Teachers and (ex) students on Facebook

[CakeEater]

I hope this isn't a legal issue?

I'm a teacher, not in the profession at the moment, and have long had my own policy on befriending students.

1. I never befriend current students, or those still attending the school at which I work (or may go back to).
2. I always wait for ex-students to request my friendship.
3. I am particularly careful about what I post to my page.
4. I rarely comment on their statuses or photos, and always in a complimentary way if I do.

Some of the ex-students in my friends list are still secondary school age (I taught them as 11-year-olds), but don't live in the same area as me any more. Do any parents out there find this objectionable at all? What's good etiquette here?

Some of my recent students would like to befriend me. I always tell them I'm not allowed to befriend them, which isn't technically true. Etiquettely correct, though?

[MrsJWine]

My daughter isn't school-age yet, but I don't think I'd be worried if a teacher were her friend on Facebook.  However, we don't plan to even allow Facebook (or whatever its equivalent will be in 13 years) until our children are at least in high school (or whenever it seems they have the maturity and good judgment to use it safely).  We'll be concerned over any kind of inappropriate behavior by any of her teachers, but friending her on Facebook isn't inappropriate in and of itself.  Different parents will feel differently, I'm sure.

As for denying friend requests, I guess it's not exactly true that you're not "allowed" to friend current students, but it would violate a rule you have put in place for yourself.  If you're concerned about bending the truth that way, I think you'd be fine simply saying, "I'm sorry, but for many reasons I don't friend current students of mine.  How about when the term is over?"  Or something.  There's nothing wrong with denying any friend request that you don't wish to accept.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

   the white lie of "I'm not allowed" because your school would but it would violate your own code is fine.

I also don't let my son on facebook  to much ugliness  pop up there for him I think , but I would not have an issue with him having a teacher on his friend list.

[Hawkwatcher]

As for denying friend requests, I guess it's not exactly true that you're not "allowed" to friend current students, but it would violate a rule you have put in place for yourself.  If you're concerned about bending the truth that way, I think you'd be fine simply saying, "I'm sorry, but for many reasons I don't friend current students of mine.  How about when the term is over?"  Or something.  There's nothing wrong with denying any friend request that you don't wish to accept.

I love your response.  I think that most students understand that teachers can't do anything that smacks of favoritism.  Even though I am not a parent, I don't think that I would have any trouble with my kid befriending the OP on FB.  If her rules are indication, she has good judgment.

[Kaylee]

I'm not a teacher, and I'd think it would be different for, say, college professors than for elementary-school teachers, but I'd think a good solution would be for a teacher getting numerous 'friend' requests to have two different Facebook identities, one for students and one for personal use.

Obviously, friends can be screened into groups so student-friends don't see everything, but it would probably be simpler to keep things separate.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

1. I never befriend current students, or those still attending the school at which I work (or may go back to).
2. I always wait for ex-students to request my friendship.
3. I am particularly careful about what I post to my page.
4. I rarely comment on their statuses or photos, and always in a complimentary way if I do.

I do exactly the same, except I allow learners to friend me if they aren't in a class I'm teaching (so I hardly ever see them in person). One child friended me, I think because we like the same type of TV programs, and the principal told us not to friend children we teach (he was in my class at the time), so I defriended him. As soon as he was no longer in my class, he immediately friended me again so he could ask me for episodes of TV programs he liked. He's still on my friends list even though he's now in high school.

Some of my recent students would like to befriend me. I always tell them I'm not allowed to befriend them, which isn't technically true. Etiquettely correct, though?

I think that's the best course of action. Our school has a general policy of "do not friend children you teach", so if one tries, I just say that I can't friend them now but once they're no longer in a class I teach, they can friend me then. They never seem upset about it. We had to institute this policy after one pupil kept going to an educator after school hours, hanging out and telling her all sorts of information (might have been true or false, we don't know) about being pregnant (at age 13), how another child had an abortion, etc. The teacher went to the principal asking what to do with the info; the principal told her that the relationship was inappropriate, because now the teacher was passing stories on to the other staff about the learners. So we were told that level of contact was unacceptable.

[kherbert05]

I tell my current students (9 -10 yo) that I don't friend students until they graduate from HS. My page is open and if a parent finds it they can see it. I never post anything online that I would need to keep from my boss, student parents, and my family.

[Elle]

I don't get why friending teachers would be a problem at all. Obviously if you trust your kid in class physically with them you ought to be able to trust them in cyberspace as well.

We had to institute this policy after one pupil kept going to an educator after school hours, hanging out and telling her all sorts of information (might have been true or false, we don't know) about being pregnant (at age 13), how another child had an abortion, etc. The teacher went to the principal asking what to do with the info; the principal told her that the rel@tionship was inappropriate, because now the teacher was passing stories on to the other staff about the learners. So we were told that level of contact was unacceptable.

Bu that seems to be exactly one of the reasons why teachers and students ought to friend each other (if both are amenable). Not to pass stories, but to add one more trusted adult to a kid's circle of support.

  <---- I'm puzzled.

[PeytiePotatie]

I also don't friend students until they have graduated.

I don't get why friending teachers would be a problem at all. Obviously if you trust your kid in class physically with them you ought to be able to trust them in cyberspace as well.

We had to institute this policy after one pupil kept going to an educator after school hours, hanging out and telling her all sorts of information (might have been true or false, we don't know) about being pregnant (at age 13), how another child had an abortion, etc. The teacher went to the principal asking what to do with the info; the principal told her that the rel@tionship was inappropriate, because now the teacher was passing stories on to the other staff about the learners. So we were told that level of contact was unacceptable.

