General Etiquette > Techno-quette

Cell Phones vs. the Person in Front of You

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MissBrit:
On Christmas Eve Kate invited me to her house for dinner and to look at the Christmas lights in her area.
After dinner Kate, myself, and Kate’s mom piled into the car and began driving around. Things were going great and Kate and I were laughing and commentating on all the houses. Then, a short while into our drive Kate’s cell phone rings and it is her bff Priscilla. Now, technically, Kate isn’t supposed to answer the phone while driving as it is against the law in our state to talk while driving, but if she doesn’t answer Priscilla will either keep calling her or leave whiny messages asking Kate why she won’t talk to her.
Kate’s answering the phone put a complete damper on looking at the Christmas lights. Kate was busy talking to Priscilla and not noticing the lights and we had to keep our voices down so Kate could hear Priscilla. Kate talked to Priscilla for a good twenty minutes and then let her talk to me for a few minutes before I hung up.
This is not the first time I have been doing something with Kate that has had to come to a stop because Priscilla has called. I can generally keep myself occupied while Kate chats with Priscilla but I am beginning to find it rude when Priscilla’s calls take precedence over Kate wanting to hang out with me. These calls last between 15-20 minutes and are usually either while she is driving to or from work or on break. I mean, even my mother will say to someone who calls when I am over, “Hey, Miss Brit is here can I call you back later?” Priscilla gets all offended if Kate won’t talk to her right there and then. One time Kate and I were in a store that doesn’t get any cell phone reception for about 20 minutes and when we came out Kate had four messages from Priscilla!
Is there anything I can say to Kate about the phone calls or perhaps Priscilla? I did say something about Christmas Eve to Kate but she didn’t have much of a response and it basically felt that it went in one ear and out the other. Is this just a lost cause? Would anyone else feel put about by this?

Merry Mrs Martin:
  That Kate can't see how weird it is that Priscilla calls every 5 minutes till Kate answers ,  It would be normal to be annoyed with Priscilla , if Kate has this be of a blind spot to her behavior.  I don't know what you can do.

I guess you can just keep repeating " It hurt my feeling when you ignore me in favor of a phone call"

Hawkwatcher:
I think that you are right to feel put out.  Your friend is being rude.  She also is rewarding bad behavior and risking her own safety.

 I certainly would not get into a car with Katie unless I was sure that she wasn't talking on the phone.  I think that it is also perfectly acceptable for you to leave after she has been talking for 10 minutes.  Obviously, she is busy.

Raintree:
Of course I would be put out by this too. Just because the technology has been invented to allow a person to be reachable wherever they go, doesn't make it acceptable at all times to pick up.


--- Quote ---Priscilla gets all offended if Kate won’t talk to her right there and then.
--- End quote ---

Well you're offended if Kate DOES talk to her right there and then, and rightly so. Why is it OK for Kate to offend the person in front of her (you) and not Priscilla? You might want to ask her that. Perhaps it's because you've been too nice up to this point. Squeaky wheel gets the grease, and all.

Priscilla sounds incredibly, pathologically, needy. But that is Kate's problem and she seems quite willing to indulge this behaviour from her friend. Nothing you can do about that, but you can do something about the way you handle Kate. I know you were stuck in the car this time, but next time you could try excusing yourself, and tell Kate that you'd be happy to get together with her when she's willing to turn off her phone, or at least put it on "silent" and deal with Priscilla later. Next time she invites you somewhere, say, "Well, to be honest, I'd love to spend time with you but every time I see you I'm left twiddling my thumbs while you talk on the phone." Perhaps she'll get the message if she realizes she's offending people to the point where they don't want to hang out with her anymore.

sammycat:

--- Quote from: Raintree on January 02, 2010, 03:00:42 AM ---Of course I would be put out by this too. Just because the technology has been invented to allow a person to be reachable wherever they go, doesn't make it acceptable at all times to pick up.


--- Quote ---Priscilla gets all offended if Kate won’t talk to her right there and then.
--- End quote ---

Well you're offended if Kate DOES talk to her right there and then, and rightly so. Why is it OK for Kate to offend the person in front of her (you) and not Priscilla? You might want to ask her that. Perhaps it's because you've been too nice up to this point. Squeaky wheel gets the grease, and all.

Priscilla sounds incredibly, pathologically, needy. But that is Kate's problem and she seems quite willing to indulge this behaviour from her friend. Nothing you can do about that, but you can do something about the way you handle Kate. I know you were stuck in the car this time, but next time you could try excusing yourself, and tell Kate that you'd be happy to get together with her when she's willing to turn off her phone, or at least put it on "silent" and deal with Priscilla later. Next time she invites you somewhere, say, "Well, to be honest, I'd love to spend time with you but every time I see you I'm left twiddling my thumbs while you talk on the phone." Perhaps she'll get the message if she realizes she's offending people to the point where they don't want to hang out with her anymore.

--- End quote ---

Exactly what Raintree said.

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