From Blog - His Hero Betrayed Him

[Brandydan]

I think the reason why the wealth was mentioned was to stress the fact that marital/family/school problems do not discriminate on the basis of income.

I'm too jaded, since I assumed that the original writer seemed 'put off' that (never described, but apparently assumed) old money Dad Of The Year was behaving in the appalling downmarket level of New Money.

[Elfqueen13]

The letter writer isn't specific enough, but it could be that mom blocked dad's attempt to have more official time with his son and this limited contact isn't his idea.

True but picking up another child who is in the same class, right in front of his own son, was apparently his idea and it is extremely insensitive. I feel very sorry for his son.

But what is the dad supposed to do?  Tell his girlfriend that he can't pick the child that lives in their shared home up from school because his son might see him?  And there is absolutely no indication that the dad doesn't take that opportunity to say hello and give his son a hug.  All we have is the view of a not-so-disinterested 3rd party who is assuming that Boy #1 is acting up because Dad is picking up another child from school.

[Fluffy Cat]

I'm too jaded, since I assumed that the original writer seemed 'put off' that (never described, but apparently assumed) old money Dad Of The Year was behaving in the appalling downmarket level of New Money.

I take this interpretation.  Like I said, I know this town (or at least one exactly like it).  This interpretation would be spot on there.

[Wavicle]

I don't see how it is an etiquette issue. Yes, the Dad seems cruel and that may be the case. This is just what the LW knows though, who knows how the marriage was and what really happened when it fell apart. The "mistress" may have not come into the picture until after they split.

It could be a true sad story, it just sounds like it may have been gossip.

[atirial]

The letter writer isn't specific enough, but it could be that mom blocked dad's attempt to have more official time with his son and this limited contact isn't his idea.

True but picking up another child who is in the same class, right in front of his own son, was apparently his idea and it is extremely insensitive. I feel very sorry for his son.

But what is the dad supposed to do?  Tell his girlfriend that he can't pick the child that lives in their shared home up from school because his son might see him?  And there is absolutely no indication that the dad doesn't take that opportunity to say hello and give his son a hug.  All we have is the view of a not-so-disinterested 3rd party who is assuming that Boy #1 is acting up because Dad is picking up another child from school.

Of the top of my head as alternatives: 1) per the OP, the child is going back to the house where the girlfriend lived before the ex-husband moved in, so she must have had a previous arrangement to get the child home. Use it.
2) Try buses or whatever public transport is available.
3) Tell the girlfriend to pick up her own child to avoid upsetting his son.

Even if he does give a quick hug, it doesn't make it better when it's still another a child the father is taking home, one from his own class no less. It might actually make it worse. As the two adults that did the damage, the onus is on the father and his girlfriend to do what is needed in mitigation.

(Although I'd suspect that it's not so much the pick up after school causing the problem as other children in it. "Traded in for X" is a fairly common taunt of playground bullies, whether or not the "new" eight year old knows or takes part. There simply isn't enough information to confirm that.)

[Elfqueen13]

The letter writer isn't specific enough, but it could be that mom blocked dad's attempt to have more official time with his son and this limited contact isn't his idea.

True but picking up another child who is in the same class, right in front of his own son, was apparently his idea and it is extremely insensitive. I feel very sorry for his son.

But what is the dad supposed to do?  Tell his girlfriend that he can't pick the child that lives in their shared home up from school because his son might see him?  And there is absolutely no indication that the dad doesn't take that opportunity to say hello and give his son a hug.  All we have is the view of a not-so-disinterested 3rd party who is assuming that Boy #1 is acting up because Dad is picking up another child from school.

Of the top of my head as alternatives: 1) per the OP, the child is going back to the house where the girlfriend lived before the ex-husband moved in, so she must have had a previous arrangement to get the child home. Use it.
2) Try buses or whatever public transport is available.
3) Tell the girlfriend to pick up her own child to avoid upsetting his son.

Even if he does give a quick hug, it doesn't make it better when it's still another a child the father is taking home, one from his own class no less. It might actually make it worse. As the two adults that did the damage, the onus is on the father and his girlfriend to do what is needed in mitigation.

(Although I'd suspect that it's not so much the pick up after school causing the problem as other children in it. "Traded in for X" is a fairly common taunt of playground bullies, whether or not the "new" eight year old knows or takes part. There simply isn't enough information to confirm that.)

