Announcing your divorce on Facebook

[RedRuby]

It feels a bit odd to me but I don't see anything wrong with it.

[Lisbeth]

For something major like that, I'd tell those closest to me in person first (or over the phone) before I'd announce by Facebook.  That way I'm not catching anyone by surprise who'd need to hear it directly first.

[kandikrisp]

I did sort of use this type of thing last year. My exboyfriend and I broke up kind of suddenly (or it seemed to me) and it actually took a few people that were close to me and knew just how badly we were doing by surprise. Someone who knew I was supposed to be hanging out with him that day texted me and asked how it was going. It hurt, a lot, to be reminded that day. We'd been down for so long I knew it was pretty final, so I changed my facebook status (since he didn't have one, so I was listed as married to a friend of mine because the half of my school that wasn't under the impression that I was glued to the hip with my ex thought that friend and I were dating, and we were amused since he'd come out freshman year.) to "Kandikrisp is single..."

I had a few people text and asked what had happened, and the rest of my friends just let it go. Once word spread, everyone knew that ex was *not* a subject to be discussed without me having to go over it a thousand times, and putting people in the awkward position of asking, "How's it going with BF?" and then feeling like they put their foot in their mouth when I discussed the newly added "ex" prefix to his title.

I'm aware that it's something that some people wouldn't totally approve of, but I do think that it's something that works for making it known and let go.

[Elle]

It seems to be a logical way to disseminate the information to a lot of people in your circle quickly.

[blarg314]

I wouldn't do it for close family - I'd tell parents and children and siblings and best friends personally, in advance. I would also do it at an appropriate stage, not immediately after the decision, but when the couple is physically separating and working on paperwork.

But for a wider circle of friends and acquaintances, if done tactfully, it seems a logical way of getting the information out quickly.

[the Wyffe]

It's a good way of catching wider acquaintance, although I wouldn't do it myself.

Also, I'd say ok if just done as stated, to let people know.

Not ok if done in one of those 'look at me look at me' feed-the-drama status updates designed to get maximum responses.

[Aeris]

divorce should be handled with introspection and there should be some sort of grieving period (for lack of a better word) where both parties give themselves a breather and spend some private time thinking of their next steps in life

It's entirely possible that the OPs acquaintance has already been through that process and the next step was letting everone know the result.

About two years ago my office was going through a bunch of break ups. 3 longterm rel@tionships/marriages were dissolved. There was an initial time while the break up was happening or shortly afterward where people wanted to keep it to themselves, but at some point it's nice if the word gets out so people don't keep asking what you and your partner did for 'holiday' or how partner is doing. No drama, just dissemination of information.

Exactly. There's no evidence that there wasn't introspection and a grieving period, etc. It does not sound like the posting itself was flippant or casual. Facebook is a forum for disseminating information about yourself and your life, major developments, etc. This certainly qualifies as a major development. The information will have to be disseminated somehow, and without this it's left to awkward word of mouth (that can feel obnoxiously like gossip when you're involved, even if it's not really gossip), or to having to have 'a moment' with each sundry casual friend to 'break the news'.

Word of mouth dissemination of *happy* news is passed along easily, quickly, and with pleasure. This news generally is not.

This honestly seems to me like an exceptionally good way to reduce awkwardness all around, particularly in the manner it was handled.

Anyway, it isn't real til it's on Facebook.

[WestAussieGirl]

I've been on the receiving end of enough "we're separated/getting a divorce/broken up" conversations to be very glad if someone broke the news to me via FB.  Every time it's happened I've felt awful for putting the person into an uncomfortable situation (even though I couldn't have known).

I don't think it's appropriate to publish it until all of the inner-circle know though.

[bopper]

I would imagine that is away to tell many people and not to have to do it in person where you get "Why? What happened?"

[Cz. Burrito]

Exactly. There's no evidence that there wasn't introspection and a grieving period, etc. It does not sound like the posting itself was flippant or casual. Facebook is a forum for disseminating information about yourself and your life, major developments, etc. This certainly qualifies as a major development. The information will have to be disseminated somehow, and without this it's left to awkward word of mouth (that can feel obnoxiously like gossip when you're involved, even if it's not really gossip), or to having to have 'a moment' with each sundry casual friend to 'break the news'.

Word of mouth dissemination of *happy* news is passed along easily, quickly, and with pleasure. This news generally is not.

This honestly seems to me like an exceptionally good way to reduce awkwardness all around, particularly in the manner it was handled.

Anyway, it isn't real til it's on Facebook.

I agree with all of this (especially the last line  ).  The introspection period almost certainly was well underway before the final decision to divorce, and, in all likelihood, the grieving period as well.   It's not like people just wake up one day and decide to get divorced.  Most people do not make this decision lightly, and it is up to them to grieve and introspect in their own way on their own timeline.  If they are announcing it on Facebook, that means that they have reached the point where they are comfortable sharing this information, which is all that should matter.  Imagine the awkwardness felt if you happen upon an acquaintance and ask after his wife.  Letting people know about the divorce in a low pressure, non-awkward announcement on Facebook seems like a really good way of handling it.  

[Honeypickle]

I don't think this is rude - it appears to have been a bald statement of fact. But, although not rude, it does seem rather sad to me. 

[jaxsue]

In my case I'll just change "married" to "single," with no announcement. My family, as well as DH's, who are my FB friends, all know.
That's the best way I can think of to deal with it. Honestly, how many people check on their friends' status'?

it does seem rather sad to me.

Yes, it's sad. But life often doesn't turn out the way we want. I never pictured myself divorcing. It was a huge decision, very anguishing, and life...happens.

[Aeris]

In my case I'll just change "married" to "single," with no announcement. My family, as well as DH's, who are my FB friends, all know.
That's the best way I can think of to deal with it. Honestly, how many people check on their friends' status'?

Well, the relationship status change line will show up in people's newsfeeds if they log on recently after you change it. I would prepare yourself emotionally for some people, 10 minutes after you change your FB status, PMing you with "What happened!!?!?". Just be prepared for your own sake - have some sort of response ready so that you aren't emotionally caught off guard by it.

[jaxsue]

In my case I'll just change "married" to "single," with no announcement. My family, as well as DH's, who are my FB friends, all know.
That's the best way I can think of to deal with it. Honestly, how many people check on their friends' status'?

Well, the rel@tionship status change line will show up in people's newsfeeds if they log on recently after you change it. I would prepare yourself emotionally for some people, 10 minutes after you change your FB status, PMing you with "What happened!!?!?". Just be prepared for your own sake - have some sort of response ready so that you aren't emotionally caught off guard by it.

I didn't realize.

What would you do in my situation? I won't be married at that point, but I'm not trolling for a man on FB either.

[Aeris]

In my case I'll just change "married" to "single," with no announcement. My family, as well as DH's, who are my FB friends, all know.
That's the best way I can think of to deal with it. Honestly, how many people check on their friends' status'?

Well, the rel@tionship status change line will show up in people's newsfeeds if they log on recently after you change it. I would prepare yourself emotionally for some people, 10 minutes after you change your FB status, PMing you with "What happened!!?!?". Just be prepared for your own sake - have some sort of response ready so that you aren't emotionally caught off guard by it.

I didn't realize.

What would you do in my situation? I won't be married at that point, but I'm not trolling for a man on FB either.

Honestly? I would just go ahead and do what you're doing. Just having a stock response will be easier on you emotionally though, if you're prepared for some reaction from some people.