Bad bad etiquette - posting it on Youtube

[Hopefull]

I saw this and just couldn't believe it.

There is this board that I go on occasionally. This one gal had been having problems with the family of her soon to be hubby. The MIl calls and spends over an hour telling her what she didn't like about her. From what she wrote it  was just a bad situation. Well the bad bad part came after the wedding. MIL and FIL had fought to get their friends to the wedding. Bride conceded in hopes that it would shut up the MIL.  Seems bride and groom had put cameras on the tables. They got them developed. Well................ there were some "special" pictures of her MIL and her friends. They were very very naughty pictures. The story was full of horrible etiquette. Many people left early because they were so uncomfortable.

But there is more............... Bride spoke with the videographer. She told him that in the main DVD she didn't want any of the foul footage that she was sure the in laws friends had committed. She wanted a special DVD of just their antics. She got it and was totally outraged at their behavior.

So what does one do with a video of your in laws and their friends acting like fools........................................................................
You guessed it right. Put it on YouTube!!

So here is the link of what these folks did. What do you think??

Edited to remove link.

[Animala]

I really think the video (and linking to it) is going over the line.

[Hushabye]

And now I feel so much less annoyed about the stuff my MIL pulled... What the heck were those people THINKING?!?!  I cannot imagine behaving like that at someone's major life event (well, ever, really, but especially at a wedding).  The poor bride and groom!

This is a very good example of why it's good to set boundaries on unwanted guests early in the planning process.

I'm not sure about posting the video, though.  I mean, I can understand the urge (and also the urge to do something less legal, like strangle the guests and MIL ) and all, but I don't think posting it is probably etiquette-approved either.  I would have saved it for any time MIL made any request for anything ever, myself, as a reason to say no.

[Wordgeek]

Agreed.  Linking to the video was inappropriate.

Lots of interesting issues here to discuss, though.  What do you think about posting this kind of video on Youtube?  

[Hopefull]

Sorry folks didn't mean to offend. next time I will think first before I post.

[Hushabye]

Questions of including the link in your post aside (I wasn't offended, Hopefull, although I would like to bleach the memory of that woman molestering people from my brain ), it did make me think about the etiquette of posting something like this online, and I think it provides a really interesting topic of discussion.

I'd like to imagine that posting it might serve as some sort of public shaming device for the people who were so poorly behaved, but I just don't think it would work that way.  Instead, I think she's going to get some moral support but potentially provide her MIL with ammunition for future interactions -- you embarrassed my friends in front of the world.  Now, I think that the MIL's friends actions speak for themselves and that they SHOULD be embarrassed, but they had already shown their true colors to people who know them.  Posting the video online took it a step further that it probably shouldn't have been taken.

I think what I'm trying to say is that you lose some of the righteousness of your indignation and anger at people who behave like this when you turn around and let your anger prompt you to try to embarrass/shame them.  Public shaming tends to work best if you do it right when the offending action occurs. 

[Animala]

I think what I'm trying to say is that you lose some of the righteousness of your indignation and anger at people who behave like this when you turn around and let your anger prompt you to try to embarrass/shame them.  Public shaming tends to work best if you do it right when the offending action occurs. 

I tried a few responses, but I think Sugar nails it well right there.  I think the guests actions were horrible, and were in public, but I don't think it makes the bride's position any better by posting this online.

[sammycat]

I think we're going to see more and more of this sort of thing in the future. 

In reference to the video in the OP, I went and read the additional info that was posted next to the actual video and was horrified to discover that the photos included some of of the guests' genitalia.  I hope to God those aren't posted on You Tube as a slide show with some music!

In some cases it may even encourage bad behaviour in the hopes of starring in a YT video - the whole '15 minutes of fame' thing.  From the looks of the woman in the video with the funny glasses, I don't think she's gong to be upset by this turn of events.  She'll probably dine out on it for ages.

