Rude to refuse cell number requests?

[Merry Mrs Martin]

I do not think that it is inherently rude to refuse to give out a cell number.

However, it may leave you less connected and it would be unfair to blame others for that.  For example, as mentioned earlier because of privacy concerns (doctors office, insurance) sometimes a caller can not leave a message.  This may make it harder for you to get certain information (for example if the doctor only has your home number and you are never home from 8 am to 8 pm).  And may mean that you need to take initiative to get that information.  I think it would be rude to complain or be upset about them not contacting you when you haven't given them enough contact information.

So basically, as long as you accept that it may inconvenience you and don't expect people to bend over backwards to get ahold of you, I think you are fine :-)

How is calling a landline and leaving a voice-mail or answering-machine message "bending over backwards" ??  And where was the OP complaining about anything? 

I think PP meant you as in general you and the " don't expect people to bend over backwards" was also a general caveat.  

I'm not the poster your quoting but I can give examples of people expecting business to bend over backwards to contact them.....
" no you can't call me at the office or on my cell , I am available at home from before 5 am and after 7pm" this person needs to transact business on their lunch not expect people to come into an office at 5 or stay past 7.  

In all likelihood there is a blank spot on their forms they are trying to get filled in , business want multiple numbers because some people are difficult to contact which has casued some mangers to become rabid about having multiple numbers.  

None of this is OP problem and none of it makes her rude to not give out her cell phone.    

[Twik]

Personally, I think it would be ruder to give a cell number if you don't have it on all the time, or frequently run out of minutes. Which is, I understand, pretty common. I used to only use mine for outgoing calls.

I've started keeping my phone on most of the time since my mother got sick - but I often hear the little "I'm dying, please recharge me" song at inconvnient moments!

[StressedGroom]

Personally, I think it would be ruder to give a cell number if you don't have it on all the time, or frequently run out of minutes. Which is, I understand, pretty common. I used to only use mine for outgoing calls.

I've started keeping my phone on most of the time since my mother got sick - but I often hear the little "I'm dying, please recharge me" song at inconvnient moments!

This has turned into a running joke with MIL, whether her cell phone is on, accessible, or charged.

[Sophia]

I usually just write (same) in the cell phone line.  In my case it's true.  I have vonage for my home number and I have it simultaneous ring my cell phone.  When someone leaves a message, they have no way of knowing whether it's the home or cell voicemail.  I started doing this because it annoyed me when people called my cell number first, and I'd be home but I'd have to run to find the cell phone and then I'd have the privilege of paying for minutes. 

[NOVA Lady]

No I don't think its rude at all. My personal cell phone is for MY convenience, not that of everyone else.

I do not take work calls on it, only my immediate boss has the number and he is not one to abuse it at all. Clients, coworkers, etc cannot have the number, I do not want them calling me outside of work hours, reaching me while I am at lunch, or interrupting my weekends.

Doctors office and others may get the number as I dont have a home phone, but if I did they would be getting that.

I have had coworkers (salesmen) get upset when I wouldn't give them my cell phone number. I kindly explained it was a personal phone and not for use for business use, if they needed to reach me they could do so at work. I was not available for work outside of work hours. I take my work/life separation seriously and I see this as a way to protect that. I am plenty connected at work, however my personal cell is off limits.

[Lisbeth]

I don't think it's rude to limit who gets your cell phone number.

I'm not willing to share it with everyone under the sun.  It is for my personal use and is not there for clients or co-workers to call me on at any and all hours of the day.

[CluelessBride]

I do not think that it is inherently rude to refuse to give out a cell number.

However, it may leave you less connected and it would be unfair to blame others for that.  For example, as mentioned earlier because of privacy concerns (doctors office, insurance) sometimes a caller can not leave a message.  This may make it harder for you to get certain information (for example if the doctor only has your home number and you are never home from 8 am to 8 pm).  And may mean that you need to take initiative to get that information.  I think it would be rude to complain or be upset about them not contacting you when you haven't given them enough contact information.

So basically, as long as you accept that it may inconvenience you and don't expect people to bend over backwards to get ahold of you, I think you are fine :-)

How is calling a landline and leaving a voice-mail or answering-machine message "bending over backwards" ??  And where was the OP complaining about anything? 

I think PP meant you as in general you and the " don't expect people to bend over backwards" was also a general caveat.  

