Rude Party Guest

[fklwmn]

I'd cut down on the cost of these parties so that if someone cancels, it's not a big deal. Why not have a group of boys over for cake and video games? Or for a sleepover birthday party? Or go to the movies? Or a BBQ and swim party? Why does it need to be so elaborate?

Oh, the skating parties aren't hugely elaborate, it just grates on my nerves that he would accept the invitation, use the free skating entry and then NOT join the party. It's less the cost than the prinicple of the thing (they cost roughly $5/kid plus cake and favor bags. Way less than taking even a handful of kids to the movies )

One thing I found was that throwing a party at home cost more money and takes WAY more energy than doing it anywhere else. And my house is TINY. I can barely stand to have 2 extra people in there, it's so small. I don't think I could throw a double birthday party and remain sane. I might end up in jail for murder before 3 hours was up.

I love the skating parties where you just show up and the only work you do is rounding up kids and serving cake/organizing the present opening. The rest of the time I can chill and talk or I can skate too.

The mad scientist party was an experiment we did b/c the kids didn't want to go skating or bowling. And we had a REALLY hard time figuring out what to do for their party. DS1 would have been happy taking 2 kids to the movies, but DS2 was only turning 9 and still wanted a party. It's December so anything outdoors was out of the question, which pretty much leaves skating or bowling since theyhave outgrown fast food and chuck e cheese parties. So I did some research, found this mad scientist thing. We rented a hall b/c of the aforementioned tiny house.  It looked like fun. It ended up being *okay.* The kids weren't all that impressed so they wanted to go back to skating this year.

In any case, I would probably be more willing to forgive not showing up for RSVPs if the kid actually joined the parties when he DID show up. But with it being a recurring theme from him and his parents, I finally had to put my foot down. Especially considering how he left my son high and dry for the amusement park and concert, which wasn't a *party* but was just going to be the 2 of them.

[Slartibartfast]

I'm with AuntieVenom - maybe explain to your son that because RudeKid hadn't come the last several times but you had to pay for him anyway, that you would not be paying for RudeKid to come to any more events.  Tell your son he's welcome to still play with his friend, or invite him to special events that don't cost money (day at the park, or whatever), but RudeKid or his mother need to be more responsible.

My guess is, deep down, your son knows RudeKid isn't a great friend . . . but maybe if he's fun to be around, your son is willing to overlook it for a few more years.

[sammycat]

I'd cut down on the cost of these parties so that if someone cancels, it's not a big deal. Why not have a group of boys over for cake and video games? Or for a sleepover birthday party? Or go to the movies? Or a BBQ and swim party? Why does it need to be so elaborate?
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One thing I found was that throwing a party at home cost more money and takes WAY more energy than doing it anywhere else.

You've got that right!  My son had his 10th birthday party this week and wanted a party at home as opposed to some other place.  What to do with a dozen 10 year old boys and misc other ages (mainly girls)?  Musical chairs and pin the tail on the donkey just wouldn't cut it anymore, so we too ended up booking a mad scientist party.  Fortunately in our case the kids all had a great time and I'd recommend the science lady to anyone. It was $15/head, minimum 15 kids, but it was worth it as it took up 2 hours of party time so that all that was left was food and cake time.  But I still had to clean the house, organise the food and keep everything under control.  My younger son (6) had a party recently too.  I tried to talk him into a bowling party but he insisted on having a treasure hunt party at home.  With 12 kids by the time I'd divided per head the cost of food, prizes, balloons, partyware treasure, a pinata and take home bags it probably would have been $20/child, at least.  Next year he is having a bowling party, end of discussion (approx $12/head all inclusive).  Older son can 1 or 2 friends for a sleepover and that will be it.

I guess what I am trying to say is, it is often a lot more expensive to have a party at home as opposed to a location and you've still got to factor in cleaning the house before and afterwards. I don't begrudge my kids' their parties at all but I find it very offensive when someone cancels literally right at the last minute or just fails to turns up at all (barring something very serious like accident or illness).  I have noticed this year that that has happened at every single party we've been to (and held), so it would seem like it was becoming more than norm unfortunately.

[MineralDiva]

I agree that you should keep that food planted down firmly!  I wouldn't have given RudeKid nearly as many chances as you did.  You were more than patient.

There is a certain amount of "hurt" we need to allow our children to experience; but when it becomes the focus of a situation, vs. creating what should be a happier memory, it's time to remove the "irritant"...whether our child can see/understand it at the time, or not.

By allowing RudeKid to interrupt your son's special times with his behavior, the focus becomes RudeKid...instead of the celebration of your son.