Silence after sending friend an email

[CoffeeKat]

Honestly, at this point, I would send another email, asking if she received the previous one. At this point, you are assuming the worst of her, that she is blatantly ignoring you.

It is possible that she didn't receive it, or saw it but couldn't respond right away and forgot, etc. I've done that with FB emails before.

I think that before you assume she doesn't have the courtesy or kindness to respond, you should probably make sure that it's not an oversight, especially if she's been a good friend.

I see your point but any way that I phrase this email in my head just sounds wrong.

[jimithing]

Honestly, at this point, I would send another email, asking if she received the previous one. At this point, you are assuming the worst of her, that she is blatantly ignoring you.

It is possible that she didn't receive it, or saw it but couldn't respond right away and forgot, etc. I've done that with FB emails before.

I think that before you assume she doesn't have the courtesy or kindness to respond, you should probably make sure that it's not an oversight, especially if she's been a good friend.

I see your point but any way that I phrase this email in my head just sounds wrong.

How about, "Hey, did you get my previous email?"

[Two Ravens]

I can understand that friend is "known for the cupcakes" but friend now lives several hours away.  She is definitely being stingy (if not rude) by refusing to share the name of the book/author.  It's not her recipe, it's a published recipe. 

Now like others have mentioned, it does take time to look through books and try out recipes (I know, I do this quite a bit) but again, this is a close friend of the OP's. (or at least, she thought they were close)

Roe, as i have stated twice here, i imagine the cupcake recipe started with the published recipe, but then the friend made changes to the recipe that make them truly hers.  hence the coy deflection when asked for the recipe. 

Then the friend could say, "Well it started out as X, but I made several changes.  Now, as it's my own creation, I'd rather not share the recipe.  However, that published recipe is a good starting point, and you can develop your own version."

Exactly!  She doesn't have to share her 'tweaks.'  However, since it is a published recipe, I do think she is stingy by not giving out the name of the book or author.

but Roe, if the friend has indeed made tweaks, tweaks that make them the most fantabulous cupcakes around, and she doesn't share them, then she hasn't actually shared the real recipe.  i'd rather someone refuse to give me a recipe than to give me one and leave out something key to the success of said recipe.

That may be true for you, but others would probably be satisfied with the name of the cookbook.  I know I would be.

[Only me]

hi

LOL Have you considered the putting pureed spinach in with the chocolate. I hear that makes excellent flavour.

Just me

[Merry Mrs Martin]

I can understand that friend is "known for the cupcakes" but friend now lives several hours away.  She is definitely being stingy (if not rude) by refusing to share the name of the book/author.  It's not her recipe, it's a published recipe. 

Now like others have mentioned, it does take time to look through books and try out recipes (I know, I do this quite a bit) but again, this is a close friend of the OP's. (or at least, she thought they were close)

Roe, as i have stated twice here, i imagine the cupcake recipe started with the published recipe, but then the friend made changes to the recipe that make them truly hers.  hence the coy deflection when asked for the recipe. 

Then the friend could say, "Well it started out as X, but I made several changes.  Now, as it's my own creation, I'd rather not share the recipe.  However, that published recipe is a good starting point, and you can develop your own version."

Exactly!  She doesn't have to share her 'tweaks.'  However, since it is a published recipe, I do think she is stingy by not giving out the name of the book or author.

but Roe, if the friend has indeed made tweaks, tweaks that make them the most fantabulous cupcakes around, and she doesn't share them, then she hasn't actually shared the real recipe.  i'd rather someone refuse to give me a recipe than to give me one and leave out something key to the success of said recipe.

That may be true for you, but others would probably be satisfied with the name of the cookbook.  I know I would be.

I would be alright with "they were inspired by a recipe I found in x cookbook "  That way I know it's a starting point. Also your giving the information up the point when you made it your own.

[skbenny]

I think I missed the object of the OP's post.  I originally thought it was about sharing recipes, it's not.  It's about not responding to or ignoring emails.

I agree with both the OP and jimithing.  The OP has a right to be hurt if her friend is ignoring the emails.

There is no way to know if the email is being ignored without asking if it was received.

I would email something like:
"Hey, did you get my previous email?  If not, I was asking for your fantabulous cupcake recipe.  I understand if you don't want to share your signature dish, but my mouth is watering just thinking about your cupcakes.  I have never had any so fluffy, light and well, without compare the best ever.

Did your DH get the raise he was hoping for?  I hope your DD loved the dollhouse "Santa" was bringing......."

