Author Topic: Groaners  (Read 21472 times)

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baglady

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #195 on: April 22, 2011, 10:46:28 PM »
An octopus walks into a bar ... .

Seriously, there is a joke about a guy who brings an octopus into a bar and bets the bartender that it can play any musical instrument he puts in front of it. Sure enough, the octopus plays the guitar, fiddle, and a few more ... then someone brings out a bagpipe and says, "Can you play this?"

Octopus: "Play it? I dunno, but get those plaid pajamas off it and I'll play scrabble with it!"
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Nora

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #196 on: April 23, 2011, 01:45:28 PM »
My Dad's very favorite. Delivery is EVERYTHING on this one.

You know how, when you see a bunch a of geese flying, and they're always in that V shape? Have you ever noticed that when they're in that V shape, one side of the V is always longer than the other? You wanna know why that is?







There's more geese on that side.

I just executed this joke perfectly. DH went *facepalm*.  ;D ;D ;D
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Nora

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #197 on: April 23, 2011, 02:06:33 PM »
Difference between a gold fish and a mountain goat?

Gold fish muck around in fountains.

*applauds*
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

readingchick

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #198 on: April 24, 2011, 08:19:14 AM »
So this guy goes into a restaurant and orders a bowl of soup. He sees a fly, alerts the waiter to the fact that there's a fly in the soup. The waiter says "That's understandable, our chef used to be a tailor."

White Dragon

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #199 on: April 24, 2011, 11:52:14 AM »
Which, of course, begs the question:  How do bagpipes mate?  

I have no idea, but 'Mating Bagpipes' sounds like a terrific yoga position for an octopus. ;D

What's the difference between the bagpipes and onions?

People cry when you chop up onions.

Paper Roses

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #200 on: April 25, 2011, 10:33:37 PM »


How do you get two oboes in tune? Shoot one.



Hey, that's not a joke, it's the truth!  I play the oboe.

True story:  When I was a freshman in high school I learned to play the oboe, although I was never an expert at it.  My band director once told me that I had the tone of a bagpipe in heat.  Which, of course, begs the question:  How do bagpipes mate?  Any answers out there?

Very carefully.
No, you can't, because you wishpishabonnyfish.

WolfWay

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #201 on: April 29, 2011, 08:07:32 AM »


How do you get two oboes in tune? Shoot one.



Hey, that's not a joke, it's the truth!  I play the oboe.

True story:  When I was a freshman in high school I learned to play the oboe, although I was never an expert at it.  My band director once told me that I had the tone of a bagpipe in heat.  Which, of course, begs the question:  How do bagpipes mate?  Any answers out there?

Very carefully.
I was going to say "very noisily". (Now I'm imagining a chorus of Squeeee Hoooonk Sqwurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Parp noises).

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sisbam

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #202 on: June 15, 2011, 02:09:08 PM »
What do you get when you cross a pub with nuclear power plant?

Fission chips

Wonderflonium

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #203 on: June 15, 2011, 03:08:11 PM »
 ;D
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Hollanda

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #204 on: June 15, 2011, 05:32:22 PM »
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says "Is this some kind of joke?"

---

A white horse walks into a bar.  The barman says "We have a whisky named after you."
The horse says "What, Eric?"

---

A ham sandwich walks into a bar.  The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve food."

I have more :/
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RegionMom

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #205 on: June 15, 2011, 05:55:13 PM »
More, then, please!
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Ms_Cellany

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #206 on: June 15, 2011, 06:14:36 PM »
More geek puns:

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape?

lelephantl lgrapel sine(theta)

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountaineer?

You can't. A mountaineer is a scaler.
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Ms_Cellany

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #207 on: June 15, 2011, 06:15:41 PM »
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two.

---------------------------
How many radical feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not funny.

------------------------------
How many Harvard feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's RADCLIFFE feminists, and it's STILL not funny!
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Sanity Lost

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #208 on: June 15, 2011, 07:17:22 PM »
The Blonds Revenge!

Whats brown black and blue all over?
A brunette that's told too many blond jokes

What do brunettes miss the most about a great party?
The invitation

Yes I'm a blond  ;D


Seraphim

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #209 on: June 15, 2011, 07:49:39 PM »
Why are blode jokes so short?


So men can remember them.