and open presents then chat.

[VorFemme]

I found that my MIL doesn't do small talk or chatting very well.

If I sit there with needlework - knitting, quilting, or embroidery - the quiet breaks in conversation seemed to bother both of us less.  If we are sitting there, not talking without a movie or music playing..........she gets antsy.  Having the guys outside at the grill or in another room watching a sports event seems to leave her on edge.

She doesn't like cards or other games - so that was not an option.