Rude to refuse cell number requests?

[attyjen]

BG - About six months ago, I realized my cell phones were stressing me out (I have two).  People, especially clients, seem to feel that if they call your cell you should always be available and that if your cell is e-mal capable, e-mails should be responded to immediately.  I had a few clients who really abused the cell, calling at all hours of the night and on weekends.  I have since learned to resist giving out the numbers and, more importantly, how to let cell calls go to voice mail and how to silence the email alert sound.  - End BG

Within the last month or so, I have had repeated requests for my cell number from people who really don't need it.  For example, my insurance agent has asked at least five times, my dentist office has gotten rather pushy about it, etc.  In each instance, the person requesting insists that they need it in case they need to get in touch with me.  I respond that my home phone has voice mail that is checked regularly and that I would prefer they use that to contact me.  One individual actually told me it was rude not to give my cell number.

So, E-hellions, what is the ruling on this?  Am I being rude by not giving out this number to everyone who asks?  Am I allowed to be selective about who has it?

[Giggity]

Of course you're allowed to choose who gets what info about you.

[catgal]

Nope not rude at all.  If they are asking for a contact phone number, then they should accept it when you say "this is the best number to contact me on". I don't give out my mobile very often as I rarely remember to switch it on, it doesn't have messagebank and I frankly prefer people to call me on the home phone.  Often its a case of lather, rinse, repeat...

Them: we must have your mobile number to contact you
You: the best number to contact me on is XXX XXXX
Them: oh, we really need to have your mobile number to contact you
You: well, to contact me the best number is XXX XXXX
Them: but we neeeeed your mobile
You:  no, the only number to contact me will be XXX XXXX

[FoxPaws]

Not at all rude. Believe or not, your cell phone is for your convenience - not everyone else's. 

Just tell them you use the same number for both phones. It's not a lie. The fact that you only use it on your cell to call and check your messages is not their concern. 

I use to get the same kind of badgering when I refused to give a work number. I work nights, thought it was pointless to give the number to people who operated from 9-5, and know how bad my workplace is about messages. I finally hit upon telling them it was the same as my home number. When I fill out paperwork, I write the same number in all the slots.

Haven't had a problem since. I think people assume I have a company issued cell and that's the number they're getting. Whatever they think, it solved my problem.

[Miss March]

When asked to provide a cell phone number, I say that I don't have one. This happens to be the truth- I do not own a cell phone- but this is also what I would say if I *did* have a cell phone and I did not want to share the number with my dentist, my insurance company, my employer or my clients, etc. It would be a white lie, and it would be easier to say one does not have a cell phone then to have to say "I don't want to share the number with you."

[camlan]

Until about two years ago, I didn't have a cell phone. I did get a bit of mild teasing from people when they asked for the number and I had to admit that I didn't have one.

But now that I have one, I never give out the number. Partly because I can never remember it. But mostly because once someone has the cell number, that is the only way they will try to contact me. And that's a bad choice on their part and it means that I will most likely not get their message on time.

The cell phone is for me and my convenience. It's for emergencies. I have a pay-as-you-go plan, so I do not use the cell for long conversations. Its real purpose is to be there as a means of communication if my car breaks down or I'm stranded somewhere.

So the cell is usually not where I am. It's in my purse in the living room, while I'm back in the kitchen. It's in the kitchen charging, while I'm out running errands. It's turned off a majority of the time. I use it about once a month. About once a week I remember to charge it and check for messages. It is really not a good way to try and contact me.

I can give people a home phone number and a work phone number, home and work email addresses. That's 4 different ways to get ahold of me. That really should be enough. And yet, like the OP, people and offices simply won't take, "Oh, just use my home phone," as an answer. I've started saying, "I don't have a cell phone," out loud and adding, "that's available for you to use," silently in my head.

Right now, I'm struggling to get a good friend to stop using the cell phone every time she wants to reach me. About a month ago, I was headed out to her place and was stopped for almost an hour by a bad traffic accident. I called her on the cell phone to let her know that I would be late. So she got hold of the cell number and has used nothing else since, despite repeated attempts on my part to convince her that I don't use the cell very much. She got very angry at me at one point, because she thought I was ignoring her. No, I was just not checking the cell. How many times do I need to say that to convince her to go back to using my land line number? She tells me I need to enter the 21st century and use my cell, but I just don't want the added hassle.

[Outdoor Girl]

Not rude at all.

The only cell phone I carry is a work issued one, so only a very select few people outside of work have that number.

I have to pay my company back for any charges that are not related to work so I don't use it except in an emergency if there will be any additional charge.

What about 'I don't have a cell phone number I can give you.'

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  As an insurance agent I always requested peoples cell/home (whatever number was the most guarded) numbers when they applied.  There was a good reason though at least 25% of applicants randomly were given a phone survey (health questions) and if there were any question about their specific application they would also be called , because it was health related and for general privacy they would not leave a message.  Their insurance could not be approved until they spoke to someone. My client were told this , so I never had any problems with getting the numbers.  I have also found that if people keep their cell/home phone well guarded they were more likely to answer/call back when a strange 1 800 number came up.  