I'm not the poster your quoting but I can give examples of people expecting business to bend over backwards to contact them.....
" no you can't call me at the office or on my cell , I am available at home from before 5 am and after 7pm" this person needs to transact business on their lunch not expect people to come into an office at 5 or stay past 7.  

In all likelihood there is a blank spot on their forms they are trying to get filled in , business want multiple numbers because some people are difficult to contact which has casued some mangers to become rabid about having multiple numbers.  

None of this is OP problem and none of it makes her rude to not give out her cell phone.    

Sorry for the confusion!

Thanks Merry Mrs Martin, I did mean "you" in general and don't see any indication that the OP would have a problem with being less connected.  I've edited my original post to clarify that.

I was simply trying to expand on the overall etiquette question and say that while not having a cell phone or not giving out the number is definitely not rude, it would be rude to expect other people to go out of their way to accommodate your (general) choice to be less accessible.  That means being okay with playing a lot of phone tag with someone.  Or accepting the fact that you (general - throughout this paragraph) may have to take the initiative to call the doctor to get your test results because they can't leave a message (I know some offices aren't even allowed to leave a generic message specifying to call them back).  And that of course may lead to having to call them multiple times because the results aren't ready yet, etc.  Are any of these things impossible to do?  No, of course not!  Arguably they aren't even that hard to do, but I do know people who would prefer not to do them.  It would be rude of them to refuse to give out their cell and then insist their insurance agent calls them only after 8 pm (unless the agent happens to keep late hours).  Or to try to insist that the doctor's office just leave a message with their biopsy results on the voicemail, when it is specifically against policy/regulations. 

Giving out/not giving out your cell phone number has positive and negative trade offs.  It's a choice you (general) get to make, and neither choice is rude.  However, expecting the rest of the world to just eliminate all of the downsides for you would be rude.

[Surianne]

Sorry for the confusion!

Thanks Merry Mrs Martin, I did mean "you" in general and don't see any indication that the OP would have a problem with being less connected.  I've edited my original post to clarify that.

I was simply trying to expand on the overall etiquette question and say that while not having a cell phone or not giving out the number is definitely not rude, it would be rude to expect other people to go out of their way to accommodate your (general) choice to be less accessible.  That means being okay with playing a lot of phone tag with someone.  Or accepting the fact that you (general - throughout this paragraph) may have to take the initiative to call the doctor to get your test results because they can't leave a message (I know some offices aren't even allowed to leave a generic message specifying to call them back).  And that of course may lead to having to call them multiple times because the results aren't ready yet, etc.  Are any of these things impossible to do?  No, of course not!  Arguably they aren't even that hard to do, but I do know people who would prefer not to do them.  It would be rude of them to refuse to give out their cell and then insist their insurance agent calls them only after 8 pm (unless the agent happens to keep late hours).  Or to try to insist that the doctor's office just leave a message with their biopsy results on the voicemail, when it is specifically against policy/regulations. 

Giving out/not giving out your cell phone number has positive and negative trade offs.  It's a choice you (general) get to make, and neither choice is rude.  However, expecting the rest of the world to just eliminate all of the downsides for you would be rude.

As a non-cell owner I'm still not sure I understand.  Why is it any harder to leave a message on a home phone versus a cell phone, and why would more phone tag be necessary?  Or are you assuming a cell user who answered his/her phone 24/7?

I'm thinking that if I had a cell, I certainly wouldn't have the ringer on at work / on the bus / in the movies / etc., so it would basically have the same # of hours of me answering it as my home phone would.  So why is it more difficult and expecting someone to leave you messages considered rude?

I've never heard of doctor's offices that will only leave a message on a cell and not a home phone, though--I'm in Canada and my doctor's office leaves messages with no problems.

[CluelessBride]

Sorry for the confusion!

Thanks Merry Mrs Martin, I did mean "you" in general and don't see any indication that the OP would have a problem with being less connected.  I've edited my original post to clarify that.