People have lives after divorce.  We have absolutely zero insight into what the father is or is not doing with regards to his son's emotional health.  I see no rudeness here, except on the part of a gossipy, judgmental teacher.

[TheBardess]

Original Post(My Comments in Red):  

 Personally, I dont care whether money is old or new - but I take issue with the assumption that "old money" people have more "class" than "new money" people...

Ok, now what the hell did the wealth - or the age of the wealth - of the father have to do with any of this?

I agree that the writer has interesting ideas of what constitutes "old" and "new" money (I think of "old money" as being money that's been inherited and been in the family for several generations and "new money" being the sudden windfall type things). However, definitions aside- my aunt grew up in a lower-middle class family that lived right near a neighborhood like the one described in the story- very wealthy and about a 50-50 split between "old money" and "new money" (in the more traditional definitions, not the definitions of the writer). My aunt did lots of babysitting for families in this neighborhood, and said that, invariably, the "old money" people were much more pleasant- they paid better, were much nicer, and were actually less snobby and less likely to look down on her for coming from a lower income bracket than the "new money" people, who were generally snobbier, ruder, stingier, and more likely to regard my aunt as being somehow inferior. I know several other people who have had very similar experiences. I don't know why, but it's a pattern that seems to hold pretty true.

But yeah, I fail to see what bearing any of the whole "old money/new money" thing had on the actual story...

[Sharnita]

The letter writer isn't specific enough, but it could be that mom blocked dad's attempt to have more official time with his son and this limited contact isn't his idea.

True but picking up another child who is in the same class, right in front of his own son, was apparently his idea and it is extremely insensitive. I feel very sorry for his son.

But what is the dad supposed to do?  Tell his girlfriend that he can't pick the child that lives in their shared home up from school because his son might see him?  And there is absolutely no indication that the dad doesn't take that opportunity to say hello and give his son a hug.  All we have is the view of a not-so-disinterested 3rd party who is assuming that Boy #1 is acting up because Dad is picking up another child from school.

Of the top of my head as alternatives: 1) per the OP, the child is going back to the house where the girlfriend lived before the ex-husband moved in, so she must have had a previous arrangement to get the child home. Use it.
2) Try buses or whatever public transport is available.
3) Tell the girlfriend to pick up her own child to avoid upsetting his son.

Even if he does give a quick hug, it doesn't make it better when it's still another a child the father is taking home, one from his own class no less. It might actually make it worse. As the two adults that did the damage, the onus is on the father and his girlfriend to do what is needed in mitigation.

(Although I'd suspect that it's not so much the pick up after school causing the problem as other children in it. "Traded in for X" is a fairly common taunt of playground bullies, whether or not the "new" eight year old knows or takes part. There simply isn't enough information to confirm that.)

People have lives after divorce.  We have absolutely zero insight into what the father is or is not doing with regards to his son's emotional health.  I see no rudeness here, except on the part of a gossipy, judgmental teacher.

I absolutely agree.  Besides, a hug from dad when he picks up classmate might still be better than knowing classmate goes home to a dad you only see every other weekend.

[Twik]

Perhaps the difference is that in Old Money families, the chauffeur would pick up the stepson? 

[Omega Mu]

Perhaps the father has been given no choice in the school pick-up logistics. 

A bitterly divorced couple I know has an issue similar to this.  The father lives directly across the street from the school, but because his ex-wife has weekday custody, his children are not allowed to go to his house after school to wait for their mother to get off work.  They have to go to a babysitter until she gets there to pick them up.  He has been reprimanded for going across the street to talk to them as they get out of school.

Adding insult to injury, paying the babysitter is his responsibility.

[Winterlight]

I think the main problem here is the snotty attitude of the LW. The rest is not really an etiquette issue. It's sad for the kid but we don't know enough to say who is at fault here.

[TheBardess]

I think the main problem here is the snotty attitude of the LW. The rest is not really an etiquette issue. It's sad for the kid but we don't know enough to say who is at fault here.

POD.

[aventurine]

I wondered if the LW wasn't the dad's ex.

[Twik]

I wondered if the LW wasn't the dad's ex.

You know, reading the letter with that thought, it makes a lot more sense. And I could feel sympathetic with the LW if that's true - she's seeing something she thinks hurts her son, and is looking for support on that.

However, that makes her "new money versus old" viewpoint sound much more snobby than it already did. If you think Dad moving in with his GF is hurting your son, it shouldn't matter if she's a nouveau riche from Nowheresville, or a Rockefeller heiress.