What did the termite eat for breakfast?
Oakmeal.
**
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. Soon the manager came out and asked them to disperse. "But why," one asked.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
**
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
**
What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me.
**
Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.
The second roughs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.
"Yeah," the string says.
"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.
"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.
**
Veteran Pillsbury spokesmodel Pop-N-Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins, Hungry Jack, and Betty Crocker. The gravesite was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much time on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