I was simply trying to expand on the overall etiquette question and say that while not having a cell phone or not giving out the number is definitely not rude, it would be rude to expect other people to go out of their way to accommodate your (general) choice to be less accessible.  That means being okay with playing a lot of phone tag with someone.  Or accepting the fact that you (general - throughout this paragraph) may have to take the initiative to call the doctor to get your test results because they can't leave a message (I know some offices aren't even allowed to leave a generic message specifying to call them back).  And that of course may lead to having to call them multiple times because the results aren't ready yet, etc.  Are any of these things impossible to do?  No, of course not!  Arguably they aren't even that hard to do, but I do know people who would prefer not to do them.  It would be rude of them to refuse to give out their cell and then insist their insurance agent calls them only after 8 pm (unless the agent happens to keep late hours).  Or to try to insist that the doctor's office just leave a message with their biopsy results on the voicemail, when it is specifically against policy/regulations. 

Giving out/not giving out your cell phone number has positive and negative trade offs.  It's a choice you (general) get to make, and neither choice is rude.  However, expecting the rest of the world to just eliminate all of the downsides for you would be rude.

As a non-cell owner I'm still not sure I understand.  Why is it any harder to leave a message on a home phone versus a cell phone, and why would more phone tag be necessary?  Or are you assuming a cell user who answered his/her phone 24/7?

I'm thinking that if I had a cell, I certainly wouldn't have the ringer on at work / on the bus / in the movies / etc., so it would basically have the same # of hours of me answering it as my home phone would.  So why is it more difficult and expecting someone to leave you messages considered rude?

I've never heard of doctor's offices that will only leave a message on a cell and not a home phone, though--I'm in Canada and my doctor's office leaves messages with no problems.

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that they could leave them on a cell phone, just that with a cell phone it is more likely that they could call you at a time when you could answer (like you could specify that you were available from 1-2pm because you know thats when you take your lunch, or you can tell its the doctor calling and choose to pick up at work).  I've been told its for HIPPA reasons, but my doctor won't leave me messages at all.  Maybe its just their office's interpretation of the law?  Perhaps its a weird policy, but if I went in demanding they leave a message when its against their policy - I think that would be rude.*   If you don't have a cell phone/don't use it/don't believe in answering the phone between 8 am and 8 pm/whatever, I think the onus is on you to figure out how to work around the regulation.  You can't demand they change it.  Or that someone stays until 9pm to call you. 

For me personally, if I left my cell at home all day (equivalent of only giving out a home number since I don't actually have a land line) I would play a lot more phone tag.  As in "Hello Clueless, this is Bob from company X about Y.  We need to speak to you regarding Z.  Please call us back." And then at sometime after 6 or 7 or 9 or later depending on the night (I don't work what one would call regular hours...) I would call and leave Bob a message, "Hello Bob, I got your message.  I'm unsure what you mean by Z..."  and then Bob would call back the next day, and I would call him back and what could have been taken care of in 5 minutes of talking takes 5 days of phone tag messages.  I know for some people, this probably isn't the case, or other people are fine with the phone tag.  And so if it's their preference they should go ahead and keep their cell numbers private.
 And they are not at all rude.  But if they were to call Bob back at 9pm and leave the voicemail, "Sorry, you missed me, but I'm only available from 8 pm to 5 am at this number.  Please call me back during those hours." That just seems a little special snowflaky to me. 

I remember when I was in high school before I could drive my mom was supposed to pick me up from swim practice.  Only practice got canceled 
because some college students apparently put Jell-o in the pool? So I use the pay phone to call home.  Mom is not home so I just wait patiently until she comes.  A teammate also tried to call home and got no answer.  When his mom finally pulls up, she asks him why he was dressed, didn't we have practice.  He tells her no, it was canceled he tried to call.  She yells at him!  "You should have called the cell!" He says he tried and left a message, she replies, "Well, I was at Peggy Sue's house and I didn't want to answer my phone.   You should have called her!"   He replied, "Mom, who is Peggy Sue, I don't even know her! How was I supposed to have her number"  And that's about all I heard because he shut the car door then.  So his mom apparently wanted to be out of touch (not answering the phone) but still get important real-time updates from him.  It just doesn't work that way.

 
*And it would be rude even if I was demanding they leave a message for a reason other than not wanting to give out my cell number. 

[BettyDraper]

I do not think that it is inherently rude to refuse to give out a cell number.

However, it may leave you less connected and it would be unfair to blame others for that.  For example, as mentioned earlier because of privacy concerns (doctors office, insurance) sometimes a caller can not leave a message.  This may make it harder for you to get certain information (for example if the doctor only has your home number and you are never home from 8 am to 8 pm).  And may mean that you need to take initiative to get that information.  I think it would be rude to complain or be upset about them not contacting you when you haven't given them enough contact information.