You are not rude for not giving you cell number out though.  If a person/business can't give you a compelling reason to have it they are in the wrong.  Even if they give you a compelling reason your still not rude , but if you don't return messages you would be annoying.

[CluelessBride]

I do not think that it is inherently rude to refuse to give out a cell number.

However, it may leave you (general) less connected and it would be unfair to blame others for that.  For example, as mentioned earlier because of privacy concerns (doctors office, insurance) sometimes a caller can not leave a message.  This may make it harder for you to get certain information (for example if the doctor only has your home number and you are never home from 8 am to 8 pm).  And may mean that you need to take initiative to get that information.  I think it would be rude to complain or be upset about them not contacting you when you haven't given them enough contact information.

So basically, as long as you (general) accept that it may inconvenience you and don't expect people to bend over backwards to get ahold of you, I think you are fine :-)


ETA: Edited to clarify that I was speaking generally.  I think that the OP here is fine :-)

[StressedGroom]

I have a work cell phone that is my primary contact number; I travel a lot and the company encourages us to use our company cell phones as a personal one (big boss is paranoid when he sees a salesman with two cell phones it means he's selling for two companies).

While all my friends and family have that number, I hesitate to give it out to businesses.  There are times when I will take work calls, but not personal or "spam" calls.

That's one of the problems I have with cell phones being the primary number; if I want to call someone on the West Coast and leave a message to call me when they get in, I'm not calling their office number, I'm calling their cell phone sitting on the bed.  When the cell phone is the primary number you can call someone and they will answer in the bathroom, in line at the DMV, at the doctors office, etc.

Last year both my parents health was poor and my cell phone rang at 5 AM, it was my sister, so I was in a panic.  I was informed I wasn't supposed to answer the phone, they were going to sing happy birthday to my voice mail.  She did the same thing, with similar results to my sister 2 time zones behind us.

Not rude to refuse.

[camlan]

I do not think that it is inherently rude to refuse to give out a cell number.

However, it may leave you less connected and it would be unfair to blame others for that.  For example, as mentioned earlier because of privacy concerns (doctors office, insurance) sometimes a caller can not leave a message.  This may make it harder for you to get certain information (for example if the doctor only has your home number and you are never home from 8 am to 8 pm).  And may mean that you need to take initiative to get that information.  I think it would be rude to complain or be upset about them not contacting you when you haven't given them enough contact information.

So basically, as long as you accept that it may inconvenience you and don't expect people to bend over backwards to get ahold of you, I think you are fine :-)

See, I don't want to be connected 24/7. I like not having to answer the phone. In the case of a doctor, I could always call the doctor's office on my own, if they were unable to connect with me at both my work and home phone numbers. Or they could send a letter or email. Because I don't use my cell phone, I am very aware of the best way for other people to reach me and I will tell them what that way is. I know people who do not have either cell phones or email, and they manage just fine. 

Everyone uses their cell phone differently. There is no one set of etiquette rules that, at this point in time, can adequately cover the needs and usage patterns of every cell phone user. I think it would be rude of me to give out my cell number, when I know that during a good week, I may check it once. There have been times when I haven't touched the thing for a month.

[TheaterDiva1]

Them: we must have your mobile number to contact you
You: the best number to contact me on is XXX XXXX
Them: oh, we really need to have your mobile number to contact you
You: well, to contact me the best number is XXX XXXX
Them: but we neeeeed your mobile
You:  no, the only number to contact me will be XXX XXXX

Can you lie and say the number you gave IS the cell number?

[TylerBelle]

The cell phone is for me and my convenience. It's for emergencies. I have a pay-as-you-go plan, so I do not use the cell for long conversations. Its real purpose is to be there as a means of communication if my car breaks down or I'm stranded somewhere.

This is exactly me, too. My cell was purchased mainly for emergencies, getting stuck somewhere, etc., and mostly hangs out in the bedroom and usually turned off.

I don't think it's rude at all for you not to give out your cell number no matter who whines about you doing so. My reason which I'm just guessing here as to why people expect one to share cell numbers moreso than landline ones is you can't really go much anywhere without seeing oodles of folks walking (or in some cases driving) around with the devices nearly permanently adhered to the side of their head, and they assume everyone must be like that.

They should be satisfied with the number or the way you give them as best for getting in touch with you, and leave it at that. Standing firm even though they press you is not rude.

[BettyDraper]

I do not think that it is inherently rude to refuse to give out a cell number.

However, it may leave you less connected and it would be unfair to blame others for that.  For example, as mentioned earlier because of privacy concerns (doctors office, insurance) sometimes a caller can not leave a message.  This may make it harder for you to get certain information (for example if the doctor only has your home number and you are never home from 8 am to 8 pm).  And may mean that you need to take initiative to get that information.  I think it would be rude to complain or be upset about them not contacting you when you haven't given them enough contact information.

So basically, as long as you accept that it may inconvenience you and don't expect people to bend over backwards to get ahold of you, I think you are fine :-)

How is calling a landline and leaving a voice-mail or answering-machine message "bending over backwards" ??  And where was the OP complaining about anything? 

[sbtier]

Well, I know how you feel because I don't take calls on my cell, it's for outgoing calls only.  I've gotten some really rude comments when refusing to give out that number.  You'd think I was refusing a dying man water.