This would give the friend a chance to say she didn't receive the email (even if it were a fib) and to either say "thanks for the compliment, all I do is use sweetened condensed milk instead of sugar and milk in the Martha Big Cook recipe book" or "thanks for the compliment, I don't share that recipe.  DH hasn't received the raise yet, but we're hoping any time now....."

[KimberlyRose]

I don't know if anyone has mentioned it, but it's possible she either didn't get your email (my provider recently went through a spell where quite a few of my emails didn't get where they needed to go), or she didn't have time to respond when she read it and it's slipped her mind.  Unfortunately, I don't really have a good suggestion as far as emailing again, since I always feel awkward when I have to do so, just wanted to let you know she may not be ignoring you.

[Yarnspinner]

Just realized how horrible and cynical a person I am, because MY thought was: there IS no recipe beyond picking up the phone and dialing the number of whatever exquisitely expensive bakery it is that makes those cupcakes...and friend may be too embarrassed to admit that.

[CoffeeKat]

Just realized how horrible and cynical a person I am, because MY thought was: there IS no recipe beyond picking up the phone and dialing the number of whatever exquisitely expensive bakery it is that makes those cupcakes...and friend may be too embarrassed to admit that.

*chuckle*  No, she definitely makes them, I have seen the dirty mixing bowl and although the cupcakes are spectacular, she was not blessed by the cupcake decorating fairy 

I might send a quick one liner to her other email address, asking if she has had a chance to check her facebook email and if it would be alright to ask for the cupcake recipe.  I do strongly suspect though that my first request is being ignored and I can only imagine that maybe she is reluctant to refuse because she knows how readily I share my recipes.  Including with her 

[CoffeeKat]

Ok, I have sent a follow up email to her other email address.  Breezy, and along the lines of a previous poster about Hey, did you get my recent email.  I was asking about your wonderful cupcakes etc.

[Bramble]

One thing you might want to do, rather then asking for the recipe out right, is asking what cookbook she got it from.  Because assuming it is in a cookbook, having to transcribe the recipe into an email to send it to you might be a pain, and that is what is holding her up.

[Raintree]

I don't understand possessiveness over recipes. I'm flattered if someone likes it so much they want the recipe.

Of course, sometimes they botch it, but at least they started from the same recipe I did.

[DottyG]

I don't understand possessiveness over recipes. I'm flattered if someone likes it so much they want the recipe.

Of course, sometimes they botch it, but at least they started from the same recipe I did.

You might want to check out the link on the first page (which could also keep us from getting this thread closed by doing a rehash of the original). While you're flattered, others feel differently. Neither side is right or wrong, but there are differing views.

[Blithe]

If you e-mailed through Facebook that could be part of the problem.  Personally I have a Facebook account but rarely have time to check it and when I do, the priority is to check the pages for a few older relatives who are very proud of their technological skills (as seen by the fact that they figured out how to upload pictures to Facebook) and leaving a quick comment on anything new.  An e-mail to my actual e-mail account that I can respond to through said e-mail account is much more likely to get a response.


As far as sharing the recipe goes, I'm someone who doesn't love sharing recipes largely because I do have tweaks on most of my recipes (or in one noteable case their really isn't a recipe) and while I understand my own recipe shorthand, explaining it to people or rewriting it in a way that someone else could understand takes a lot of effort, particularly since for some recipes I would actually have to make the recipe and write down what I did each step of the way as some of my cooking/recipe alterations are so ingrained that I haven't made a note of them because when I am making the recipe I just know that if the recipe says x what I will actually do is y, but if I sat down and copied the recipe out I might very well miss it.  Not to mention the issue of people who either can't follow directions or who get upset when I can't give them scientific precision on a recipe.  It is much easier to have a blanket policy that I don't share certain recipes with anyone beyond my mother and my sister.  Even if they are based on recipes found in one of my cookbooks or something I got off of Allrecipes. 

As for the cupcakes in question, I typically get a really good response on my cakes and cupcakes when I use a box recipe and substitute natural, unsweetened apple sauce for the oil (I am particularly fond of Mott's brand).

[MariaE]

I don't understand possessiveness over recipes. I'm flattered if someone likes it so much they want the recipe.

Of course, sometimes they botch it, but at least they started from the same recipe I did.

You might want to check out the link on the first page (which could also keep us from getting this thread closed by doing a rehash of the original). While you're flattered, others feel differently. Neither side is right or wrong, but there are differing views.

Not wanting to rehash the topic from the linked thread, just wanted to comment on your choice of words. I actually do think it's wrong not to feel flattered by somebody asking for a recipe (assumed it's done politely of course), because they're complimenting your cooking, and that should always be flattering.

That said there is absolutely nothing wrong with being flattered and still declining to share the recipe

Hope the distinction I'm trying to make makes sense.