So basically, as long as you accept that it may inconvenience you and don't expect people to bend over backwards to get ahold of you, I think you are fine :-)

How is calling a landline and leaving a voice-mail or answering-machine message "bending over backwards" ??  And where was the OP complaining about anything? 

I think PP meant you as in general you and the " don't expect people to bend over backwards" was also a general caveat.  

I'm not the poster your quoting but I can give examples of people expecting business to bend over backwards to contact them.....
" no you can't call me at the office or on my cell , I am available at home from before 5 am and after 7pm" this person needs to transact business on their lunch not expect people to come into an office at 5 or stay past 7.  

In all likelihood there is a blank spot on their forms they are trying to get filled in , business want multiple numbers because some people are difficult to contact which has casued some mangers to become rabid about having multiple numbers.  

None of this is OP problem and none of it makes her rude to not give out her cell phone.    

Sorry for the confusion!

Thanks Merry Mrs Martin, I did mean "you" in general and don't see any indication that the OP would have a problem with being less connected.  I've edited my original post to clarify that.

I was simply trying to expand on the overall etiquette question and say that while not having a cell phone or not giving out the number is definitely not rude, it would be rude to expect other people to go out of their way to accommodate your (general) choice to be less accessible.  That means being okay with playing a lot of phone tag with someone.  Or accepting the fact that you (general - throughout this paragraph) may have to take the initiative to call the doctor to get your test results because they can't leave a message (I know some offices aren't even allowed to leave a generic message specifying to call them back).  And that of course may lead to having to call them multiple times because the results aren't ready yet, etc.  Are any of these things impossible to do?  No, of course not!  Arguably they aren't even that hard to do, but I do know people who would prefer not to do them.  It would be rude of them to refuse to give out their cell and then insist their insurance agent calls them only after 8 pm (unless the agent happens to keep late hours).  Or to try to insist that the doctor's office just leave a message with their biopsy results on the voicemail, when it is specifically against policy/regulations. 

Giving out/not giving out your cell phone number has positive and negative trade offs.  It's a choice you (general) get to make, and neither choice is rude.  However, expecting the rest of the world to just eliminate all of the downsides for you would be rude.

I believe those of us who managed to function in adult life without cell phones for decades on end understand the pros and cons of the alternatives, and it's rather pointless (and insulting) vis a vis the simple question in the OP to gyrate around thinking up hypothetical downside scenarios like this.  Who on earth implied that anyone was going to blame others for what really amounts to slight delays in relating/receiving information?

[Surianne]

Thanks CluelessBride for the clarifications.  I think most of us without cells or who don't check cell messages are usually more flexible than that (I hope!) and so wouldn't be rude.  The American medical regulations don't apply in my country, anyway, which makes that a lot easier...and if I were playing phone tag with an important call I'd give out my office number, or phone home to check my messages.  So generally the situations you've outlined aren't a problem and I don't cause any huge inconvenience for anyone--and it sounds like the OP doesn't either. 

[CluelessBride]

I do not think that it is inherently rude to refuse to give out a cell number.

However, it may leave you less connected and it would be unfair to blame others for that.  For example, as mentioned earlier because of privacy concerns (doctors office, insurance) sometimes a caller can not leave a message.  This may make it harder for you to get certain information (for example if the doctor only has your home number and you are never home from 8 am to 8 pm).  And may mean that you need to take initiative to get that information.  I think it would be rude to complain or be upset about them not contacting you when you haven't given them enough contact information.

So basically, as long as you accept that it may inconvenience you and don't expect people to bend over backwards to get ahold of you, I think you are fine :-)

How is calling a landline and leaving a voice-mail or answering-machine message "bending over backwards" ??  And where was the OP complaining about anything? 

I think PP meant you as in general you and the " don't expect people to bend over backwards" was also a general caveat.  

I'm not the poster your quoting but I can give examples of people expecting business to bend over backwards to contact them.....
" no you can't call me at the office or on my cell , I am available at home from before 5 am and after 7pm" this person needs to transact business on their lunch not expect people to come into an office at 5 or stay past 7.  

In all likelihood there is a blank spot on their forms they are trying to get filled in , business want multiple numbers because some people are difficult to contact which has casued some mangers to become rabid about having multiple numbers.  

None of this is OP problem and none of it makes her rude to not give out her cell phone.    

