Is it ALWAYS rude to answer the call in front of someone?

[Raintree]

This one happened during college. I was supposed to get together with a classmate/friend (Susan) to work on a project one Saturday. We both had errands and things to do first, but agreed we'd call each other on our cell phones when we were close to being ready, and decide on a time and place. We also needed to discuss a couple of other details like what to bring.

So as I was finishing up my errands, I called her. She did not pick up so I left a message. Then half an hour later I saw she'd called, but I hadn't heard my phone ring. Then I called her...no answer. In other words, telephone tag. I was getting anxious to nail down a time and place so I could plan around it.

Then, unexpectedly, I ran into someone else I knew, John. I stopped and chatted with him in the street for a few minutes. Then my phone rang. I saw it was Susan. I said, "Sorry, I need to answer that" and answered the phone, talked to Susan, and made our arrangements.  Then I hung up. John looked offended, so I said, "Sorry about that...we've been trying to get a hold of each other."  He said, "Well....I just hate cell phones."

Is it ALWAYS rude to pick up a call if you are talking to someone? I hadn't expected to run into John, and I HAD already had a couple of unsuccessful rounds of telephone tag with Susan, who I really did need to speak with.

[Bethalize]

Is it ALWAYS rude to pick up a call if you are talking to someone? I hadn't expected to run into John, and I HAD already had a couple of unsuccessful rounds of telephone tag with Susan, who I really did need to speak with.

It's a question of prioritising. It's rude to prioritise a casual telephone conversation when you have made an arrangement to have dinner with someone. It is not rude IMO to interrupt a casual meeting to take a high priority call.

YMMV

[MariaE]

No. There are definitely situations where it's not rude, and the one you listed is one of them.

[marcel]

With a casual meeting in the street while you are waiting for a call, this is not rude, as long as you keep the call as short as possible.

John could also just have said goodbye or waved at you and then continue on his way without being rude.

[Elphaba]

I also vote no, not rude. You had been expecting an important call where as you just accidently bumped into John on the street - the call gets priority. You also kept the call short and to the point, and John should have realized you were only answering the call to make important plans, not to blow him off.

John sounds a lot like my older brother. OB hates cell phones too and thinks that answering them at any time in the presence of other people is rude. One time he chided me for answering my phone in a bigbox store: he and I were shopping in different (but near by) sections and not shopping "together".  I wasn't speaking loudly and was only on the phone for 3 minutes or so and he told me it was rude to talk on the phone while in the store. When I asked him what the difference between talking on the phone while shopping and talking to him while shopping, he didn't have a good answer. 

[Giggity]

He said, "Well....I just hate cell phones."

It doesn't sound like he had an issue with you answering a call so much as with the fact that you owned a cell phone.

His freaky attitude =/= your problem.

[pierrotlunaire0]

I say you were not rude.  Cell phones are one of the banes of my work life.  They slow me up, because I need to ask questions, administer an eye test, etc., and I can't because you are busy talking to someone else.

But occasionally it doesn't bother me: the person excuses themself, briefly handles the call, hangs up and apologizes for the interruption.  Okay, maybe 30 seconds have been wasted.  But the person did minimize the interruption, and there is an acknowledgement that it was an interruption.

[Surianne]

How long did you talk to her?  You said "made our arrangements" -- how long was this?  That would make the difference to me. 

I've had friends answer their cells in front of me, say it was an important call, and then talk for several minutes.  I didn't know what I was supposed to do.  It seemed rude to just walk away, but also rude to interrupt and say "I'm getting bored of standing here waiting, it's two full minutes already." 

If you were 30 seconds, that's okay, but if it was a couple of minutes, I think you should have said either "Susan, I'm talking to my friend John right now can you call me back in 10?" or "John, this is Susan, I really need to have a discussion with her.  It was great running into you though."  Remember, John has no idea how long you will take or how long he'll be waiting there. 

What's rude, to me, is the expectation that he doesn't have more important things to do than wait while you sort out your plans.  A quick "Sorry John, gotta take this so you're off the hook", ending your interaction is important to me, rather than keeping him in suspense wondering how long it would take.

I'm not a cell owner though, so maybe I just don't get it.

[ShadesOfGrey]

I agree with this. I think you can end it with John, or take like 30 seconds or less with a "Susan, I'm with someone right now, so I need to keep this short and sweet. I'll be ready at 4. What time will you be ready? ... OK great. Let's meet at 530.  See you then."

How long did you talk to her?  You said "made our arrangements" -- how long was this?  That would make the difference to me. 

I've had friends answer their cells in front of me, say it was an important call, and then talk for several minutes.  I didn't know what I was supposed to do.  It seemed rude to just walk away, but also rude to interrupt and say "I'm getting bored of standing here waiting, it's two full minutes already." 

If you were 30 seconds, that's okay, but if it was a couple of minutes, I think you should have said either "Susan, I'm talking to my friend John right now can you call me back in 10?" or "John, this is Susan, I really need to have a discussion with her.  It was great running into you though."  Remember, John has no idea how long you will take or how long he'll be waiting there. 

What's rude, to me, is the expectation that he doesn't have more important things to do than wait while you sort out your plans.  A quick "Sorry John, gotta take this so you're off the hook", ending your interaction is important to me, rather than keeping him in suspense wondering how long it would take.

