Responding to Friend Requests on Facebook

[C0mputerGeek]

Background: I suffered from a pulmonary embolism last year. I was standing at the kitchen sink when I felt faint. My last conscious thought was that I needed to get to the sofa. When I regained consciousness, I was lying on my back on the living room floor. Once I was delivered to the hospital and examined, the doctors were able to determine that I had blood clots in my lungs that cut off the supply of oxygen to my brain. For whatever reason, I lost some memories after that incident. There are certain people and experiences that I have not been able to recall.

I've mentioned before that I use Facebook to stay in touch with people I like and to re-connect with people I've lost touch with that I want back in my life.

I received a friend request this morning from someone whose name I remember, but nothing else. Unfortunately, this makes it impossible to decide whether to accept this request. I know I either used to work with him in Chicago or I went to graduate school with him. If it's the former colleague, I want nothing to do with him. If it's my former classmate, I will definitely accept the request.

What's a nice way to ask someone, "I have absolutely no idea who you are. Would you please provide additional information?"

[DaDancingPsych]

Do you have any mutual friends that can assist you? I know that if I was your friend that I would gladly confirm or deny if that was the right person, especially considering your background.

Are you comfortable with sharing your situation with others? You could give a short explanation and ask the question. "I recently had an incident that caused some memory lapse. I recognize your name, but I'm sorry that I can't make the connection. Could you explain how we know each other?" I would think that you wouldn't have to accept the person's friend invite, although a few message exchanges may be needed just to say, "Glad things are going well for you."

I am looking forward to others' advice.

[Namárië]

I'm naturally pretty bad at remembering names and faces, so I often ask someone who sounds familiar "I'm sorry; how do I know you?"

Often I don't actually know the person at all, and they say "just thought you were cute" or "pls join my mafia."

[cbcb]

Check his friends list or shared friends between the two of you.

[C0mputerGeek]

Check his friends list or shared friends between the two of you.

I did. There are none.

I'm naturally pretty bad at remembering names and faces, so I often ask someone who sounds familiar "I'm sorry; how do I know you?"

Often I don't actually know the person at all, and they say "just thought you were cute" or "pls join my mafia."

I used to ask people I could not remember how I knew them until a few folks were *highly* offended by the question.

This is why I always include a note with my friend requests so that people do not have to ask.

[TootsNYC]

I agree with the "ask a friend" idea.

You think it's one of these two people; who else do you know who knew those two people? Ask them, "Is this the guy who we worked with? His name seems familiar, but I've forgotten that guy's name."

You don't even have to tell the friend about the embolism. Just say, "I can't remember names well anymore," or "it's been so long," or "I've met so many people."

I get friend requests from people and ask my mom all the time, and I haven't had any embolisms. (at least, I don't think)

[random numbers]

Can you check this person out on LinkedIn or some kind of alumni site?

[Namárië]

Check his friends list or shared friends between the two of you.

I did. There are none.

I'm naturally pretty bad at remembering names and faces, so I often ask someone who sounds familiar "I'm sorry; how do I know you?"

Often I don't actually know the person at all, and they say "just thought you were cute" or "pls join my mafia."

I used to ask people I could not remember how I knew them until a few folks were *highly* offended by the question.

This is why I always include a note with my friend requests so that people do not have to ask.

I suppose I could see someone getting offended if they were a close personal friend who was asked that... it is a bit abrupt. Perhaps, "I'm sorry, I have had some memory loss and can't remember how I know you. Could you help me out?"

[C0mputerGeek]

Can you check this person out on LinkedIn or some kind of alumni site?

That was an excellent suggestion, and that's what I did. Thank you!