I think though, that satisfying as it might seem at the time, posting videos like this sort of drags you down to the level of the people in the video.  I can imagine that it's incredibly tempting to do so, and perhaps even satisfying at first, but I think Southern Sugar sums it up best with this paragraph.

you lose some of the righteousness of your indignation and anger at people who behave like this when you turn around and let your anger prompt you to try to embarrass/shame them.  Public shaming tends to work best if you do it right when the offending action occurs. 

[Red1979]

I'm going to say there's nothing wrong with posting it specifically because it is a wedding video.  Wedding videos by their nature are made to be shown to others--people know this.  Normal wedding video clips are posted on youtube and shown at parties.  Not to mention these people purposely set out to make a spectacle of themselves.  In the video the woman takes out joke glasses and teeth and puts them on and proceeds to spend the rest of the evening with them on and doing ridiculous behavior directly at the camera.  It seems pretty obvious to me that this was set up with the way everyone is acting around her.  The woman with the joke glasses even takes her top off and wears a chair sash only.  She spends a lot of time motioning and acting directly at the camera.  Clearly she wanted attention.  Well, she got it.

I see no etiquette faux pas in posting a wedding video.  If grown adults (that are up there in years) don't know how to behave in front of a camera that they are well aware is documenting an event so that it can be shown to others, they deserve any public shame they would get.  I doubt anyone is going to support the MIL vilifying the bride in any way once they see the video. I'd feel differently if it were an embarrassing unintentional clip, but its obvious these people were behaving this poorly and doing it specifically toward the camera.  They were aware they were being taped for the wedding video and purposely behaved that way.  

[Wordgeek]

Sorry folks didn't mean to offend. next time I will think first before I post.

No worries.  It was obviously unintentional.

[sammycat]

If grown adults (that are up there in years) don't know how to behave in front of a camera that they are well aware is documenting an event so that it can be shown to others, they deserve any public shame they would get.  I doubt anyone is going to support the MIL vilifying the bride in any way once they see the video. I'd feel differently if it were an embarrassing unintentional clip, but its obvious these people were behaving this poorly and doing it specifically toward the camera.  They were aware they were being taped for the wedding video and purposely behaved that way.  

I'm going to completely contradict my own previous post here, and say I agree with this.

ETA:  Now that I've finally seen the entire clip, I just have to say how boring, pathetic and immature the "performances" were, particularly that of the woman in the glasses.

[Animala]

FWIW- the video wasn't a wedding video but a special selection of  bad behavior by guests and the poster only has that video posted, no other wedding related videos.

[Hawkwatcher]

I wonder what the groom's position is in all of this?  I would not have posted the video on YouTube but I would expect my husband to cut his parents off if they pulled something like this.  Unless he is willing to say "good riddance" to these people, nothing else matters.

[Red1979]

FWIW- the video wasn't a wedding video but a special selection of  bad behavior by guests and the poster only has that video posted, no other wedding related videos.

I don't think that really matters frankly.  People post portions of their wedding videos all the time--people even send unintentional silliness/goofs to shows like America's Funniest Home Videos.  If you know there is a camera on you--hired and paid for to record an event, with the intentions of clips being showed to others and possibly posted--then the onus is on you not to behave like an idiot.  

My opinion would be different if they weren't intentionally doing it for the camera, or this wasn't a wedding video.  It's obvious they are putting on a show for the camera--wedding videos will be watched in pieces or in their entirety by a lot of people.  This wasn't "oops I fell down doing the chicken dance" or "i drank to much and acted crazy" - this was a "I brought props to this wedding to purposely draw attention to myself and mock the event and the bride."  They went into it with their eyes wide open and I think posting it is within the bounds of etiquette.

[Azrail]

The woman was looking into the camera and revelling in all the attention she was getting. She knew people were watching her at the wedding, and i'm pretty sure she knew that others would see her antics on tape. This is why I don't think it was wrong of the bride to post it. She's merely making sure the woman is getting the attention she so obviously wants.