Facebook + good intentions = privacy problems Update of sorts #9

[Animala]

OK, I need to know if I have an unrealistic expectation here.

My sister has been ill and since she has had several major crisis we started a closed unsearchable facebook group to keep our friends and family, who are scattered across the globe, up to date.  This group is closed and unsearchable.  All members have to be approved.  With her latest health issue she is currently at the Mayo clinic undergoing extensive testing to figure out what is going on.  I try to update it everyday and send out messages for major news.  Yesterday we had major news so I sent out a message.  This morning a prayer request was sent from church that was a word for word copy of what I sent out.  I called the pastor about it and he said that facebook is public so he didn't see what the problem is.  Now I've put up information and updates on my health problems in notes for friends to see, again my profile is private and if you don't know how my name is on the account you can't find it, and now I'm wondering if he just thinks anything he see is open for discussion with anyone.  I am considering limiting his access to my account now.  I think he should have asked before emailing the entire church.

What do you all think?

[Hazelthyme]

((Animalia and her sister))

I think you're right.  And frankly, I'm WAY surprised that the pastor did this without asking you.

Unless you have a history with him that suggests otherwise, I'd probably give the pastor the benefit of the doubt (once) about this being an honest mistake.  If he and the church are otherwise important to your sister and your family, I don't know that it's necessary to block him -- but if you don't, I'd make it clear that you expect him to keep Sis's medical info private from now on, even if he's seen it on FB.  It's entirely possible to send a prayer request without going into detail -- "please remember Animalia'sSister in prayer" or (if you're OK with this "please pray for Animalia'sSister, who's ill/ in the hospital."  (Can you tell my church & pastor do this all the time?)

Seriously, if nothing else, the pastor needs to know he's on thin ice.  In the US, at least, clergy aren't explicitly covered by HIPAA, but psychologists are, and especially if he's passing this info around electronically, it could get him in trouble (with his superiors and congregation, if not legally).

[Shoo]

This pastor is wrong.  You made your group private, and he violated that privacy.  I'd remove him from the group.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Well, technically he is right.  Even if it's a private group with restricted access, *anything* you put out in cyberspace is out there forever, and has privacy issues attached. 

Did you explain to him that it was a private group with restricted access? That might help him understand. 

[TootsNYC]

Here's his reasoning.

You shared this info with people in a group made up of those concerned about your sister. He's in that group.
It's not really any different than if you'd called him, or sent him a letter.

And when you tell other people information, you have to realize that they are going to share that information with other people that THEY think *also* care about your sister.

I would imagine that every single person in that group does the same thing. The difference, perhaps, is that he has a way to disseminate this to a group large enough that you feel more distant from them (i.e., the entire congregation).

Facebook makes it easier to cut and paste. And it leads *you* into sending information to people, perhaps, that you might not have bothered to contact if you had to use the more labor-intensive way. And it speeds up his thought processes as well.

It's time to talk with him about what you want him to share with the congregation, and how.

(Oh, and he's not covered by HIPPA; he was told this info by a family member, and that moves it outside the arena, I believe. Of course, he *is* still covered by any standard of ethics.)

[Surianne]

Toots explained it very well, I think.  I agree with her--talk to him about what you're comfortable with and what you're not.  I'd do that before deleting him from the group or limiting what he can view. 

[Queenie]

I've seen this sort of thing happen IRL too.  Block the pastor, he's revealed himself as someone who cannot be trusted.

[Hanna]

So you are saying that he shared specific private details about her illness and recovery that were meant only for the eyes of close friends and relatives with a large group of people?

If so, he was wrong and very inconsiderate of your sister.

[MadMadge43]

Block the pastor, he's revealed himself as someone who cannot be trusted.

I think this is a bit harsh for a misunderstanding.

He may not even have realized it was a private group. I would have a conversation with him about what is appropriate to share, if he violates that agreement, then I would block him.

But I can completely understand his mistake.

[Animala]

Thanks for the responses.  I'm glad to know I wasn't completely overreacting.

In the end I decided that since he maintained that facebook is a public forum despite my personal privacy settings I've limited his access to my facebook as well as his wife's.  I kind of feel bad about doing that, but I also don't want random personal information to show up in emails or shared in some other way.

[Shoo]

Thanks for the responses.  I'm glad to know I wasn't completely overreacting.

In the end I decided that since he maintained that facebook is a public forum despite my personal privacy settings I've limited his access to my facebook as well as his wife's.  I kind of feel bad about doing that, but I also don't want random personal information to show up in emails or shared in some other way.

I really think this is wise, inasmuch as you view the information you are posting as very personal and private, and he, apparently, does not. 

[TootsNYC]

So you are saying that he shared specific private details about her illness and recovery that were meant only for the eyes of close friends and relatives with a large group of people?

If so, he was wrong and very inconsiderate of your sister.

A large group of people who are generally consider to be "in a spiritual family" with your sister. So while I can understand why Animala would object to this, I can also understand why he might think it was fine.

Pastors in the past might have done this w/ the info they gathered from a phone call--but they also had a better opportunity to say, "would you like me to put this in the prayer newsletter?"

And it also felt more like they were receiving a piece of personal information, not reading a newsbulletin in an impersonal space.

OP, I think you are right to limit his access, because he has a different idea of how public things are.

[camlan]

I would think that pastors have an obligation to err on the side of discretion whenever possible. Let the prayer group know that the OP's sister needs prayers, but not divulge every last detail.

It was probably easier for the pastor to do a quick cut-and-paste rather than reword the message, but I still think he made a mistake. Part of the job of a pastor is to keep confidences. If my pastor started giving me lots of details about another parishioner, frankly, I'd be more reluctant to tell the pastor anything. I have no problem with, "Katy Smith is very ill. Can you add her to your prayers?" I would have problems with, "Katy Smith just had X procedure for Y condition and it didn't go very well. She's in ICU and on oxygen. Can you add her to your prayers?" Even if Katy didn't mind having her medical info broadcast, it just seems like too much detail that I don't need to know.

That's it--the need to know. Did everyone that the pastor emailed need to know the details? Or would they have been okay with a simple message that this parishioner was ill and needed prayers?

[TootsNYC]

Oh, I think it was a mistake, no doubt about it!

[Kiara]

It was probably easier for the pastor to do a quick cut-and-paste rather than reword the message, but I still think he made a mistake. Part of the job of a pastor is to keep confidences. If my pastor started giving me lots of details about another parishioner, frankly, I'd be more reluctant to tell the pastor anything. I have no problem with, "Katy Smith is very ill. Can you add her to your prayers?" I would have problems with, "Katy Smith just had X procedure for Y condition and it didn't go very well. She's in ICU and on oxygen. Can you add her to your prayers?" Even if Katy didn't mind having her medical info broadcast, it just seems like too much detail that I don't need to know.

This.  I don't think the OP would have had as much of a problem if all the pastor had posted was "Please keep Animala's sister and family in your prayers."   That's all we do typically at my church.  We don't know the details, and we don't need to know.  Just that there's a need for prayer.

If you would think it would help, maybe mentioning this to the pastor would be good.  As a heads up on how things could be treated in the future.