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  • September 05, 2015, 03:10:54 AM

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Author Topic: "Please use a coaster"  (Read 1161 times)

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Harriet Jones

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #15 on: Yesterday at 07:22:10 AM »
Even if the admonishment (and lack of coasters) was an in-the-moment mistake, I don't think the host should have made the guest get up and get the coasters.

TootsNYC

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #16 on: Yesterday at 09:17:54 AM »
Also on the side of "a guest shouldn't be expected to inquire after a coaster."

I note that this was happy hour, so drinking was the point (sort of--I mean, she weasn't going to play video games and leave her drink to sit). And she set the drink down in order to have her hands free for adjusting a cushion--so she would probablyl have picked it right back up again, and she would have known that. (Host wouldn't, nec., but could have deduced perhaps.)

It takes a few moments for condensation to drip down the glass onto the table.
Also, it's possible (OP, do you know?) that is was a freshly made drink, and it hadn't accumulated that much condensation yet. The event was indoors, and if there was A/C, then there wouldn't have been tat much mositure in the air. Sure, any dirnk with ice should have a coasater, but for a drink that isn't going to sit for long, it's probably not that necessary.

So the guest may have been making rapid subconscious calculations that there wasn't going to be much moisture hitting the table in the time it took to adjust her cushion.

Lynn2000

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #17 on: Yesterday at 09:32:33 AM »
Not to mention, adjusting a (light-colored?) couch cushion while holding a (bold-colored?) drink in one hand is asking for trouble!

Although I try to be considerate of my host's belongings, of course, I get a bit tired of the people who seem to be "precious" about their furniture, floors, etc.. I've been in several situations like the OP, where the host admonished someone to use a coaster only to find that the coasters were out of sight in a drawer--someone once told me that the little drawer in some tables was specifically meant for coasters, so I ought to have known to look there. ::) If your table is so delicate or dear to you that a glass set down on it for even an instant is unthinkable, you need to either proactively protect it in some way, or not have people over. Same with the people who don't want you to eat on their couch (while providing nowhere else to eat) or walk on their carpet (while providing no other surface/path to use). Don't have a house party if you're going to spend the whole time admonishing people not to use your house.
~Lynn2000

siamesecat2965

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #18 on: Yesterday at 09:56:00 AM »
I'm w/ you,Semperviren.

That choice of wording implies that the guest should have known better, and I'm trusting you on the tone of voice. But the coasters were hidden!! I'd *NEVER* ever go through someone's drawers in their living room looking for a coaster.

If the coasters were sitting out anywhere in the room, then maybe the host could feel a little exasperated (but that would still be over the top; just say, "Oh, coasters are there").

This tells you something about that person. He's always right, and everyone else is always stupid.

Yup. And in my teeny living space, my coasters are in a basket, in the open cube storage thingy across from my coffee table. So there's no way any guest would ever know where thye were. Most will ask, but I also try and put some out, if I'm having people over, or will say, as I'm serving drinks "let me grab some coasters"

but your last sentence says it all.

Semperviren

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #19 on: Yesterday at 11:32:58 AM »
It was actually a martini in a stemmed glass; the other guest and I had white wine, also in stemmed glasses. Usually with stemmed glasses you don't really get condensation underneath, so unless you slop over, it's not really an issue (although I would use a coaster anyway, assuming they were provided).

This host is a nice guy, but somewhat protective of his stuff; he prides himself on buying quality, proudly points out new purchases, etc. As I said, he and his wife just did a remodel, so the furniture is new, and very nice. This invitation was for the purpose of showing us the new look. I can understand the extra vigilance, I just thought he went about it rudely- he embarrassed a guest over an omission that was really his fault.

I have never heard the assertion that the drawers in coffee tables are specifically for coasters. I always thought they were specifically for the remote.  ;)

scarlett

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #20 on: Yesterday at 11:39:10 AM »
This reminded me of an instance with my best friend. I had just got a new wooden coffee table and we were discussing how people never put their drinks on coaster and just on the wood and that was annoying to both of us since she had a wooden coffee table also. So after dinner we sit in the living room and she puts her drink directly on the table and not on the coaster! I just got up and put her drink on the coaster and sat down. After a beat or two she realized what she had done and started laughing. Point made.

tabitha

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #21 on: Yesterday at 12:01:34 PM »
This is my favourite kind of topic on ehell, one that is specifically about ettiquette.  If you want guests to use a coaster, they should be brought out before the drinks are served and placed on the table.  My response to "would you mind using a coaster?" If they weren't already on the table would be "Sorry, I didn't think to bring one."
I have had a few wooden coffee tables that, because of the finish, haven't needed coasters.
The combination of my children and my income has put me in a position where I don't buy "very" nice things anyway. Although I do try to make the inexpensive things look nice, I am always prepared for my children to ruin them. If a guest makes a mistake? So what! We all make mistakes and I'm glad of the company!

