Is this status update rude?

[Twirly]

OT but TychaBrahe that was the funniest thing I've seen all week! Thanks so much for posting that video.

[ChristiKayAnn]

Okay my facebook status is now: "I'm not dead yet!"

[familyfun]

Since my post here yesterday, I've come across a mutation of the "93% won't" status which I thought merits a heads up.  It starts off as the same type of post, but deals with infant and pregnancy loss.  But if you read it all the way through, the very LAST sentence takes a particular side of a very controversial issue.  I'm not mentioning the issue or the side out of respect for ehell policies.   The problem I have with it, regardless of which side it takes, is that it's very manipulative and sneaky to tack it onto an awareness update like that.  If you do cut and paste these updates, please read the whole update before cutting and pasting them, even if the wording looks familiar, to make sure you agree with what's being said.

As for people coping with the conditions appreciating the update, that may be the case with some, but there's no way to tell how everyone will react or feel.  My stepgrandmother was a breast cancer survivor and she would wear pink ribbons and buy them to give them to others.  My mother, who is also a breast cancer survivor wants pink rope so she can tie people up who try to give her pink ribbons because she feels it's patronizing.  Several of the breast cancer survivors I know either can't have reconstructive surgery or don't want to go through more surgery.  They're frustrated by the lack of selection of bras which can fit a prosthetic.  I don't know if they were quite so pleased with the bra color awareness campaign.  I'm not criticizing people's choices to post these things, as each survivor has their own take on this.  Obviously if you are or know a survivor, you know yourself or the survivor better than I do!

With the infant loss update, before I got to the 93% and the controversial part, I thought about posting it for a relative who is grieving her son who died shortly after his premature birth.  But then I thought, what if she's having one of her good days and my post blindsides her?  She sometimes posts about her grief and her love for her son.  I post supportive comments mentioning his name and have followed up with messages, emails, cards, calls & visits.  I thought it over and decided that it's best to follow her lead/pace on this.  But of course everyone is different, so I'm not saying there's a right or wrong here, just a lot of different perspectives to consider.  

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

I posted my weird Monty Python update and someone from here (heheh) commented, "Weee!" 

I refuse on principle to post "awareness" updates. And it's not because I don't care (my father died of melanoma), but that for me Facebook is just a bit of fun and a way to keep contact with people... not jam "look how aware I am" down their throats.

[Ceallach]

I posted my weird Monty Python update and someone from here (heheh) commented, "Weee!" 

I refuse on principle to post "awareness" updates. And it's not because I don't care (my father died of melanoma), but that for me Facebook is just a bit of fun and a way to keep contact with people... not jam "look how aware I am" down their throats.

I also posted a Monty Python update (inspired by this thread) and got some amusing comments back    :-)    ...really should do that more often!  I agree, to me FB is about a bit of fun and keeping in contact, and I have no interest in turning it into a platform for that kind of thing.  I don't think it's rude if people do it, but I choose to ignore it.

[Murphy]

Honestly, I think it could hurt somebody's feelings.  I get a bit tired of reading about people's pets and I'm sure some get a bit sick of reading about my extraordinary nieces and nephew or my high risk job but hey - they friended me and I friended them.  You skim over the stuff that bores or annoys you and move on.

POD. You can also "hide" people if you find them to be serial updaters who bombard your feed with annoying updates. I've done this to several people although sometimes the sheer ridiculousness of some people's status' can make me howl with laughter.

[familyfun]

Honestly, I think it could hurt somebody's feelings.  I get a bit tired of reading about people's pets and I'm sure some get a bit sick of reading about my extraordinary nieces and nephew or my high risk job but hey - they friended me and I friended them.  You skim over the stuff that bores or annoys you and move on.

POD. You can also "hide" people if you find them to be serial updaters who bombard your feed with annoying updates. I've done this to several people although sometimes the sheer ridiculousness of some people's status' can make me howl with laughter.

For the run of the mill awareness updates, I agree with you both.  We all have our little Facebook quirks.  But I think the OP is referring to a specific strain of them going around which a pp posted upthread.  I'll repaste it here (kind of ironic as I wouldn't do it on Facebook, lol .  I'm adding bold/red to the part I think is problematic:


"Put ♥ this ♥ on ♥ your ♥ status ♥ if ♥ you ♥ know ♥ someone ♥ who ♥ has ♥ or ♥ had ♥ cancer! ♥ All I wish for in 2010 is a CURE! ♥ Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen. ♥ 93% WON'T Copy and Paste this, will YOU 4 just one hour?!"

Up until the problematic part, it's no better or worse than any other awareness status update.  But the trying to compel people into posting it into their status by made up statistics which imply that the alleged 7% who post somehow care more about those with cancer is where it crosses the line into rude and obnoxious IMO.   And though I've chosen not to respond to the rudeness and obnoxiousness at all when I've seen this among my friends, I can see why people might choose to respond to it.  And criticizing it doesn't make it rude.  I ignored it the first few times it popped up, but this seems to be spreading like some kind of wildfire.  Now, there's a variation of the autism variation where people are praying for acceptance of people with autism vs. a cure.  As well as the pregnancy/infant loss one with the controversial issue statement at the end.  

