When did not having facebook become rude

[artk2002]

But it does raise a question of when ones non-use of a new technology does become rude.

As a dedicated neo-Luddite, my answer is "never"!   

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

OP, I don't have facebook either and I rarely email or use my Mobile Phone.

I write people letters, many have said they tresure letters, I aim to please lol

[CakeEater]

Hmmm,

I don't think not having FB is rude...yet.

But it does raise a question of when ones non-use of a new technology does become rude. Would some one who didn't have a phone and you had to drive to visit them be considered rude, or take the time to write a letter and the expense to mail it? Would someone who had a phone but didn't have an answering machine be considered rude because people had to keep calling you back? Is someone considered rude because they don't have e-mail and you have to call?

I personally think the phone thing would be rude, or at least special snowflake. I don't want a phone so I'm going to make people go out of their way to get a hold of me.

I guess, if your group communicates a certain way and you choose not to use that communication then you would only be considered rude if you insisted on being kept in the loop and made people go out of their way to contact you.

I was wondering the same thing! I have a mobile phone, but it's rarely switched on or even charged up, for that matter. I own it for my own convenience when travelling, or in other specific situations to make calls, not usually to receive them. Is it rude of me not to be available 24/7 via mobile, even though that's the way many people communicate now? I don't think it's rude to be 'unavailable' in this way, if you don't mind, as you say, missing out on being contacted immediately about certain things.

[Twik]

But it does raise a question of when ones non-use of a new technology does become rude.

As a dedicated neo-Luddite, my answer is "never"!   

Is "Neo-Luddite" an oxymoron?

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

I was wondering the same thing! I have a mobile phone, but it's rarely switched on or even charged up, for that matter. I own it for my own convenience when travelling, or in other specific situations to make calls, not usually to receive them. Is it rude of me not to be available 24/7 via mobile, even though that's the way many people communicate now? I don't think it's rude to be 'unavailable' in this way, if you don't mind, as you say, missing out on being contacted immediately about certain things.

I have to agree. My cellphone, Facebook page and landline are for MY convenience, not that of other people. I keep my cellphone turned off 90% of the time because at work (school) we're not allowed to have it on in class. When people ask for my number I always give them my landline (and no, I don't have an answering machine; they never caught on in S.A.), as well as my cell#. Despite this, most people ONLY try the cellphone. Then they'll say, "I tried to phone you, but your phone was off." Me: "Did you try the landline?" Cue deer-in-the-headlights look from them. They don't even THINK of trying the landline!

I got a Facebook page because I was getting tired of receiving emails from people inviting me to join. I quite like it now, because I've made contact with relatives I hadn't seen in 20+ years, some old school friends, etc. But I go on when *I* want to, I'll comment on people's status and photos when *I* want to. And if you have pressing news to tell me, pick up the darn phone and call my house. I've had the same number for 36 years!

[PeterM]

I personally think the phone thing would be rude, or at least special snowflake. I don't want a phone so I'm going to make people go out of their way to get a hold of me.

There not making you do anything, it still is your own choice.

[My second bro often has No phone, he is in the tropics and it most often than not fails to work. It doesn't make him rude. He simply found out much later than everyone else when emergancies happen [ Dad's heart attack/ Mum's strokes/ etc. we had to send the info snail mail.]

It could be rude, though. It all depends on the attitude of the phone-less person. If they're like your brother and perfectly willing to learn things later than everyone else and not be in constant contact, they're not rude. If, on the other hand, they want to live the "simple life" without a phone or email or whatever, but still expect everyone to bend over backwards to keep them in the loop, they're definitely being special snowflakes, at the very least. If they not only expect people to take extra effort to contact them but berate them when they don't, they're being rude special snowflakes.

Not being easily contacted is not rude. Not being easily contacted but expecting people to contact you regularly is.

[camlan]

I personally think the phone thing would be rude, or at least special snowflake. I don't want a phone so I'm going to make people go out of their way to get a hold of me.

There not making you do anything, it still is your own choice.

