The Blame Game

[freakyfemme]

Hey all,

This is a new game I just made up.....basically, it's a combination of the Clod Challenge and the Pushover game, and it was inspired by a bunch of recent threads on this board, namely the one about the unhelpful flight attendants.  The object of the Blame Game is as follows:  One poster describes a (fictional) situation where people were rude to them, and they bent over backwards to try to make it right, mind their manners, keep their cool to keep the peace, etc., and then everyone else has to come up with ways that the OP (of that scenario, that is) was rude, or the taken-advantage-of person in the story.  Bonus points if it's outlandish, far-fetched, and completely illogical.  I'll go first:

I'm throwing a holiday party for the neighbours, and no sooner did I send out the invitations than my best friend called me and notified me of a VERY ugly rift between Betty and Martha, because for her wedding, Betty bought Martha a set of bath towels that were WHITE, when Martha had SPECIFICALLY requested ECRU towels on her registry, goshdarnit!!!  So anyway, since I couldn't retract either invitation at this point, and both Betty and Martha RSVP'ed "yes," without knowing the other had done the same, there was no way around it. 

So, come the evening of the party, I just fixed all of everybody's favourite h'or d'ouevres and desserts, and set up identical buffets in different rooms of the house (one in the living room, one in the family room), with music, DDR and Jenga for people who wanted it, and "worked the party" by strategically floating from one room to the next, tag-teaming with my husband.  All the guests mingled and socialized as they pleased, but if either my husband or myself saw ANY iminent contact between Betty and Martha coming, we'd instantly go and distract both of them (separately, of course), by striking up a conversation about the latest article we saw in Obsessed Housewife Magazine.  We managed to do this without neglecting ANY other guests, of course--if we saw any of them looking hungry, or thirsty, or bored, we'd make sure they had their drinks and snacks refilled, and asked them all about their kid's latest hockey triumph, their latest home-renovation project, and the validity of the "no white after Labour Day" rule.  However.....just as Betty and Martha were about to leave, things got UGLY.  It turns out that Martha was, ahh, slightly inebriated (we'd tried to make sure nobody overindulged, but alas, she's a lightweight), and she saw Betty and her husband walking to their car.  Well, I guess old grudges die hard, because she hauled off and PUNCHED the poor woman right in the face!!! 

Of course, Betty was too classy to fight back, which compelled Martha to refer to her as a "goody-two-shoes," and call her upbringing into question.....it so happened, Betty had attended Snobbington Academy for Girls, and then went to Wellesley where she pledged Phi Beta Pearls, and graduated magna cum laude (all on a napkin-folding scholarship, no less!!!); whereas Martha went to public school from kindergarten through OAC, then ended up at Guinness University (Wasn't there a beer called that?  No, it's not a coincidence, they're the school's chief sponsor), and was a member of Beta Sigma Booze.  Sure, she didn't graduate right at the end of four years, but she finished eventually, because her parents just kept sending the school more money!!!  And after all, as the Guinness sponsors convinced the principal, there was no sense flunking a student who was as proficient at flip-cup as Martha was.  (For those of you who don't know, flip-cup is a drinking game that involves flipping one's empty cup over by putting it halfway on the table and flicking it over with one hand, then putting it back the right way and taking a shot after one has successfully flipped the cup).  But anyway, Martha graduated, cuss it all to tarnation!!!  She finished university TOO, cuss it all to tarnation!!!  So, she's JUST as good as that stuck-up Betty!!!

Anyway, while Betty was nursing her bleeding nose and swollen lip, Martha noticed that one of her fake fingernails had fallen off and gotten lost in the snow.  At this, she became LIVID, and threatened to sue Betty for the cost of the manicure she'd gotten especially for the party.  Now the whole set is RUINED, because she'd paid extra to have images of Santa and his nine reindeer appliqueed to her nails, and now Dasher is missing!!!  Or, was it Dancer?  Well, who cares?!?!?  The Female Dog must PAY!!!  First thing Monday morning, Martha SWORE she was going to get on the phone with that lawyer, what's his name?  Well, Betty must know, he acted for her that one time when Martha's son got hold of his dad's flamethrower and "accidentally" torched her garage.  He must be good, too, because poor Ptraghvyss (that's pronounced "Travis," the P, G and H are silent--just think, it's like "pterodactyl," except with more superflous letters) is STILL doing community service five years later, the poor thing.  It's not like he knew any better, he was only 18 at the time!!!  So yeah, as SOON as Betty was willing to cough up the name of that lawyer, by gosh, Martha swore she'd be on that phone faster than you can say "wilfull arson."

