Facebook Funeral Invite

[libraryliz]

One of my friends recently expressed his surprise that after the death of his aunt, he received a facebook invite to her funeral from her daughter (his cousin).  Of course he expressed his surprise in a facebook status update with a hastily tacked on RIP Aunt XXX in it (which also struck me as a bit off).

Am I old fashioned here?  I couldn't help that thinking if I were to die, I would not want my funeral coordinated by facebook.  I know that often memorial services are mentioned in the newspaper.  Is facebook just replacing the newspaper or is that cheapening someone's death?  (Usually I get facebook invites to pub crawls NOT funerals.)

So I wanted ehell's opinion: Not that different than a newspaper announcement?  Or something that would be best left to a more private sphere (emails seem better to me, an announcement in the church bulletin, that sort of thing)?

Edited to change the title from advice to invite.  Oops!

[jimithing]

Was it sent in message form? You can PM people on FB. If that's the case, I don't see anything wrong with it. I have never received an official invitation for a funeral. It's always been word of mouth, etc.

I actually think this would be a good way to get the information out there.

[kareng57]

I'm not a Facebook nut either - but yes, I think it could simply be a sign of the times.  Whether or not I like it, it's a fact that these days it's the prime communication method for a lot of people.

Lots of people will look at Facebook much more readily than they'll pick up a newspaper.

[kherbert05]

Is the friend reachable by other methods? I have some younger cousins that don't answer the phone, don't answer Texted from family members, when their father was hospitalized - we had to contact them through FB. One got a direct message to call our uncle NOW because of a family emergency. The other we contacted a friend that was local to her through facebook and the friend told her in person.

[Surianne]

I've been invited to a few memorials via Facebook and didn't see anything off about it.  I think with a funeral in particular it's time sensitive and so sometimes the easiest way of reaching someone is the best. 

RIP Aunt X in the status update wouldn't bother me either.  I wouldn't do it personally because I'm very private, but some people take comfort when their friends post replies saying "Sorry about your Aunt, she's in my prayers" or whatever.  I've seen at least 4 different Facebook friends post "RIP" or "Remembering X" statuses in the past year. 

[Miss Charlotte]

Personally, I find announcements like this distasteful.


However, I totally see the pps points, in that some people can are easier to get a hold of on facebook, it is more convenient, etc.

[Ceallach]

Honestly, I think this is a good idea.

It can be hard to "spread the word" about when and where the funeral is.  Anything that assists in that communication, in the brief interim between death and burial, is helpful IMHO.  It's a horrible time, and the information needs to be passed as quickly and simply as possible.  Of course, anybody particularly close to the deceased should be informed in person. But facebook is an ideal location for communicating funeral information, as long as it is posted privately.


(Most people I know do not read the newspaper anymore - we all read the news online - so wouldn't see a newspaper funeral notice).

[MadMadge43]

Facebook has most definitely replaced newspapers for personal announcements in my world.

It's faster, easier, greener and less tedious than reading announcements in newspapers. Also, much more specific. (Seriously, my mom was the last person I knew who read obituaries every day and she's dead now too)

I think we all need to get over the idea that FB and other mediums like this, (twitter for example) are less appropriate than the traditional ones.

Once again, Bob Dillon's in my head, and the times are changing.

[libraryliz]

That's true most people don't read newspapers.  Actually my mom made a comment about making a special trip to the store for a paper to see someone's obituary.  I don't think I would have blinked had it been done in a private message or even done in a note with the appropriate people tagged.  However this was an invite to an event that had been created, so it would show up in their status if you accept or decline, as in Joe is attending X's funeral.  That was the odder part to me.

I can get how it can be the most effective way to communicate.  It was just brand new to me and I was curious as to what ehell thought.

[MadMadge43]

Libraryliz,

I think a general post would be fine. Once again, it used to be put in newspapers so everybody could see it, so a post is fine. (Unless of course it's a private funeral, but even then people would want to know it's happening)

I can see how they would have created it as an event. Unfortunately, events on FB always have a rsvp automated. I would have ignored this option for this type of event.

Obviously, while the times are changing, there is still a lot of details to be worked out.

[marcel]

But I do not think there is such a thing as a funeral invite. There is a death notice, which includes information about when and where the funeral is, but that is not an invite.
An invite to a funeral, would only work if it is a closed event where you want to exclude people from coming, which is usually not the case.

[MadMadge43]

Marcel,

I agree. Funerals are open to anyone (unless they are private). I can see however how some people would think that it was an "event" hence the event notice. That's why I thought a general post would be best, but then those are easy to miss.

Once again, I think it's a new territory and new technology that is still being figured out, so I wouldn't ever feel offended by this stuff.

Of course, Ehell would maybe be the place that comes up with these new standards. I can't think of a better place to figure it out.

[Becca]

But I do not think there is such a thing as a funeral invite. There is a death notice, which includes information about when and where the funeral is, but that is not an invite.
An invite to a funeral, would only work if it is a closed event where you want to exclude people from coming, which is usually not the case.

Yes, this.  A boy I went to elementary school with suddenly died of a drug overdose this past summer, and I found out through Facebook.  I mean, yes, I read the newspaper, but I don't generally check the obituaries, and why would I?  After all, people my age aren't "supposed" to die.  The only difference was, this was done properly--some friends of the deceased (let's call him S) sent a private message to everyone on his Facebook friends list, and invited everyone to join a memorial group for him.  Then, when the details of the funeral were hammered out, they both sent them by PM to everyone, and posted them in the Facebook group.  Come the day of the funeral, there was a huge turnout, and it was a really beautiful service......I mean, I'm still bummed out that S died, because he was probably the nicest person in the whole school--everyone else teased me, but he didn't.  I saw him on a city bus last winter, and he started talking about the "good old days" at Braindead Elementary (okay, the school wasn't called that, but I think that nickname suits it).  I confessed that I didn't HAVE very many Braindead memories, because I didn't have any friends, and he replied, "That's not true, Becca, I was your friend."  After that, I added him to my Facebook......we didn't talk much, but it was just nice knowing that there was someone like him in the world.  It's sad that S died, but I'm glad that I got to be there to "say goodbye" in a way.  Also, ever since the funeral, I've been back in semi-regular contact with some other people from that school, so it's almost as if people are FINALLY picking up on S's example of kindness and acceptance that he tried to impart to us when we were kids.........and Marcel, you have it spot on--S wouldn't have wanted to exclude anyone.

[audrey1962]

In 1998 a close friend of mine died. His parents notified everyone by phone. I almost missed the funeral because the message was given to my 14 year old brother, who didn't bother to write it down or even tell me.

IMO, when it comes to funerals, the content of the message is more important than the medium in which it is delivered. I would much rather hear about a funeral via an informal method than risk missing it. I also believe it is much easier to notify a mass group of people via FB than to make individual phone calls. Grieving friends and relatives have enough to do, anything that can simplify the process for them is okay with me.

[FoxPaws]

There are some small towns in Texas where it is still customary to go around to the local businesses and post funeral notices. These are small flyers that are posted at the cash register or receptionist's desk giving the where and when details for the service. This is most often done in communities where the newspaper is published weekly instead of daily.

As PPs have pointed out, the idea is to get the information out to the most people in the shortest amount of time. Facebook is a good channel for that.