Really big family Christmess....

[MomOf2Boys]

I honestly do not mean to be nasty or harsh. I feel so sorry for you. I also have sibs who refuse to obey laws. But my mother would not help them hide out from the police. If she did, I would not go near her. Things have a way of rubbing off on you, KWIM?
Good luck.

My parents have always been this way. They defend the boys to the very end and go to any lengths to do it. The funny thing is I have never gotten the same level of support even though I have never commited a crime, walked off and left my children or did any of the other charming things that my brothers are famous for.

[MomOf2Boys]

I think, from what you said, that you know some of the police officers personally?

Yes we know many of the local police officers personally but I wouldn't want to put them in any situation that might get them in trouble. If I knew where my brother was hiding I would go to one of them but my parents must suspect this because I am not being made aware of his location at all. I don't even know if he is still in town or if they have possibly moved him out of state.

[Tabris]

Momof2Boys--I just wanted to point out that while I feel the same as the poster you quoted, it wasn't me. My brother is a police officer himself. If he breaks the law, i don't know about it.

It's one of the unwritten laws in dysfunctional families that the parents seem to protect the ones who are worst-behaved. In "The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight," the narrator begins by talking about a group of brothers, all of whom were involved in crime, except for one who went to Columbia and graduated with honors. Naturally, the grandmother sobs when she tells people this and wonders what went wrong.

My husband's mother dotes on the black sheep of the family. The ones who are normal, hard-working, law-abiding, and successful get no attention or consideration from the parents because THOSE children's success at life highlights the failure of the others. So rather than saying, "These kids have made terrible mistakes," they say, "That one is making us look bad." They hammer down the one nail that's sticking up. It's very sad, but it seems to be holding true in your family.

[freakyfemme]

"I'm sorry, but we're planning on keeping it to immediate family only this year."  Lather, rinse, and repeat.

Seriously, if my parents had had the b@lls to say that (the filter's been kind of finicky lately), then my brother and I wouldn't have had to suffer through having FIVE consecutive Christmases ruined by Grandma Toxic and her manipulative and self-centred antics.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Momof2boys,

I completely agree with all the posters on here (you need to set bigger and better boundaries, dont go, etc.) but I personally would take it 1 step further on 2 counts.

1. you dont need to protect just your boys, you need to protect YOU and your husband too - the idea of the police thinking you are complicit in harboring a fugitive is NOT absurd.  Please dont take this to mean that you shouldnt protect your boys first, my only thought is that, if you justify your refusal to go to your mother's house because of the boys, if for some reason, they cant be used as the reason any more (they are away one christmas/they have grown up, etc) your mom sounds like the type of person to use that against you and make you feel guilty for not coming yourself.  And since you already have boundary/respect issues with her, I would hate to see you think that you should acquiese to her just because they are not around.  Thus I say, this needs to be a FAMILY decision.  

2.  For your own safety and peace of mind, I would suggest cutting off contact with this woman/family.  I do not mean to be presumptious about this, but it sounds like you are coming to that conclusion yourself, and I think it might be the best for you and your family (based on what you have posted here.  Each post shows more and more callousness in regards to her decisions and how they affect you).  Again, I dont want to sound presumptuous, and I typically am the first one to give people 2nd and 3rd and Nth chances, but this situation is truly bad.  It is NOT rude behavior toxic, it is not make-you-feel-bad/uncomfortable-everytime-you-see-them toxic (as most of the posts on here are).  This woman has put you and your family in danger by harboring a fugitive, and is doing it again.  This is a pattern of behavior supported by a strong belief system that she is showing and WILL NOT CHANGE.  I wouldnt expect her to take you and your family into consideration into her decisions, as she clearly has no concern for your safety.  

Please, please, please stay safe.  

[sammycat]

I echo what rdge just said.  Also, who is more important to you - your 2 innocent children and husband, or your 2 brothers who are wanted by the police and the mother who is willing to put them ahead of you?  I know that sounds very harsh, and I truly am not trying to be, and I'm sorry if I upset you by saying that.

ETA: I really, really hope this works out for you and that you, your DH and children are able to have a nice Christmas together, whether that's the just 4 of you, or including your parents if they are able to meet you somewhere neutral away from your brothers'.

[gjcva1]

agree with rdge and sammiecat....your responsibility is to your own family unit.  your mother has chosen to protect her sons at the expense of the rest of her family.  you would be completely justified to make the same decision regarding your sons.

if your parents want to see their grandsons, it will have to be in neutral places, so there is no suggestion of your brother(s) being anywhere around them, or you.  and bless your husband for his complete support of you!

[Morty'sCleaningLady]

I third the love of the phrase "Christmess"

Please keep your kids as far away from the house as possible!  Everyone who has commented on harbouring a fugitive is correct.  What if you are hauled to jail (unlikely, I know)? Then Dept of Child Services could get involved. 

I also want to say that I think you are an amazing mother to quit your job for your kiddies' safety.  That couldn't have been an easy decision, but those children need to be kept out of this.

As an alternative suggestion, why not skip Christmas with your parents this year?  Take your husband, the kiddos and your recently divorced Uncle/Step-father and create a new tradition.  On the night / afternoon of your Mom's party, head to a light display or volunteer at Toys for Tots or go out to dinner.  With the right, festive attitude, driving through some well lit neighborhoods and a Frosty at Wendy's can be an awesome outing!

[gjcva1]

I also want to say that I think you are an amazing mother to quit your job for your kiddies' safety.  That couldn't have been an easy decision, but those children need to be kept out of this.

Mrs. Bart, you are so on target with the above.  i missed it in my reading.  this is an excellent indication of just how dedicated this wonderful mom is to her sons, probably with the support of her awesome husband.  her mother could take a lesson from her daughter.

and i loved your alternative Christmas celebrations!