Author Topic: Groaners  (Read 22200 times)

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Martienne

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Groaners
« on: February 14, 2010, 11:04:02 PM »
A man went to his dentist, complaining that his denture plate was corroding away. The dentist examined it and asked the man, "Have you added anything new to your diet?" The man thought for a second and said, "Well, the only thing I can think of is that my wife has been making me a lot of eggs benedict lately. I never tried it before recently and I really love the dish. She makes it for me now at least a couple mornings a week."

"Hmm," the dentist says. "Do you use a lot of hollandaise sauce on your eggs benedict?"

"Oh, yes, I love the hollandaise sauce. I always get a big ladle-full on top," the man replied.

"Ah!" the dentist says. "There's your problem. Hollandaise has lemon juice in it, so it's corrosive. I am going to fit you for a new plate made of chrome."

"Chrome! That's odd. Have you fitted anyone for a chrome plate before?"

"Yes, it won't corrode like your old one," the dentist replied. "In fact, this is so common there is even a saying about it."

"A saying?" the man asks him. "I've never heard it."

"You've never heard? Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

JonGirl

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2010, 04:27:37 AM »




Groan indeed!

 :D
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Re: Groaners
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2010, 04:30:19 AM »



Ooh! I just remembered!

A man walks into the doctors and says: I think I got Tom Jones Syndrome, I can't help singing Green Green Grass of Home.
The doctor says "Oh, It's not unusual!
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M-theory

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2010, 05:27:09 AM »
A horse walked into a bar and the bartender asks, "why the long face?"  :)


Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.  :D

A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2010, 06:23:00 AM »
A gymnast vaults over a bar...
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T'Mar of Vulcan

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2010, 10:12:14 AM »
A guy goes to a nightclub, but when he gets to the door they say he has to be wearing a tie. He goes out and rummages through his car, but all he can find are his jumper cables. He ties them around his neck in a knot and goes back to the nightclub.

The doorman says, "Okay, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything."


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Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2010, 10:20:14 AM »
THIS JUST IN...

AP (Chicago, IL) -- A young boy (aged 3, name withheld) has been arrested at the request of his parents.  The toddler was told to take a nap, and refused to do so.  The police were called in, and the youngster was placed in custody.  The charge is resisting a rest.
Location:
Philadelphia, PA

Slartibartfast

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2010, 12:02:36 PM »
What's long, brown, and sticky?  A stick.

What's big, round, and has pointy teeth?  A vicious circle.

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhinocerous?  Elifino.  (sound that out.)

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?  Great big holes all over Australia.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?  A stick.

T'Mar of Vulcan

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2010, 01:35:45 PM »
What's green with legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

If you see a splotch in the road, how do you know whether it was a dog or a lawyer? There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

What did the fish say when it encountered the concrete wall? Dam!


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Namárië

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2010, 01:47:37 PM »
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry sir, we don't serve food here."
« Last Edit: February 15, 2010, 01:52:28 PM by Namari »
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extranormal

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2010, 02:42:39 PM »
A bear goes into a diner and orders, "A hamburger, a beer, and...........a plate of fries."

The waitress asks, "Why the big pause?"

Bear says, "Had 'em all my life!"

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2010, 03:25:06 AM »



Two nuts are walking through a park...one was assaulted.
What goes ha ha kerplunk? A man laughing his head off.

A man limps into the doctors surgery with a cricket ball lodged up his...
He says: Doctor, I've got a cricket ball lodged up my...
And the Doctor says, Howzat?!, and the man says: Don't you start!
« Last Edit: February 16, 2010, 03:30:54 AM by BowledOverMaiden »
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Coralreef

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2010, 10:27:44 AM »
Why do dogs howl at the moon?  Because they don't know the words.

Why do scuba divers go backward into the water?  Because if they went forward, they'll hit the bottom of the boat.

Instruction on boomerang packaging : Count: 1, 2, 3, throw, 4, 5, 6, duck.

[/right

PeasNCues

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2010, 10:32:24 AM »
Why do seaguls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bay-guls!
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

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LadyClaire

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2010, 10:48:36 AM »
Late one night, Dracula was walking down a dark road all by himself when suddenly a carrot fell from the sky and bounced off his head.

Puzzled, he looked up just as an avalanche of food fell from the sky. Puddings, cakes, biscuits, chicken, mashed potatoes, just tons of food falling and burying him under a massive pile.

As he lay there, crushed beneath a mountain of food, he gasped with his dying breath "Oh no, it's buffet the vampire slayer!"

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What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"