From Blog - His Hero Betrayed Him

[cptpez]

Original Post(My Comments in Red):  

I’m telling this story on my mother’s behalf. She’s a headteacher at a junior school in quite a posh, rich area. Half of these kids who go to her school come from “old money” families - people who are pretty posh and have worked dingdangity hard for their moneyworked for old money?  By definition, "old money" is inherited money - generally, inherited down through several generations. And the other half is made up of kids from “new money” families - these are people who have won the lottery, inherited a fortune, that kind of thing where, pray tell, are these neighborhoods of lottery winners?  Inherited new money? If it is new, it is money that the present holder earned themselves.  Personally, I dont care whether money is old or new - but I take issue with the assumtion that "old money" people have more "class" than "new money" people.  I also take issue with the characterizing "old money" people as having earned their money and "new money" people not having earned theirs., and the majority believe that the world now revolves around them because they are the most fantastic thing since sliced bread (I worked there for a while, I’ve met these parents, they’re appalling and to be perfectly honest I’m amazed some of the kids are so well-mannered.)

About a year ago, a boy moved up to the junior school. He wasn’t an angel, but he wasn’t hellspawn. Eighteen months later and this boy is a nightmare, like he’s going through puberty at aged 8. He was rude, he was obnoxious, he hit the other kids, swore at the teachers and destroyed everything he could get his hands on. It was a bit of a dramatic change from the previous year, so my mum called him to her office to try find out what had caused such a mood swing.

It turned out that his parents had split up and he lived with his mum. His dad moved in with his mistress…who also had an 8 year old boy…who was in the same class as this little boy. Awkward.

This poor boy, who had doted on his dad, now only got to see him officially (key word here) every other weekend…but had to watch as his dad dropped off and picked up the other little boy from school, every day.

Am I the only one who thinks this is seriously unfeeling and reeking of bad judgement and inconsideration for his (actual) son’s feelings? 0102-10

Ok, now what the hell did the wealth - or the age of the wealth - of the father have to do with any of this?

[Shores]

Well, obviously this trampy "New Money" woman clomped into town in her stripper heels and stole away some poor posh "Old Money" woman's husband. He never would have strayed normally, but who could resist that slutty woman? A woman from "Old Money" would NEVER have stolen someone else's husband. Only "New Money" women become mistresses.


Was this in the Ehell blog? It's really not an etiquette issue at ALL.

[TylerBelle]

Uh, what? All the buildup about wealth by the LW (gotta say I too always thought old money was in a family for ages and inherited by each generation; while new money was more recently acquired), really had no relevance with the real issue. Which almost gets lost in all the LW's spiel about the affluent families of the school.

Anyhow, I can't imagine how tough it would be for the little boy to see his dad pick up another day after day. How could you do that to your child? It's unbelievable. 

[Hushabye]

Honestly, with the OP's commentary in the middle of the first paragraph, I just skimmed over it and didn't pay it that much attention.  I do think they have some ... interesting definitions of old and new money, to say the least, and I'm not sure what the LW was getting at there, but the part about the kid...

I can't imagine how absolutely horrible it must have been for that boy to go from having both his parents all the time to seeing his dad every other weekend.  And to top that off by shoving the disintegration of his family in his face further with having to see his dad pick up some other little boy every single day?  That just breaks my heart.   

[Hanna]

I'm trying to figure out how the kid doted on his Dad.
Isn't it usually the other way around?
I'm thinking that, like the shoemakers children, perhaps the OPs headteacher mum could have paid more attention to him!

[Squeaks]

While i do think the terms were off, I think the point the LW was trying to make was that the area is filled with spoiled arrogant people. People that seldom can't have what they want, and frequently only think of themselves and what they want.  And yes some people with money do see themselves better for it and think that they thus deserve whatever they want. They could have left it at "selfish arrogant jerks" but sometimes description of the type can be fun.

It also serves as contrast of sorts.  This boy who likely can have any toy/game/etc. he wants do to his money wants something money can't buy - his dad.

