General Etiquette > Family and Children

Toxic Family Christmas Present Thank You Note-To Give or Not to Give?

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ehellion:
So, I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. My Dh has cut off contact with his toxic parents (long story.) The gist is that they never really had alot to do with our toddler son to begin with. They sure liked to torment DH and me. But now that we've had no contact for a couple of years, they send an Easter card and a Christmas gift card every year to our son.

The first year of our falling out, I sent them a simple basic thank you for the gift card for my toddler son. Then they did a bunch more mean hateful crap, so the second year I didn't send them a thank you. (I know, probably bad, but what can I say. These peope are hateful.)

This year I've received another gift card for my son for Christmas. We haven't spoken or anything for a long time now, but I suppose that's besides the point. What do I do? Son is too young to write a thank you. I was thinking of having him draw (scribble) a picture and mail it to them, but they'd somehow see that as an attack or something against them. What should I do? What would you do? What's the etiquette for dealing with toxic people that you don't even have anything to do with, that never really had anything to do with you, their son and grandson except do/say toxic and mean things to until you cut them off? Ignore it? Thank them?

Suggestions, please? Thanks so much!

Clara Bow:
Send the note. If they show their tails, ask them to refrain from contacting your family in any way in the future and tell them that you will no longer be accepting any gifts as they have caused nothing but grief. That may not be the world's greatest advice, but there is no reason for you to allow these people to jerk you around. Give them one more chance to be decent, then let it be done with.

MineralDiva:
I would also send a thank-you.  When your son is old enough, he can write his own.  But until then, it's up to you.  Keep it to the basics and be done with it.

Yes, they may be toxic.  But that doesn't trump good manners on your part.  If they get too out of hand, you can politely tell them to go to E-Hell, in a way that won't reserve you a seat right next to them.

sammycat:
Would you consider just marking any mail from them "return to sender"?  Would that give them the hint that you don't want anything to do with them or would that make the situation even worse?

Bethalize:

--- Quote from: MineralDiva on December 21, 2006, 02:00:16 AM ---
Yes, they may be toxic.  But that doesn't trump good manners on your part. 
--- End quote ---

I disagree. Self-protection comes above good manners. However, we eHellions strive to remain good mannered for as long as possible even in the face of toxic families :-)

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