[My second bro often has No phone, he is in the tropics and it most often than not fails to work. It doesn't make him rude. He simply found out much later than everyone else when emergancies happen [ Dad's heart attack/ Mum's strokes/ etc. we had to send the info snail mail.]

It could be rude, though. It all depends on the attitude of the phone-less person. If they're like your brother and perfectly willing to learn things later than everyone else and not be in constant contact, they're not rude. If, on the other hand, they want to live the "simple life" without a phone or email or whatever, but still expect everyone to bend over backwards to keep them in the loop, they're definitely being special snowflakes, at the very least. If they not only expect people to take extra effort to contact them but berate them when they don't, they're being rude special snowflakes.

Not being easily contacted is not rude. Not being easily contacted but expecting people to contact you regularly is.

In the case of Dragon 8's brother, it sounds like he couldn't have a phone where he was, not that he didn't want one. If someone in my immediate family were hurt or sick or just got engaged or pregnant, and they chose to announce the fact with a post on Facebook, instead of calling or emailing, I'd take that as a sign that the close bond that I thought we had was in face not at all close. A casual acquaintance announcing news to other casual acquaintances on Facebook? No problem. My sister letting me know she's engaged? Problem. I think the relationship between the two individuals counts for something here. That's what bothered me in the OP, this is the OP's sister, not a friend, not a co-worker. Your own sister can't pick up the phone or email if she thinks the news is important enough for you to know?

I only got a cell phone a few years ago. It's for emergencies; it's pay-as-you-talk and I keep the minimum number of minutes on it. I no longer give out the number, because, like T'Mar, people assume the cell number is the best one to use to reach me. They can't grasp that the cell phone is turned off 99% of the time. I can't get them to use the landline over the cell, and I have voicemail on the landline. Who's ruder, me for not giving out the number or other people for insisting on calling it, even though I have a landline and email?

I don't always check my personal email daily. I'm trying hard to check it daily, but only once a day. I know this bugs some of my family, but if they really need to contact me, they know that they can pick up the phone and call. What about someone who has a MySpace account and doesn't want a Facebook account?

Years ago, when there was important news, you visited in person or wrote a letter. Word of the news got spread by word of mouth from there.

Technology makes our lives easier in many ways. It shouldn't require us to do more work.

[EagleEye]

Anyone who expects me to keep abreast of what is going on with him or her through FB is kidding themselves. 

By the way, I have no doubt some other social networking site will supplant FB in the coming years, it will be a never-ending turnover of technology (kinda like how people went from Myspace to FB - and isn't it rumored that FB will cost money eventually?) And no one is rude for abstaining entirely. 

I find it rude that some people would insist on communicating ONLY this way.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

isn't it rumored that FB will cost money eventually?) And no one is rude for abstaining entirely. 

The rumour is false. The charge is a hoax:

http://www.snopes.com/computer/internet/fbcharge.asp

[gardengirl]

Not being easily contacted is not rude. Not being easily contacted but expecting people to contact you regularly is.

Yep, I agree.  I have found there to be immense pressure from others to join Facebook lately too - and I have considered it solely because of this: if I am not available to my friends in the way they are contacting people, then I don't get to see them.  Then if I find out they've all been making plans and leaving me out, and I'm annoyed, I'm the jerk.  This has begun, so maybe it's time for me to use FB.

I think one of the problems right now is that there are so many ways to connect, and in general, people are picking one that they like to use, and assuming that it is the one everyone else should use too.  This is why they call or text your cellphone when you use your landline exclusively, or post to facebook an invitation to a party instead of sending one through the mail, or suggest books to you via goodreads (gosh, I love goodreads) instead of emailing you about a great book.  There are SO many tools we can't keep up with them all - so we don't consider ourselves rude when we expect others to use our own preferred tool. 

The OP's sister IS rude, however, and for the reasons cited - if I expect you to do something in a certain way because I want you to know things I can't be bothered to tell you in a different way, I'm being the rude one.

[Luci45]

Is "Neo-Luddite" an oxymoron?

