Facebook Funeral Invite

[TootsNYC]

Funerals happen FAST, usually.

This may seem informal for such a momentous occasion, but I think it's OK.

Facebook is actually replacing the *phone,* not the newspaper.

[Hushabye]

People are also becoming more spread out these days.  I haven't lived in the same town as many of my high school classmates since I graduated, and I'm certainly not the only one to spread out.  I would have to follow newspapers in multiple cities in multiple states to catch all of the potential death notices and I just don't have the time or inclination to do so.

A friend from my class passed away when we were sophomores in college, which was just a couple of years after the advent of Facebook, back when your network was your college and they hadn't opened it up to all colleges yet either.  We spread the word via phone that time because it wasn't possible to do so via Facebook, but I could see us using it now because the networks are a lot more open and you can be friends with people outside your school (or outside a university period).

As Toots said, with funerals, you're dealing with a tight, tight time schedule (I found out Saturday morning about his death and was on a plane Monday afternoon to *just* make the viewing and funeral the next day).  I'd hate to see people miss out on an opportunity to say goodbye to a friend or loved one because the manner of disseminating news about his or her death was deemed unworthy of the occasion.

[Becca]

Oh, I forgot to mention, with S's funeral, his friends actually incorporated Facebook into the event, by taking all the comments and pictures that people had posted on the Facebook group, and making a PowerPoint presentation of them......and S's family's church (where the funeral was held) had a cool minister who was completely fine with that, so without Facebook, that funeral might not have been as unique and personal to S as it could have been--I mean, judging by the number of people who knew S, and friended him on Facebook later, and joined the group after he died, and shared memories and pictures and whatnot, S touched a LOT of lives over the course of his young life, and it turned out that Facebook was the perfect way to illustrate that.

[Surianne]

Becca: what a great idea!  The slideshow sounds really sweet.  I'm sorry about the loss of your friend S.

A few years ago a friend of mine from university was killed at age 25, and I found out through Facebook.  Her memorial Facebook group is still going strong and we post there on her birthday every year. 

[jimithing]

You know, I'm not sure if I would be OK with actually finding out someone relatively close to me had died, via FB. But I don't find putting funeral details on FB problematic.

[Wry Exchange]

You know, I'm not sure if I would be OK with actually finding out someone relatively close to me had died, via FB. But I don't find putting funeral details on FB problematic.

My husband's mother passed away last week.  Facebook was the quickest way to ensure relatives and friends knew.  It's tough trying to keep track of where everyone is the week between Christmas and New Year's.  I thought it was tacky at first, but I got over that quickly.  So many people from far away reached out to my husband and his family through Facebook.

[kherbert05]

Facebook and other sites are actually developing policies to deal with the death of a member.

 I agree that getting the word out is important - after those that need to be told in person are told. (Example when Dad passed away we called an Uncle that lived near Nanna. He went over and told her in person (we live in Texas they were on PEI). )

Communication is changing. People don't read papers as much. Phone numbers can go bad.

About a year after Mom passed, we got a call from a friend of her's that had been trying to get hold of her. She was upset she hadn't been contacted when mom died. We had asked people from that circle of friends to call everyone. They got hold of many people from the lab where they had all worked (Mom quit in 1967 so long time ago). We knew she wasn't local anymore so thought she just couldn't make it. A couple of people later mentioned that they had tried to call her - but got an irritated man instead. Turns out she lived in an area that added a new area code and hers had changed. This is why when I get a number from someone that insists the number they are using is correct. I suggest they try the other two area codes.

[familyfun]

I agree that people close to the deceased (parents, siblings, close friends etc) should be notified in person or by phone if possible.  But there's nothing wrong with facebook.  We had a situation in my family where a premature baby died.  The parents were beyond devastated. Siblings of each communicated the information of the funeral via Facebook.  Most of us notified had already known the situation was bad, so the death wasn't a suprise.  I think it probably saved the parents and the aunts/uncles from having to go through it over and over again with each phone call.  They were dealing with quite a lot so I see nothing wrong with using Facebook to communicate the info.  Those of us on Facebook who weren't as closely related offered to contact the relatives who weren't on Facebook, which they took us up on.

[Twik]

Depends on the closeness. Obviously, it would be (in most families) atrocious to let a parent, sibling or child find out about the death of a loved one over FB. However, I don't see any real difference between spreading the word among more distant connections by FB, newspaper or telephone chain.

And no, one doesn't normally issue "invitations" to funerals.