Now, if I were to go with my gut instinct and say on my status it's a stupid and obnoxious thing to post, that would be responding to rudeness with rudeness.  So I didn't post that.  I liked the OP's original post because it was a bit snarky, but not rude.  

I've seen at least 2 people on my friends list express their annoyance with it.  One didn't specify she was venting about this specific variation and inadvertently offended a friend who had sent a prayer request to her for specific individuals he knows.   They patched things up once each realized the miscommunication.

Another posted the hearts with a joking comment about posting it if you know people you want to hit. But it was obvious what she was making fun of and that's she's kidding about the violence part, so she's getting favorable comments on it.

[Murphy]

Honestly, I think it could hurt somebody's feelings.  I get a bit tired of reading about people's pets and I'm sure some get a bit sick of reading about my extraordinary nieces and nephew or my high risk job but hey - they friended me and I friended them.  You skim over the stuff that bores or annoys you and move on.

POD. You can also "hide" people if you find them to be serial updaters who bombard your feed with annoying updates. I've done this to several people although sometimes the sheer ridiculousness of some people's status' can make me howl with laughter.

For the run of the mill awareness updates, I agree with you both.  We all have our little Facebook quirks.  But I think the OP is referring to a specific strain of them going around which a pp posted upthread.  I'll repaste it here (kind of ironic as I wouldn't do it on Facebook, lol .  I'm adding bold/red to the part I think is problematic:


"Put ♥ this ♥ on ♥ your ♥ status ♥ if ♥ you ♥ know ♥ someone ♥ who ♥ has ♥ or ♥ had ♥ cancer! ♥ All I wish for in 2010 is a CURE! ♥ Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen. ♥ 93% WON'T Copy and Paste this, will YOU 4 just one hour?!"

Up until the problematic part, it's no better or worse than any other awareness status update.  But the trying to compel people into posting it into their status by made up statistics which imply that the alleged 7% who post somehow care more about those with cancer is where it crosses the line into rude and obnoxious IMO.   And though I've chosen not to respond to the rudeness and obnoxiousness at all when I've seen this among my friends, I can see why people might choose to respond to it.  And criticizing it doesn't make it rude.  I ignored it the first few times it popped up, but this seems to be spreading like some kind of wildfire.  Now, there's a variation of the autism variation where people are praying for acceptance of people with autism vs. a cure.  As well as the pregnancy/infant loss one with the controversial issue statement at the end.  

Now, if I were to go with my gut instinct and say on my status it's a stupid and obnoxious thing to post, that would be responding to rudeness with rudeness.  So I didn't post that.  I liked the OP's original post because it was a bit snarky, but not rude.  

I've seen at least 2 people on my friends list express their annoyance with it.  One didn't specify she was venting about this specific variation and inadvertently offended a friend who had sent a prayer request to her for specific individuals he knows.   They patched things up once each realized the miscommunication.

Another posted the hearts with a joking comment about posting it if you know people you want to hit. But it was obvious what she was making fun of and that's she's kidding about the violence part, so she's getting favorable comments on it.

I see! Thank you for posting it. I have actually come across this update over the last few weeks and have just ignored it as it rubbed me the wrong way too. I personally feel that the section in red is slightly aggressive in tone. My mother has actually had breast cancer so of course there is nothing I literally wouldn't do to find a cure but I feel it's rude to pressure people into displaying such statements.

[Amava]

I refuse on principle to post "awareness" updates. And it's not because I don't care (my father died of melanoma), but that for me Facebook is just a bit of fun and a way to keep contact with people... not jam "look how aware I am" down their throats.

I feel the same.

And I also agree with the posters who are put off by the aggressively guilting tone of many of the awareness "chain updates". It irks me.

[familyfun]

I see! Thank you for posting it. I have actually come across this update over the last few weeks and have just ignored it as it rubbed me the wrong way too. I personally feel that the section in red is slightly aggressive in tone. My mother has actually had breast cancer so of course there is nothing I literally wouldn't do to find a cure but I feel it's rude to pressure people into displaying such statements.

I know what you mean, my mother is also a breast cancer survivor and even though we aren't on good terms, I certainly don't want her to have to deal with any more pain or suffering from it.  She is very fearful it may come back.  My father died of lung cancer.  The skin cancer I had was the least serious form, but it does put me at a higher risk for melanoma.   I certainly want to see a cure for cancer, but I don't like the whole bullying people to put it in their Facebook statuses when it really doesn't accomplish anything.  

Interestingly enough, the friend (actually relative by marriage) who vented in her status about it is a pretty religious person who prays regularly.  One of the reasons I think it bothered her is that she lost her brother to cancer and her nephew is the prematurely born relative I referred to.  I know she's done a lot of praying for all affected by both cancer and infant loss, but especially those closest to her.  So it may have been a case of "what do you think I've been doing all of this time?"  I think these issues hit pretty close to home and can be quite emotional for people.