Yes, especially if posted on an intenet forum.

[Venus193]

I don't have a Facebook account either and I will resist it as long as I can.  After the stories here about people being harrassed by people from their past and the stories about how some people lose their jobs because of FB indiscretions, I will refrain from going on this until and unless it replaces telephones and e-mail.

Which I don't think it will ever do.

I have a LinkedIn account which I should pay more attention to, as it is popular with people in my profession.  It could help me get a new job.  For which reason I didn't post a photo of myself as I have no desire to lose opportunities because I'm not 25 or pretty, but that's another discussion for another day.

As others have mentioned I don't need to get into anything else to have to keep up with.  As it is I spend too much time on the computer.

One of my issues in the first office I worked in that had e-mail was when my boss would insist on sending an e-mail, leave a voice-mail, leave a note on one's chair, and then be in that person's face within the hour, covering all bases.  We never discussed this in the context of etiquette, but I felt that if someone doesn't respond to anything right away that isn't specifically identified as an emergency, that person should be allowed to breathe long enough to think before answering.  End of day, therefore, should be the earliest he should have expected a reaction.

Finally... except for message board discussions like this that are focused on topics of mutual interest, I think that this style of communication is too superficial and therefore too impersonal.  I think that so much of our communication technology actually creates more distance than it bridges between people who already know each other in face to face life.  It's shortcutting and can be perceived as dismissive compared to actual verbal speech.   Some of the really short e-mails I have received or been cc'd on were later described as jokes or sarcastic comments, but it's not always easy to infer that from words on a screen.  

[One Goat to Rule Them All]

Don't forget that it is the height of rudeness to tell someone that they are being rude, so your sister was being rude to you.

[Amava]

It's not rude to not have Facebook, myspace, etc, it's not rude not to have email, it's not rude not to have an internet connection, it's not rude not to have a landline or a mobile phone.

It's not rude, if you do have facebook or something thelikes, to only check it when you choose: be that every day, once a week or once a month.

It's not rude to only check your email once a week (unless you promised someone to read it sooner).

It's not rude, when you have a cellphone, to leave it off most of the day and only check your messages once in a while (unless you promised someone you would be available). Some people choose to use the cellphone as a device for being able to call for help in case of emergency (e.g. car breaks down). That is fine.

I am a total geek but I do not demand other people to live the way I do. That would be rude of me.
It would even be more rude if I called other people rude for not using the modern communication media in the way I do.

[KenveeB]

Hmmm,

I don't think not having FB is rude...yet.

But it does raise a question of when ones non-use of a new technology does become rude. Would some one who didn't have a phone and you had to drive to visit them be considered rude, or take the time to write a letter and the expense to mail it? Would someone who had a phone but didn't have an answering machine be considered rude because people had to keep calling you back? Is someone considered rude because they don't have e-mail and you have to call?

I personally think the phone thing would be rude, or at least special snowflake. I don't want a phone so I'm going to make people go out of their way to get a hold of me.

I guess, if your group communicates a certain way and you choose not to use that communication then you would only be considered rude if you insisted on being kept in the loop and made people go out of their way to contact you.

It's not rude even in that circumstance, but I think you do have to understand that people may not contact you as often if you purposely choose to avoid their preferred communication methods.  If I can only talk to someone on the phone, I just don't talk to them as often as someone I can email.  That's because I like to email and it's convenient for me and my schedule.  If it's someone I love, I'm still going to make the effort to do it from time to time, but it's just not going to be as much. 

Just like with Facebook.  No, I don't use it for important announcements, like if I was getting married or something.  But I use it a lot for random life events, so someone who checks their Facebook often is going to know more of what's going on with me than someone who has to wait until we both have time (at the same time) for a phone call.  That's just reality.  So I don't think the OP is at all rude for not having a FB.  But I would say that if she were getting upset at not knowing all the things her sister is doing, then it's her own fault.  My mom got tired of me always knowing more details about the grandkids' lives than she did, so she got a FB account.