Yet another facebook question

[Maggie]

I know there have been lots of facebook questions but I haven't seen this one yet.  A co-worker (not a friend but a facebook friend) recently friended two people from my friends list.  I know it is possible that she knows these people but it is highly unlikely.  One is my cousin and one is my ex's niece.  They live in a totally different place, so not really likely she knows them.  I messaged my cousin and asked her if she knew her and explained the situation.  She defriended her, as did I, and we just talked about how strange some people are.  So was I wrong to tell her and should I tell the ex's niece?  I defriended her so now she cannot see my friends list.  I know that I personally would never add someone else from another person's list unless I knew them personally.  So was I rude or just overprotective of my friends?

[gibsongirl]

Well...unless this person is toxic in some way, I think you jumped the gun a bit.  The reason facebook asks if you know someone before friending/accepting a friend request is so you don't get requests from spambots thinking they are just random people.  I've friended and been friended by friends of friends if we share common interests, hobbies, or if we go to the same university even if we've never met.  Just her making the request to someone she doesn't actually "know" is no reason to unfriend or shun her.

[Namárië]

It could just be that she was friending them because of one of the many facebook game applications... Is this coworker already someone you are suspicious of?

[audrey1962]

I messaged my cousin and asked her if she knew her and explained the situation.

I'm confused: what is the situation?

Is there some type of backstory or history with this co-worker? Did the co-worker lie to your cousin and pretend to have an existing relationship with her? Otherwise, it sounds to me like your cousin chose to friend someone she didn't know. I fail to see how that is the co-worker's fault.

[siamesecat2965]

Not rude per say; I've gotten friend requests from friends of friends, who I don't even know, and I've just ignored them.  I also defriended someone else I knew of, from college, when I realized I really didn't know her, and wasn't interested in seeing all her stuff on FB.  I was new to FB and hadn't figured out that I wanted to keep my friend list to those I knew well.  

Personally, I'd just leave it up to the person being friended whether or not they wanted to accept the request.  And I don't know if I would have de-friended someone over that, but its a personal choice, if you felt like you had to, then its your choice.

[Sheila Take a Bow]

Well...unless this person is toxic in some way, I think you jumped the gun a bit.  The reason facebook asks if you know someone before friending/accepting a friend request is so you don't get requests from spambots thinking they are just random people.  I've friended and been friended by friends of friends if we share common interests, hobbies, or if we go to the same university even if we've never met.  Just her making the request to someone she doesn't actually "know" is no reason to unfriend or shun her.

I agree.  I've friended friends of friends because we have things in common.  For me, Facebook is a social networking site and, like in real life, you can become friends with people who you meet through your friends.  If you choose not to use it that way, that's fine, too, but it just may be that your coworker was trying to expand her friend base without any ill intent whatsoever.

[Bluenomi]

It's up to your cousin and your ex's neice to accept the invitation. If the want to add some random stranger who happens to know you then they can. Your co-worker can't make them friends without their permission. Some people just like to add everyone they come across, maybe your co-worker is one of them

[bah12]

I guess I'm a little confused.  You cannot be friends with someone on Facebook unless they accept your friend request or you accept theirs.  If your coworker was on your cousin and ex's neice friends list then it was because they had accepted her.  I'm not really sure what situation you had to explain to your cousin and what exactly she defriended her over...or why you defriended her.  Do you think it's taboo that a friend of yours might look at your friend list and make requests?  I really don't see anything wrong with that....especially since facebook friends are mutual.  One has to request and one has to accept in order for the "friendship" to occur.

[artk2002]

I'm confused, too.  If your FB friends didn't know your co-worker, then why did they accept the friend request?  Why did they de-friend when you told them that it was your co-worker?  I've made connections through my friends friends list (bah, what an awkward construction!)  There's nothing inherently wrong with that.  There's nothing inherently wrong with making a friend request to a stranger.  There's nothing wrong with accepting a friend request from a stranger.

Frankly, people take FB-"friending" far too seriously.  While a friend connection can have meaning, it doesn't, by it's very existence, have meaning.  It's just annoyed electrons spinning around at 10,000 RPM.

[Fluffy Cat]

I'm confused, too.  If your FB friends didn't know your co-worker, then why did they accept the friend request?  Why did they de-friend when you told them that it was your co-worker?  I've made connections through my friends friends list (bah, what an awkward construction!)  There's nothing inherently wrong with that.  There's nothing inherently wrong with making a friend request to a stranger.  There's nothing wrong with accepting a friend request from a stranger.

Frankly, people take FB-"friending" far too seriously.  While a friend connection can have meaning, it doesn't, by it's very existence, have meaning.  It's just annoyed electrons spinning around at 10,000 RPM.

Yup.  I'd mind my own business regarding other peoples' friending protocols.  Its really none of the OP's concern unless there is some additional detail of import.

[blarg314]

Once you friend someone, you can't stop them friending someone on your friend list.

If they're being obnoxious about it (like pestering your friend list with pyramid scheme offers) then you can defriend the original friend.  But friending people you don't know personally due to mutual interests, or for no particular reason, is not against Facebook etiquette.

I have had friends or family contact me and say "I just got a friend request from X - who are they?" to check if it's someone they actually should know.

[SoCalVal]

Once you friend someone, you can't stop them friending someone on your friend list.

I think you are able to not make your friend list visible (my sister did that once; I found it very odd as I'd never seen it done before).

[MrsJWine]

I agree with PPs.  Facebook is something different for everyone.  For some people, it's only their closest friends.  For other people, it's anyone and everyone they can find a connection with through their friends' friends lists or through games or through old high school buddies.  I'm somewhere in between.  I don't make a lot of friend requests, but I'll accept pretty much every single one as long as I have some idea who it's from.

The beauty of Facebook is that the user has complete control over who gets into his or her circle (assuming there's no hacking or viruses).  If I'm the type of person who only accepts close friends, that's the way I keep it, no matter who sends me a request.  It's pointless to try to dictate to other people what their Facebook should be about.  Your coworker may be the type who likes to have a wide circle of Facebook friends, and there's nothing wrong with that all by itself.  If there's some history there, that would make a difference, but the friending all by itself is not weird.

[Scritzy]

I have a couple of peripheral friends on FB, one who is also a fan of a singer I friended and another who friended me through a church connection. I chose to friend them, but not before I asked, "How do we know each other?"

As others have said, FB is different for everyone. I also am puzzled by what you call "explaining the situation."

Frankly, people take FB-"friending" far too seriously.  While a friend connection can have meaning, it doesn't, by it's very existence, have meaning.  It's just annoyed electrons spinning around at 10,000 RPM.

Probably the best explanation of FB friending I've ever read.

[Kaypeep]

I think it's odd, but not rude.  I think most people do it to promote things (like my brother's friend who constantly sends me invites to become a 'fan' of his band page) or get more people to join their mafia/farm/pet store/application game of the week.  I don't see anything wrong with it initially.  However, if this person gives you a creepy feeling, or seems to be trying to wiggle into your personal life by connecting with your friends, then yes, that's reason to be upset.  I think you reacted too quickly for anyone to truly tell what her intentions were, though.