Okay, E-Hellions.....blame away!!!

[Clara Bow]

You know I am always appalled when people use this site to justify their own rude behavior...
YOU are liable for the broken nail as it occured on your property. You are also liable for repaying that poor woman for the gifts she bought and the groceries for the holiday meal and her hair, nails and outfit as your horrible apathy toward the traumatic experience of her breaking her nail on your property will probably ruin her Christmas.
And another thing, Miss Holier Than Thou, what gives you the right to talk about where they went to college and how they paid for it? That's none of your business and it's prejudicial to boot! You've no right to make judgements based on their sororities either. I find your elitist behavior to be hand in glove with racial profiling.
Lastly, having your husband do your job as hostess is odious in the extreme and I can't believe that you think that letting him do half of your job was in any way acceptable. YOU are the hostess, Miss Party Pants and you have to be in twenty places at once. Period, there is no argument. If you can't live up to those standards then I suggest you hold your next party at the McDonald's so that everyone will know just how much class you don't have.
Now, on to my story.
I was in the bank yesterday depositing money into the charity account I run for orphans when a man shoved past me in line to get to the teller. As I was in a rush to get back to the soup kitchen and drop off a sack of clothes at the homeless shelter I was a little miffed but I kept my cool. I politely told him that I was there first and he swore at me very loudly and threatened me with bodily harm. I was nice about it though and I gave him ten dollars to excuse my rude assumption that because I was there first I should get to go first. He then robbed the bank. Well the poor boy had these heavy bags full of money so I carried them to his car for him. My question is this...was it rude for the police to hurl me on the ground like they did?

[Shoo]

Freaky, you're just too good at this! 

You're skeering me!!

[freakyfemme]

Freaky, you're just too good at this! 

You're skeering me!!

Thanks   But.....doesn't anyone else want to play?  Or, should I go back to my old standbys of The Clod Challenge and The Snarking Game?

[smarterthanu213]

OH GOOD HEAVENS PEOPLE. The ENTIRE party fiasco between Betty and Martha was ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT, Mrs. DontKnowHowToBeAHostess. First of all, Betty and Martha WERE YOUR FRIENDS. How on earth could you let Betty buy white towels??? SHAME ON YOU.

Second, you should have prevented them both from showing up at the same party AT ALL COSTS. What kind of friend are you, anyway??? You should have thrown yourself off the roof of your house while putting up Christmas decorations and spent the next fifteen days in the hospital. Then none of this would have happened. A good hostess ALWAYS anticipates the needs of her guests. And that includes the needs to keep one away from another.

And if, because of some inexcusable lack of etiquette, you had FAILED to break enough bones to permanently suspend the holiday party, you should have ensured that neither would even see the other. This could have been done one of three ways: (1) Tainting the beverage of the first to arrive with ExLax, thus allowing her to immediately remove herself from the party, (2) Luring one upstairs to show them the to-die-for new [insert thing here] that you just bought and then trapping her in the room, or (3) Hiring a hit man.

But now you have no choice but to sue your husband for ever allowing you to have the party in the first place. Take him for all he's worth, honey, and move to another state. Betty and Martha will become so engrossed in gossipping about your drama that they will forget how much they hate each other.

[freakyfemme]

OH GOOD HEAVENS PEOPLE. The ENTIRE party fiasco between Betty and Martha was ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT, Mrs. DontKnowHowToBeAHostess. First of all, Betty and Martha WERE YOUR FRIENDS. How on earth could you let Betty buy white towels??? SHAME ON YOU.

Second, you should have prevented them both from showing up at the same party AT ALL COSTS. What kind of friend are you, anyway??? You should have thrown yourself off the roof of your house while putting up Christmas decorations and spent the next fifteen days in the hospital. Then none of this would have happened. A good hostess ALWAYS anticipates the needs of her guests. And that includes the needs to keep one away from another.

And if, because of some inexcusable lack of etiquette, you had FAILED to break enough bones to permanently suspend the holiday party, you should have ensured that neither would even see the other. This could have been done one of three ways: (1) Tainting the beverage of the first to arrive with ExLax, thus allowing her to immediately remove herself from the party, (2) Luring one upstairs to show them the to-die-for new [insert thing here] that you just bought and then trapping her in the room, or (3) Hiring a hit man.