I know some survivors find the awareness posts comforting, but not all do.  Below is a link to  a blog by a breast cancer survivor who had a double mastectomy, which describes her reaction to the bra color one (which certainly wasn't as bad as the 93 percent one):

Other cancer survivors joined in, telling me that they felt left out too.  After all, this was ostensibly an effort to raise awareness of breast cancer — but one in which breast cancer survivors themselves could not participate, and were reminded (as if we needed a reminder) that we didn’t need bras anymore, that most basic undergarment of women everywhere, that symbol of sexuality, for the simple reason that we had already sacrificed our breasts in a hail mary attempt to keep the rest of our bodies from dying of cancer.

That’s what it is, you know.  It’s not a choice.  It’s not just another treatment option.  Women have mastectomies, double mastectomies, reconstruction (or not) because we have no other choice remaining that will give us a shot at life — life with our children, our partners, our families, and our friends.  And so we tearfully bid our breasts goodbye.  We submit to surgery, weeks of the aftermath, drains and gashes where our breasts once were.  We submit to doctors and nurses and students gawking with surprise when we disrobe for exams (not the oncologists, of course, but we still need regular checkups like everyone else, you know).  We submit to months of physical therapy to rip the scar tissue off the muscles that stretch to cover our ribcage.  We submit to lymphedema therapy, taking up precious time, time that we fought for, time that we sacrificed for, but time that nonetheless much be used for even more medical treatment, to deal with the aftermath.

And then we go shopping.

Clothes that fit just a few months previously don’t fit anymore, you see.  Every. single. shirt. is stretched out over the chest, and most new ones don’t fit right either.  Princess seams, sewn to flatter the big-busted and small-busted alike only serve to remind us, the no-busted, that we are no longer princesses.  V-necks are flattering, but only if they are not too deep, cut to show no cleavage, as our cleavage has been taken from us as well.

And, for a while, the reminders are everywhere.  Every TV commercial with the Victoria’s Secret angels rankles.  Every low-cut shirt sparks the tears.  Every nightgown cut to flatter falls — flat — and we cry into our pillow.

We are aware, you see.  We are all too aware, and we work to escape the reminders.  Our friends dance around us for a while.  They don’t invite us to the pool (have you ever gone swimsuit shopping without your breasts?).  They are gentle, and careful, and form a wall of support around you.

But eventually, life moves on, and the wounds scab over, and the scars begin to form.

Until one day, one day, when a harmless meme rips them off, and you realize once again that you will never be the same.

http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/2010/01/08/in-the-name-of-awareness/

Another blogger who knows people fighting cancer summed up another issue with the 93 percent campaigns:

I know and love some people with cancer and if they saw this crap on my profile, it wouldn't make them feel good and show them I care. It's like making them a trophy, making their cancer about me. "Look at me, look at me, I'm in that caring, affected 7%!"

http://hippernicus.blogspot.com/2010/01/ghastly-facebook-memes.html

[familyfun]

Oh & while I was writing the above post, it appears the tragedy in Haiti has been co-opted by the 93 percent crowd.  I'm not going to post anything directly in response, but I'm going to post a link to an article which is listing charities to donate to which are helping out in Haiti.  If anyone wants to counter the co-opting of the Haiti tragedy by this trend, here is the link:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/abraham/detail?blogid=95&entry_id=55175

[Amava]

Oh & while I was writing the above post, it appears the tragedy in Haiti has been co-opted by the 93 percent crowd.  I'm not going to post anything directly in response, but I'm going to post a link to an article which is listing charities to donate to which are helping out in Haiti.  If anyone wants to counter the co-opting of the Haiti tragedy by this trend, here is the link:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/haiti/2010/01/12/2010-01-12_haiti_earthquake_how_you_can_help.html

Oh! That reminds me of something I was going to post about my husband. But not in this topic.

[baglady]

I did the autism one, and honestly, the meaning of the 93 percent thing didn't even register on me. I definitely didn't read it as "93 percent of you heartless people won't bother to pass this on/support this cause." And I hadn't seen any other versions at the time. I just thought making a brief statement in support of the cause was a good thing to do, because I have been touched by autism.

[Nurvingiel]

I just have a deep, personal loathing of obviously made up statistics. Why did the original writer include that at all? How can you know in advance how many people are going to post it? Aaaa!

[familyfun]

I just have a deep, personal loathing of obviously made up statistics. Why did the original writer include that at all? How can you know in advance how many people are going to post it? Aaaa!

I'm tempted to post something like:

[my Facebook name] wonders where this 93% number comes from.  Not that I'm disparaging the worthy causes/issues or the well intentioned people who post them.  But did they do a survey?  Was a margin for error included?  And why is it the same for all causes/issues?  Does anyone have the citations for this?

I'm going to give it a bit of time to see if this unfortunate trend dies down.  But if it doesn't, I'm seriously considering posting it as a status.  Is it too snarky?  A bit snarky's ok, but I don't want to cross the line from slight snark to rude.