Concert v Party

[Sock Puppet]

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[gollymolly2]

She was being passive aggressive and annoying, and I think it would have been appropriate for you to say SOMETHING (maybe: "I'm sorry I'm not able to make it to your party. I bought flights to this concert months ago, and it's too late to rearrange my plans.") but I think what you said was pretty rude.


I know some people will say you could have avoided this by not giving her a reason in the first place (just saying "I'm afraid I can't make it" without explaining why), but it sounds like she would have hounded you about it anyway and you would have ended up in the same place, so I'm definitely not going to fault you for telling her you were going to a concert anyway.

[JonGirl]

Not rude at all.

[Outdoor Girl]

If that had been your response the first time she brought it up that you were missing her party for some concert, I'd think it was a little rude.

But as a response after months of PA badgering?  I think it was appropriate as a shut down line to get her to STOP talking about it.

[Giggity]

I can't imagine going to a co-worker's engagement party even if I had nothing else to do, so I vote not rude.

On a side note: when did getting engaged become a party event?

[Elfqueen13]

I can't imagine going to a co-worker's engagement party even if I had nothing else to do, so I vote not rude.

On a side note: when did getting engaged become a party event?

Around 1850, I think.

[Giggity]

Color me surprised! I've never even heard of such a thing.

[Brandydan]

I can't imagine going to a co-worker's engagement party even if I had nothing else to do, so I vote not rude.

On a side note: when did getting engaged become a party event?

POD

Plus, the Sally was only working in the office for a few months; hardly enough time to get close enough to the rest of the staff to consider them more than coworkers or acquaintances.

[CreteGirl]

Lulupop, you were not a bit rude, not at all!!  Some people might consider it "just a concert", but it was something that you were really looking forward to, and had already made travel arrangements to attend.

Even if the concert were in your city and you did not have to travel to attend, you would have been just fine to keep your plans to attend.  An invitation is not a summons, which is how Sally was treating it.

And the probelm I have with this is that Sally made the judgement call that "some concert" was an unimportant event, when to you it was very important.  Who is she to decide what is or is not important in your life??

You were fine, Sally was a jerk.

[Shoo]

I can't imagine going to a co-worker's engagement party even if I had nothing else to do, so I vote not rude.

On a side note: when did getting engaged become a party event?

POD

Plus, the Sally was only working in the office for a few months; hardly enough time to get close enough to the rest of the staff to consider them more than coworkers or acquaintances.

This is what I was thinking!  She's fairly presumptuous, isn't she? 

[Venus193]

Sally sounds like a pouting brat and undoubtedly the rest of the office saw that even if they never said anything.   Your response after all that P/A crap from her is very understandable.

I'll second the vote for "presumptuous" as well.  She's a new co-worker, not a close friend or relative.

[Orisha]

I agree, not rude.  Maybe a tad harsh and defnitely rude if she hadn't been so obnoxious, but I wonder if Emily Post wouldn't have snapped at Sally.  In addition to the other points previous posters have made, Sally made the rather self-centered notion that others' lives should center around her impending marriage.

[Twik]

There comes a point where if she "jokes" about "party or concert", you can "joke" back.

[Amava]

What you told her, was the simple truth.
You didn't tell her anything she didn't know yet. After all, if you had wanted to choose the party, you would have; but you chose the concert, so it was already clear that "the concert wins, hands down".
(And I agree with you. I wouldn't have canceled my plans either.)

What she was trying to do, by bringing it up over and over again, was guilt and shame you, trying to make you feel uncomfortable about your decision. Coming quite close to bullying, actually. By giving her a clear answer once again to all her passive-agressiveness, you showed her that no, you were not feeling guilty or ashamed for not going to her party, especially not after the way she had been behaving about it.

That is a good thing. You showed her that her harping on it was not doing her any favours, on the contrary. Sometimes, this is needed.

[RooRoo]

She made a remark to which you responded by repeating her words with a different emphasis.

I might be able to take points off for the heavy sarcasm and the "Always will," but I won't. I suspect that I would have gone further over the line. Much further, since my habit is to stuff my feelings until I can't stand it anymore, and them blow up. I've gotten much better, but it still happens now and then.

People can be so blind. It's not just "some concert" when you have taken vacation time for it, and are going out of town to see it. I can think of some performers I'd do that for. Have done that for.

I hope you had a great time at the concert.

Ruthie