Bu that seems to be exactly one of the reasons why teachers and students ought to friend each other (if both are amenable). Not to pass stories, but to add one more trusted adult to a kid's circle of support.

  <---- I'm puzzled.

Other people may have different reasons, but for me, it's not about protecting the students..it's about protecting me. I generally don't post anything controversial, and I try not to be too negative in anything I put on FB; but you never know what could be taken the wrong way by a student or a student's parent. Rather than take any chances on being viewed as less-than-professional, I just wait until after the student has graduated. That way if they choose to friend me, their opinion of anything I post (or anything my friends post on my page, etc.) doesn't have professional consequences - only personal ones.

As I said, YMMV - that's just how I view the issue.

[DaDancingPsych]

I think you are smart by not friending current students or students still within the same school setting (or potential to return). There are just too many sticky situations that may occur.

As far as former students who are still minors, this may be alright. I am sure that a lot of parents would appreciate the fact that their child has an adult as a FB friend. They are less likely to post something stupid. However, this means that you will need to keep your FB page squeeky clean and you will need to be prepared to see and deal with things that you may not want to. (What will you do if you discover a picture of a former student who is underage drinking?)

I think it's fine to say that you are not allowed to friend these people. You don't need to mention that it is YOU who set the rules. I think it helps avoid any hurt feelings as they understand why you are not accepting their friendship.

It's in my contract that I can not friend current students or their parents. I prefer this. Again, too many sticky situations. I have not had any former students contact me, but I suppose that I should decide how to handle these.

[Elle]

I also don't friend students until they have graduated.

I don't get why friending teachers would be a problem at all. Obviously if you trust your kid in class physically with them you ought to be able to trust them in cyberspace as well.

We had to institute this policy after one pupil kept going to an educator after school hours, hanging out and telling her all sorts of information (might have been true or false, we don't know) about being pregnant (at age 13), how another child had an abortion, etc. The teacher went to the principal asking what to do with the info; the principal told her that the rel@tionship was inappropriate, because now the teacher was passing stories on to the other staff about the learners. So we were told that level of contact was unacceptable.

Bu that seems to be exactly one of the reasons why teachers and students ought to friend each other (if both are amenable). Not to pass stories, but to add one more trusted adult to a kid's circle of support.

  <---- I'm puzzled.

Other people may have different reasons, but for me, it's not about protecting the students..it's about protecting me. I generally don't post anything controversial, and I try not to be too negative in anything I put on FB; but you never know what could be taken the wrong way by a student or a student's parent. Rather than take any chances on being viewed as less-than-professional, I just wait until after the student has graduated. That way if they choose to friend me, their opinion of anything I post (or anything my friends post on my page, etc.) doesn't have professional consequences - only personal ones.

As I said, YMMV - that's just how I view the issue.

Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks

[whiterose]

My old teachers and students have friended me on Facebook. I accept. My Facebook is rated G...and while some people may deem it eccentric, it is in no way scandalous or offensive.

[johelenc1]

I think part of the issue with facebook is not just what you put on your page but that people can see what everyone you are friends with has put on their pages as well.  I had a teenage boy as one of my friends (used to babysit him).  He posted some perfectly awful things and I had to hide him.

Personally, I don't think teachers should friend anyone that is still in high school (or obviously, younger).  When they get to college, graduate, or turn 18, you can friend them.  I don't think it's so much a matter of "is this weird in a creepy way", but rather you are an adult holding other adult conversations that non-adults shouldn't be privy to.

If you want to keep in touch with former students, They can email you.  The only other thing I can think of is to have a separate facebook page reserved just for the under-18/still in school crowd.  You may not post much there, but you could check on them and they could leave messages for you if they want.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

you are an adult holding other adult conversations that non-adults shouldn't be privy to.

I don't have conversations on my Facebook wall that children shouldn't see. I don't use foul language in real life; I do not discuss sex on my wall (and I would not associate with anyone who did); and I don't drink or do drugs, so the chances of there being compromising photos of me are zero. Therefore, it doesn't matter if children friend me. The only restriction I have is they can't friend me if they're in a class I'm teaching. When I had the Big Photo app up, it had a photo of the two Captain Jacks, only, er, closer. So I would put all kids, teens and overly religious relatives on my limited profile so they didn't see the yummy goodness.

[CakeEater]

I think part of the issue with facebook is not just what you put on your page but that people can see what everyone you are friends with has put on their pages as well.  I had a teenage boy as one of my friends (used to babysit him).  He posted some perfectly awful things and I had to hide him.

Personally, I don't think teachers should friend anyone that is still in high school (or obviously, younger).  When they get to college, graduate, or turn 18, you can friend them.  I don't think it's so much a matter of "is this weird in a creepy way", but rather you are an adult holding other adult conversations that non-adults shouldn't be privy to.

If you want to keep in touch with former students, They can email you.  The only other thing I can think of is to have a separate facebook page reserved just for the under-18/still in school crowd.  You may not post much there, but you could check on them and they could leave messages for you if they want.

This is probably the only thing I would worry about. But I also don't have anything on my page that anyone shouldn't see. The only thing would be if a friend made an inappropriate comment on my page.

Thanks everyone. I have spent too many years dealing with crazy parents. There are still some normal ones around!