Sorry for the confusion!

Thanks Merry Mrs Martin, I did mean "you" in general and don't see any indication that the OP would have a problem with being less connected.  I've edited my original post to clarify that.

I was simply trying to expand on the overall etiquette question and say that while not having a cell phone or not giving out the number is definitely not rude, it would be rude to expect other people to go out of their way to accommodate your (general) choice to be less accessible.  That means being okay with playing a lot of phone tag with someone.  Or accepting the fact that you (general - throughout this paragraph) may have to take the initiative to call the doctor to get your test results because they can't leave a message (I know some offices aren't even allowed to leave a generic message specifying to call them back).  And that of course may lead to having to call them multiple times because the results aren't ready yet, etc.  Are any of these things impossible to do?  No, of course not!  Arguably they aren't even that hard to do, but I do know people who would prefer not to do them.  It would be rude of them to refuse to give out their cell and then insist their insurance agent calls them only after 8 pm (unless the agent happens to keep late hours).  Or to try to insist that the doctor's office just leave a message with their biopsy results on the voicemail, when it is specifically against policy/regulations. 

Giving out/not giving out your cell phone number has positive and negative trade offs.  It's a choice you (general) get to make, and neither choice is rude.  However, expecting the rest of the world to just eliminate all of the downsides for you would be rude.

I believe those of us who managed to function in adult life without cell phones for decades on end understand the pros and cons of the alternatives, and it's rather pointless (and insulting) vis a vis the simple question in the OP to gyrate around thinking up hypothetical downside scenarios like this.  Who on earth implied that anyone was going to blame others for what really amounts to slight delays in relating/receiving information?

Honestly I'm not sure what you find so offensive about my posts.  On tons of threads on this site people speculate on situations beyond the OP and discuss what qualifiers would and would not be rude and that's all I was doing here.  I never meant to imply that the OP (or anyone else on this board for that matter) would blame others.

I stand by my initial post and the point of view that while not having a cell phone is not rude, having an entitled attitude about not having a cell phone would be rude.  This is rather similar to replying to a poster who asks "is it rude of me to have a wedding registry?" with "it's not rude to register, but it would be rude to include registry information in the invite?"

If you find my post pointless, maybe it is.  After all, most visitors to ehell are probably well aware that blaming others for not being on their schedule is rude.  However, there are those in this world that this doesn't occur to.  Unfortunately for me, I used to work in a job where I ran across many people who did think it was acceptable to blame me for the fact that they couldn't be reached during the day.  So I thought it was worth tossing into the discussion. 

[blarg314]

I say not rude, but you have to be willing to accept the loss of convenience/connectedness that may result.

[Allyson]

CluelessBride, I'm not sure what people are reacting to in your post either..it seemed pretty innocuous to me! Then again, I always like reading expansions on the original question, it can be very interesting what experiences different people have had.

I've definitely seen rudeness on both sides of this issue--people who are so insistent on being able to contact someone at any time, which is really annoying even to those who have a cell phone! I am one who almost always answers her phone, but sometimes I'm at work or otherwise unavailable...nobody can be on call 24/7!

On the other hand, I've seen people so very proud of not having a cell phone, it verges on aggravating and insulting to those who do have them. Though I suppose the same can be said for not having Facebook, or not having a television, or anything associated with 'modern society'!

[nonesuch4]

In all likelihood there is a blank spot on their forms they are trying to get filled in , business want multiple numbers because some people are difficult to contact which has caused some mangers to become rabid about having multiple numbers.  

None of this is OP problem and none of it makes her rude to not give out her cell phone.    

I have worked for a corporation which was adamant about getting two numbers.  It is stunning how often one of the numbers is wrong:  whether it is employee error in recording it, or customer error in reciting.  Numbers are wrong, or disconnected, or don't have the area code. 

I wonder if the push to get multiple numbers has backfired, though.  Perhaps the time has come to focus on accuracy, rather than volume.

One person I telephoned said she'd be glad when John Doe's Big Event was completed, because John's cell phone number had an Alaska exchange, and the local number was the same as the last seven digits of John's number.  She got lots of calls for John.  She knew a lot of the vendors for his Big Event.

My sister has had a cell phone for years, before they were ubiquitous, for her job. I don't think it is a company phone, either. I think she got it so she'd have more freedom in her personal life, because work could always contact her. She has never given me the number.