But now you have no choice but to sue your husband for ever allowing you to have the party in the first place. Take him for all he's worth, honey, and move to another state. Betty and Martha will become so engrossed in gossipping about your drama that they will forget how much they hate each other.

Wouldn't it have been easier just to go out and buy a set of ecru bath towels, wrap them up, and put a tag on them that says "To Martha, from Betty," and sneak them onto Martha's porch the night before the party?  I'm pretty sure that deliberately crippling oneself to necessitate the cancellation of one's own party is against etiquette, and trapping/Ex-Laxing people and hiring hit men is against federal law, and therefore, EXTREMELY RUDE as well.  Oh, and maybe a little something for Ptraghvyss wouldn't be a bad idea either, it must be SUCH a downer for him to have to spend Christmas Eve volunteering in the burn ward at the hospital.  What's that new video game called?  "Unbridled Crime Spree in an Expensive Stolen Sports Car With Absolutely No Consequences, Part Three?"  I think he'd like that.

Edited to add:  I just got an e-vite from Martha.  Apparently, she found the name of the lawyer, and his fees must have been a little steep, because we're all subpoena'ed (sorry, INVITED) to attend her Lawsuit Shower.

[smarterthanu213]

Oh heavens, I nearly spit milk at the computer when I saw the words "lawsuit shower."

And I think that Poor Ptraghvyss would have preferred "Demon Child on a Crime Spree due to Lack of Consequences Throughout Poor, Miserable, Crime-Laden Life"

And if you had wrapped the ecru towels and put them on Martha's porch...what if she always left by the back door? And what if her anger was fueled anyway by the inherent tardiness of the towels and, therefore, her resolve was renewed to bring Betty down with a vengeance?

But really, dear, throwing yourself off the roof would have saved everyone else quite a bit of time and trouble.

[Clara Bow]

If she had any couth she waould leave a set of towels on both porches as a good hostess plans for every contingency.

[smarterthanu213]

And what if she beams herself through the roof? Or has some unknown door-phobia and always leaves through a window? Are you going to cover every square foot of the outside of her house with wrapped ecru towels from Betty? I think not.

A good hostess sacrifices herself for the sake of her guests. Thus, freakyfemme's best course of action was to throw herself off the roof, as I have maintained all along.

[sammycat]

Really, freaky, the correct course of action in this case would have been to hold two completely separate parties on separate days, this negating the chance of Betty and Martha even meeting at all.  If you're not prepared to to go to trouble of hosting two parties just what kind of friend are you??!!, I mean, how much trouble is to make two lots of party food from scratch, buy extra drinks, and clean the house from top to bottom each time, in case someone wishes to rummage through all your drawers and cupboards at their leisure?

And the lawsuit shower?  I certainly hope Martha is not intending to throw it for herself!!!!  Seeing as it is all your fault that she has a lawsuit, the very least you can do is throw it for her yourself.

[freakyfemme]

Really, freaky, the correct course of action in this case would have been to hold two completely separate parties on separate days, this negating the chance of Betty and Martha even meeting at all.  If you're not prepared to to go to trouble of hosting two parties just what kind of friend are you??!!, I mean, how much trouble is to make two lots of party food from scratch, buy extra drinks, and clean the house from top to bottom each time, in case someone wishes to rummage through all your drawers and cupboards at their leisure?

And the lawsuit shower?  I certainly hope Martha is not intending to throw it for herself!!!!  Seeing as it is all your fault that she has a lawsuit, the very least you can do is throw it for her yourself.

No, no.....the Lawsuit Shower is being held by Martha's twin sister, Marcia, who has a son named Ptreghfvorr (pronounced Trevor).  Martha would NEVER be so uncouth as to throw her own shower, so she's, ahh, "strongly encouraging" her sister to do it instead, by throwing the usual "don't you caaaaaare about your siiiiiiister?!?!?!?!" tantrum, and threatening to disown her.  Of course, Marcia said yes before it got too bad, which is a good thing, because it so happens that Marcia is known all over town for the wonderful Lawsuit Showers she's thrown for all of her and Martha's friends.  Did you know that she has a recipe for the most delightful petits fours with Bar Association logos on them?  Oh, and the best part is, Ptraghvyss and Ptreghfvorr are the best of friends, so they'll probably spend an afternoon catching up at the arcade the day of the shower.  What's that?  The arcade closed down last week because of a police raid?  Oh well, that won't be a problem, the boys are creative enough to make their own fun.