This may not apply, but one of my favourite lines from the show "Roseanne" is, after opening the door to a stranger she waves her hand over the living room and says "Sorry about the mess but...." then she inspects the actual mess and can't come up with anything other than "we live here."
Thank you. Roseanne, for validating me!

jpcher

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #22 on: Yesterday at 05:38:17 PM »
This is my favourite kind of topic on ehell, one that is specifically about ettiquette.  If you want guests to use a coaster, they should be brought out before the drinks are served and placed on the table.  My response to "would you mind using a coaster?" If they weren't already on the table would be "Sorry, I didn't think to bring one."
I have had a few wooden coffee tables that, because of the finish, haven't needed coasters.
The combination of my children and my income has put me in a position where I don't buy "very" nice things anyway. Although I do try to make the inexpensive things look nice, I am always prepared for my children to ruin them. If a guest makes a mistake? So what! We all make mistakes and I'm glad of the company!

This may not apply, but one of my favourite lines from the show "Roseanne" is, after opening the door to a stranger she waves her hand over the living room and says "Sorry about the mess but...." then she inspects the actual mess and can't come up with anything other than "we live here."
Thank you. Roseanne, for validating me!

LOL! to the bold above -- great response!

OT -- And I love your Roseanne reference. Yup, that's me. ;D


I can understand the extra vigilance, I just thought he went about it rudely- he embarrassed a guest over an omission that was really his fault.

Completely agree, along with other posters.



As a guest, I've been known to ask for a coaster. More often than not the response has been "Oh, that's not real wood (or has a finish on it) so you don't need a coaster." or sometimes the response was "Thank you! I forgot to put them out." This response was most recently at my MIL's home when we were there for vacation.

Yes, I agree, this situation could have been handled a whole lot better, etiquette-wise.


Surianne

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #23 on: Yesterday at 07:27:15 PM »
I always ask about a coaster.  Yes, the hostess should have had them out, but she goofed, and it's better to ask than just set a drink down.  I don't think anyone was rude, the hostess was just slightly unprepared, and when she realized that, she let the guests know that there were coasters. 

Not all hosting is 100% perfect.  As long as everyone's reasonable and polite in working things out, I don't think that needs to be rude or a problem.

TootsNYC

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #24 on: Yesterday at 07:35:04 PM »
It was actually a martini in a stemmed glass; the other guest and I had white wine, also in stemmed glasses. Usually with stemmed glasses you don't really get condensation underneath, so unless you slop over, it's not really an issue (although I would use a coaster anyway, assuming they were provided).

Yeah, I had a feeling this guest *was* exercising good judgment.

I don't think I'd ask for a coaster if I had a stemmed glass. At least, not right away! Once I got my cushion settled, I might say, "Oh, wait--is there a coaster?"

And Surianne, there was a tone-of-voice problem. So yeah, that's rude and a  problem.

If the host had said, "Oh, wait--a coaster. Would you look in that drawer there?" Or, "Oh, would you use a coaster? They're in that drawer." All fine.

Sure, the host forgot to put the coasters out. It's the giving of orders ("Please use a coaster") and the tone of voice that implies she's being careless and he's exasperated, when in fact *he* is the one who didn't put coasters where people could see them.

The omission was his. He acted as though it was the guests.

That's rude or a problem.

Surianne

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #25 on: Yesterday at 08:45:13 PM »
And Surianne, there was a tone-of-voice problem. So yeah, that's rude and a  problem.


I wasn't there, and didn't hear the hostess's tone of voice.  Unless it was extremely over-the-top sarcastic or rude, I can't see anything she did wrong.  She asked them to used coasters, which is a perfectly normal request for a wood table.

Harriet Jones

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Re: "Please use a coaster"
« Reply #26 on: Yesterday at 10:04:44 PM »
And Surianne, there was a tone-of-voice problem. So yeah, that's rude and a  problem.


I wasn't there, and didn't hear the hostess's tone of voice.  Unless it was extremely over-the-top sarcastic or rude, I can't see anything she did wrong.  She asked them to used coasters, which is a perfectly normal request for a wood table.

Is it also proper to make your guests go fetch the coasters you forgot to put out?