Is it rude to move?

[mrsbrandt]

So this morning I was on our public transportation system during rush hour.  I got onto a train car and looked for a seat.  There was one seat on 2 seater bench open and it was one of the "priority seats".  (I'm currently 5 mos. pregnant, so I qualify for those seats.)  I went to sit down and in the second seat on the 2 seater bench, was another woman.  Her coat was on top of about half of my seat, but I figured she would move it when she sat down.  She saw me eyeing the seat and scooched over.   I didn't quite put two and two together, but she was a larger woman so there wasn't much scooching she could do.  I sat down on less than half the surface area of my seat, with my shoulder digging into one of the other metal bench tops.  I thought it would be rude to not sit after she had scooched over to "make room" for me, but I was horribly uncomfortable. 

After a few stops another seat opened up, I went ahead and switched seats and wound up being more comfortable sitting next to another woman.  I noticed that the woman I was seating with previously had been glaring at me for quite a while.  I didn't think I had done anything wrong, but the way this woman was looking at me, I must have offended her.  I feel really bad for hurting her feelings, was I rude for moving?  I'm fairly petite but being pregnant and all, I need atleast 2/3rds of my seat.  Should I just not have sat down in the first place, even though she had scooched over for me?

[Lisbeth]

You didn't need her permission to switch seats.  You didn't owe her an explanation, either.

I'd ignore her dirty look.

[fklwmn]

You didn't need her permission to switch seats.  You didn't owe her an explanation, either.

I'd ignore her dirty look.

will I get in trouble if I say...

POD!!!

[Nekolove]

I also think you did nothing wrong. I've seen people move on trains lots of times for no apparent reason. I'd just shrug this one off.

[ShadesOfGrey]

much agreed. no problem moving at all.  not rude at all either.  It sounds like she got  offended that you moved, and of course, was assuming it was because she was large.  She could have smelled bad/had dog hair on her/etc. 

The way I see it, you were moving because you were uncomfortable, no matter what the reason.  I just dont get people that get upset over things like this.  Limited space+larger than average person=no room for average person, Why the heck is she mad over that? It is a fact of life.

If she wants to take you moving seats as a commentary on her size, so be it.  It's not your problem. 

[Alida]

It's not rude at all.  Especially being pregnant, you should be able to be comfortable in the seat you're in.

Anything else is her issue.  Not yours.

[sammycat]

Not rude at all.  And once you (general you) get off the bus/train/whatever you're not going to be seeing that person again, so it doesn't really matter what that person thinks about your moving.

[Ki]

Agreed.  Completely not rude.  If anything, she was rude for shooting you a dirty look. 

[mrsbrandt]

I felt really bad when it happened, because she just gave me this look like I killed her puppy and then glared at me like I was some kind of inhumane person.  I'm really not a weightist or anything, it was just really uncomfortable sitting there.

[sweedetobee]

You are not rude!  Unfortunately the seats on public transportation seem to be too small for many people these days. I guess our average size is rising or something. I often sit next to men who sit with their legs open, or if the guy is tall or broad shouldered I'm squished in my seat and I'm not petite

I'll also switch seats on the subway if the person next to me is wearing too much perfume  or cologne(I posted about my issues with certain perfume before) or if they start eating or drinking something that smells bad to me. I don't make a bi production out of it (well unless I'm sneezing uncontrollably from the perfume allergy but that's not on purpose!), I just move and if they get offended I can't help it.

[Clara Bow]

Okay, I'm going to hit the fence on this issue.
The woman probably thought you had a problem with overweight people (as a fat girl, I can tell you that those sorts do exist). But her assuming that about you without asking and then glaring at you was very rude. You have the right to sit where you please when you please...pregnant or otherwise. Besides, if you were cramped, then she probably was too. You may have inadvertantly done her a favor so she was doubly rude to be so judgemental of you.

[mrsbrandt]

I'm really surprised that in this day and age, people would actually have a problem with someone just because of their size.  I guess it just goes into the same vain of being self-conscious about that something that is a non-issue.  I feel bad for hurting her feelings, but I think even if I had felt badly enough to apology that would have been the wrong way to go.

[sweedetobee]

I'm really surprised that in this day and age, people would actually have a problem with someone just because of their size.  I guess it just goes into the same vain of being self-conscious about that something that is a non-issue.  I feel bad for hurting her feelings, but I think even if I had felt badly enough to apology that would have been the wrong way to go.

Yeah, anything you could have said would have just made it worse....

And maybe she was just self conscious and projecting it onto you, you know?  Or maybe in the past someone said or did something hurful?

You just have to be the best person you can be, no one is perfect and we're all going to offend someone in one way or another even if we don't mean to be. You can't be responsible for someone else's feelings. I just want you to feel better about this situation

PS - I really do believe that all forms of public transport need to rethink their seat sizes/spacing. Airplanes and the subyways can be really difficult. And I don't mean that just for plus-size. I think I'm average? and I'm always uncomfortable or feel like I'm on top of the person next to me on planes...

[freakyfemme]

I'm really surprised that in this day and age, people would actually have a problem with someone just because of their size.  I guess it just goes into the same vain of being self-conscious about that something that is a non-issue.  I feel bad for hurting her feelings, but I think even if I had felt badly enough to apology that would have been the wrong way to go.

Yeah, anything you could have said would have just made it worse....

And maybe she was just self conscious and projecting it onto you, you know?  Or maybe in the past someone said or did something hurful?

You just have to be the best person you can be, no one is perfect and we're all going to offend someone in one way or another even if we don't mean to be. You can't be responsible for someone else's feelings. I just want you to feel better about this situation

PS - I really do believe that all forms of public transport need to rethink their seat sizes/spacing. Airplanes and the subyways can be really difficult. And I don't mean that just for plus-size. I think I'm average? and I'm always uncomfortable or feel like I'm on top of the person next to me on planes...

Oh, POD.  Isn't fourteen supposed to be the average size for North American women?  Well, I'm a size fourteen (and not a "fat" fourteen either, considering the fact that I'm 5'10" with a large frame, big shoulders, big hands, big feet, and big breasts), and I can *just* fit into a typical city bus seat.  I used to be really obese, and it was more of a problem then, but it still is now, I mean, even though I'm not fat, I'm Canadian, which means it's almost always winter here, which necessitates the wearing of bulky coats.....ergo, more bulk per capita, ergo, less space, and also, a lot of people who travel on city buses do so with purses, backpacks, musical instruments, hockey bags, briefcases, Snugli carriers, strollers, and seeing eye dogs in tow.  Long story short, the existing bus seating arrangements just aren't adequate.