I'm not a cell owner though, so maybe I just don't get it.

[Surianne]

I agree with this. I think you can end it with John, or take like 30 seconds or less with a "Susan, I'm with someone right now, so I need to keep this short and sweet. I'll be ready at 4. What time will you be ready? ... OK great. Let's meet at 530.  See you then."

This is great phrasing, because it gives John that verbal clue that you know he's there and you're going to be quick, while still giving Susan time and respect.  A nice balancing act!

For me the most frustrating part is definitely having *no* idea when the cell phone user will be done, and the feeling that they've just forgotten about me because the call is more exciting/important.  So anything you can do to alleviate that feeling helps, I think. 

[Raintree]

How long did you talk to her?  You said "made our arrangements" -- how long was this?  That would make the difference to me. 

I've had friends answer their cells in front of me, say it was an important call, and then talk for several minutes.  I didn't know what I was supposed to do.  It seemed rude to just walk away, but also rude to interrupt and say "I'm getting bored of standing here waiting, it's two full minutes already." 

If you were 30 seconds, that's okay, but if it was a couple of minutes, I think you should have said either "Susan, I'm talking to my friend John right now can you call me back in 10?" or "John, this is Susan, I really need to have a discussion with her.  It was great running into you though."  Remember, John has no idea how long you will take or how long he'll be waiting there. 

What's rude, to me, is the expectation that he doesn't have more important things to do than wait while you sort out your plans.  A quick "Sorry John, gotta take this so you're off the hook", ending your interaction is important to me, rather than keeping him in suspense wondering how long it would take.

I'm not a cell owner though, so maybe I just don't get it.

Hmm, interesting perspective; you are right, perhaps he didn't know whether to stand there or walk away. I did tell him I'd been waiting for this call before I answered, but it was a while ago so I don't remember if I said anything like "hang on..."

I believe I was on the phone for less than a minute, no extraneous babble.

[TootsNYC]

How long did you talk to her?  You said "made our arrangements" -- how long was this?  That would make the difference to me. 

I've had friends answer their cells in front of me, say it was an important call, and then talk for several minutes.  I didn't know what I was supposed to do.  It seemed rude to just walk away, but also rude to interrupt and say "I'm getting bored of standing here waiting, it's two full minutes already." 

If you were 30 seconds, that's okay, but if it was a couple of minutes, I think you should have said either "Susan, I'm talking to my friend John right now can you call me back in 10?" or "John, this is Susan, I really need to have a discussion with her.  It was great running into you though."  Remember, John has no idea how long you will take or how long he'll be waiting there. 

What's rude, to me, is the expectation that he doesn't have more important things to do than wait while you sort out your plans.  A quick "Sorry John, gotta take this so you're off the hook", ending your interaction is important to me, rather than keeping him in suspense wondering how long it would take.

I'm not a cell owner though, so maybe I just don't get it.

Me too, I agree with this.

I think it's impolite to try to hang onto the attention of two completely different parties at the same time. Cut one of them loose.  Even if it's really short. (or at least offer them the option)

As for your situation, you have a previous engagement, and John was a casual meet, so the phone call actually takes precedence. Just because John's physically in front of you doesn't mean he's less of a person than the one on the phone.

[MamaToreen]

No, it isn't. DH is an investigator for an organization that cares for the disbled. He is on call 24/7. One of his phones rings, he answers. End of discussion. He excuses himnself & explains it's work, but he HAS to answer.

[Celany]

I agree with this. I think you can end it with John, or take like 30 seconds or less with a "Susan, I'm with someone right now, so I need to keep this short and sweet. I'll be ready at 4. What time will you be ready? ... OK great. Let's meet at 530.  See you then."

This is great phrasing, because it gives John that verbal clue that you know he's there and you're going to be quick, while still giving Susan time and respect.  A nice balancing act!

For me the most frustrating part is definitely having *no* idea when the cell phone user will be done, and the feeling that they've just forgotten about me because the call is more exciting/important.  So anything you can do to alleviate that feeling helps, I think. 

I third all of the above & from what you've said, you weren't rude in your particular case.

In the greater scheme of things, no, it is absolutely not always rude to answer a call in front of someone.

When my grandma was in a coma & we know she was going to die shortly, I walked out of a very important meeting when I saw my mom calling (my phone was tucked under my leg, & on "low vibrate", so I was the only person who could tell why I got up).

I could not have sat through a meeting knowing that she might die & I might get that call with my phone at my desk. Or with me, but going to voice mail.

[high dudgeon]

I have a relative who's a medical professional and frequently on call. If we go out to lunch together, it frequently happens that she has to pick up the phone for a minute to relay some information or give someone instructions. I just consider it part of life in her case. Or when my dad was in the ICU, I sometimes did have to take the call at that moment, no matter what else was going on. But if they were just social calls, I'd be annoyed if someone did that to me, especially if it takes more than a short, "Hi. No, we're supposed to be there at 5. No, I'm sure it was not 4, it's 5. See you there. Bye."

 I don't think you did anything wrong above, sometimes that's the best you can do. You didn't plan to run into John, you couldn't not take the phone call. The verbal cues to let people know what's going on really do help the situation.