News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • August 24, 2016, 08:13:38 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Fancy a Beer?  (Read 3165 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Zizi-K

  • Member
  • Posts: 1854
Re: Fancy a Beer?
« Reply #30 on: August 20, 2016, 09:37:08 AM »
I am wondering if there aren't some cultural differences coming into play here, as well. Full disclosure--one of my sisters-in-law is Turkish, and she and my brother live in Turkey.

According to what I've seen, and what DSIL tells me, and what other Turkish women have said, many Turkish men (not all, but many) feel that anything to do with the kitchen and cleaning is women's work. My SIL's brother had never cooked a meal for himself, until he was in his late 20s, still living at home, and his parents left him at home for a week to go and visit with my brother and DSIL. He ended up eating a lot of meals out, because he simply does not know how to cook. And the kitchen was a mess when his parents got back, because he saw no need to clean up, even though they have a dishwasher.

The American husband of a Turkish friend nearly caused a divorce the first time the couple ate at my friend's sister's house. He picked up his plates and utensils after the meal was over, and carried them into the kitchen. The sister was astounded--this big, tough, US Army guy was doing housework! Well, if he could, so could her own husband! The husband was not thrilled with this idea.

I'm not saying all Turkish men refuse to enter the kitchen--my SIL's father makes his own rose petal jelly from his own rose bushes--but I wouldn't be surprised if this boarder simply hasn't thought that maybe he should be picking up after himself.

I see it is a moot point--the guy has gone home. But it is a thought for the future--spell out expectations clearly, so that the cultural differences can be addressed.

Cultural differences seem very important to be aware of, and they also seem important to address as the host family. If the point is both a linguistic and a cultural immersion, then it would be worthwhile to address some of that stuff in the house rules. Something like, "Both men and women are expected to clean up after themselves in the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. Be sure to place dirty plates in the dishwasher immediately after use / be sure to wash, dry and put away any dirty dishes immediately after use."

Carotte

  • Member
  • Posts: 1901
Re: Fancy a Beer?
« Reply #31 on: August 20, 2016, 10:06:39 AM »
To be honest I was wondering the same thing about gender dynamic and if it would have been different if it was OP's husband trying to deal with Student.

Zizi-K wording is good, don't shy away from a frank wording, by choosing/agreeing to stay in a foreign place/with people from a different culture they should know and agree that things will be different than what they are used with.