And his dad thinks he is so self important that he does not care that he is hurting and abandoning his son.  And may very well think, "ill just buy him stuff, money is everything" and that his money can make it right with his son.  

Clearly there are multiple people here who are not thinking much beyond their precious selves.

I found the story very sad to be honest

[Fluffy Cat]

I know this town.  My husband grew up in this town.  (Unless this doesn't take place in the U.S. - the "headteacher" reference sounds like it may not).  Everything has to do with wealth in this town.  Everything.

I don't really see any connection to etiquette regarding the original blog post.

[mechtilde]

I'm trying to figure out how the kid doted on his Dad.
Isn't it usually the other way around?
I'm thinking that, like the shoemakers children, perhaps the OPs headteacher mum could have paid more attention to him!

Many children dote on one or both parents. It isn't at all unusual.

[magicdomino]

Money isn't an indication of behavior, good or bad, although it does seem as though it has more influence.  As for the boys, I wondered how that other little boy felt about his mother's live-in boyfriend.  

[RegionMom]

it has to be hard on the kids--watching parents play musical chairs with homes and lovers and other kids.

"See little Johnny, for what ever reason, Mom and I split up.  And now I am with a new woman.  Who has a boy exactly your age--even in your grade!  I am going to be living with THAT boy instead, and bringing him to school every day. I will still wave hello to you, to show that I still love you. 
And we will have lots of fun on our visiting weekends.  Oh, and just wait until I have another child by this woman!!  you will be so excited to have yet another complication (err, I mean, addition) to your life!"

ok, dad is not fathering another child yet, but it often occurs. 

Money has nothing to do with it. 
This story plays out every day.
It is sad. 

[iridaceae]

it has to be hard on the kids--watching parents play musical chairs with homes and lovers and other kids.

"See little Johnny, for what ever reason, Mom and I split up.  And now I am with a new woman.  Who has a boy exactly your age--even in your grade!  I am going to be living with THAT boy instead, and bringing him to school every day. I will still wave hello to you, to show that I still love you. 
And we will have lots of fun on our visiting weekends.  Oh, and just wait until I have another child by this woman!!  you will be so excited to have yet another complication (err, I mean, addition) to your life!"

ok, dad is not fathering another child yet, but it often occurs. 

Money has nothing to do with it. 
This story plays out every day.
It is sad. 

The letter writer isn't specific enough, but it could be that mom blocked dad's attempt to have more official time with his son and this limited contact isn't his idea.

[atirial]

The letter writer isn't specific enough, but it could be that mom blocked dad's attempt to have more official time with his son and this limited contact isn't his idea.

True but picking up another child who is in the same class, right in front of his own son, was apparently his idea and it is extremely insensitive. I feel very sorry for his son.

[WolfWay]

I'm trying to figure out how the kid doted on his Dad.
Isn't it usually the other way around?
I'm thinking that, like the shoemakers children, perhaps the OPs headteacher mum could have paid more attention to him!

Many children dote on one or both parents. It isn't at all unusual.

I think the confusion here is that "dote" usually refers to older people showing excessive affection to younger people (as well as also being linked to people of advanced age being "in their dotage").

Dote can mean both though. ("to love to an excessive or foolish degree" or "to be foolish or weak-minded, esp as a result of old age"). While it's technically correct to say that a son can dote on his father, it sound very odd to my ears (like the rel@tionship is backwards).

On topic: Poor kid. I don't care how much money he has or how spoilt he is, that's just a horrible situation to be in.

[whiterose]

I think the reason why the wealth was mentioned was to stress the fact that marital/family/school problems do not discriminate on the basis of income.

[Hanna]

I'm trying to figure out how the kid doted on his Dad.
Isn't it usually the other way around?
I'm thinking that, like the shoemakers children, perhaps the OPs headteacher mum could have paid more attention to him!

Many children dote on one or both parents. It isn't at all unusual.

Okay - Just read the definition and I see it can simply meaning showing excessive love or fondness.  I tend to think of it in terms of spoiling a child.
I've never heard it used in the way he used it - always an adult doting on a child.  The examples they give are like that.